'AITA for not pretending to struggle as a new mom? I was blasted for it.'

"AITA for not pretending to struggle as a new mom?"

I have been debating if I should even post this for days, but I feel the need to hear from people that are not involved in this situation.

I (28F) had my first child 4 months ago. My husband (34M) is deployed overseas, but we were lucky enough that he was able to attend the birth. Since I knew I would be a single mom basically, we planned very well before starting to even try to conceive.

I saved 100% of my paycheck for over a year so I could stay home until my baby is at least 1 years old. While pregnant, I filled 2 freezers with casseroles or Crockpot packs, we have a whole room filled with baby necessities bought over 2 years... Basically whatever can make my workload lighter after giving birth.

Also, as the eldest of 5 kids who was parentified to hell and back, I did not have the same fear that most new moms do.

Now to the situation: I met another mom during mommy yoga, we hit it off and became friends, she had her baby 2 weeks before me. We kept in contact via SM, but didn't get around to meeting until last month.

She visited me, and from the get go was surprised at how clean my house was, and how rested I was. So I told her what I told you above. Not to brag, but because she asked.

Then she invited me to her home, and when I got there she seemed on the verge of tears. Apparently her baby was sick and won't stop crying, she also has not been sleeping well. So I offered to watch her baby while she has a nap and maybe a shower. She was very thankful. I also asked if I could pick around the house a bit, and she was very grateful for that.

I let her sleep for 5 hours; during that time I cleaned her living room, kitchen, and folded some laundry. I also took care of both babies. When she woke up, she was very sorry for sleeping so long, and for saddling me with child care and house work, I said that it was fine, it's nothing I'm not used to.

A day later, she sent me a long text. The gist of it is that me being so put together made her feel like a horrible mom, and that me saying that what I did for her being nothing made her feel like a total failure. She said that she wanted some space from me, because I make her feel bad about herself.

I replied with 'ok, take all the time you need', but I did not say sorry. Then a mutual friend said that she is blasting me for not apologising after her first text. Was I really the AH?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Civil-Piglet-6714 says:

Anyone who can afford to save 100% of their check, and still manage to eat out twice a month is rich.

Any_Shoulder_8495 OP responded:

My whole salary was 32k, saved by downsizing our home, getting rid of my husband's car that he loved, eating out max 2 times a month, switching to generic brands on most things, and doing a lot of things at home that I used to get done by professionals. If that makes me rich, then I am really mistaken about what rich people are like.

Jazzlike_Humor3340 says:

NAH. You didn't gloat. But a little tact would not be out of line. You were able to save your entire paycheck, for a year? That makes you incredibly lucky and privileged. Most people just can't afford to do that.

There is a difference between 'I did this, which makes things easier for me' and 'I was lucky to be able to do this to make things easier.' Stick with the latter.

Any_Shoulder_8495 OP responded:

I did not tell her about the money part, just the freezer meals, and buying baby supplies beforehand. And I am very aware that I was lucky to be able to do that, but it also wasn't easy, I had to give up a lot of things to be able to save, as did my husband.

amathus4321 says:

NTA. She’s really self sabotaging here. She could’ve had a friend to help her, but instead she’s dragging you for planning well. I would’ve said N A H, except for that last line about her blasting you for not apologizing. That’s childish, a**hole behavior in this case.

MichaSound says:

As a mother, I would have been SO GRATEFUL if someone had done all this for me when I was struggling! Sure, I probably would have felt a bit of a failure and compared myself to you too, but I would never have blamed you for those feelings. Don’t apologise for a damn thing, OP

Tips from OP:

MollyTibbs says:

You can freeze burritos? Omg, is there a special recipe or something? Yum.

Any_Shoulder_8495 OP responded:

All burritos can be frozen, just heat them up in a microwave with a damp towel for a couple minutes. My fav is a sausage, eggs and cheese burrito. Also, for some reason, they hold up better if you wrap them in foil before putting them in the bags to freeze.

DamnItToElle says:

Can you also share you secrets for freezing fish please? Any fish I freeze gets ice crystals or becomes tough after even just a day.

Any_Shoulder_8495 OP responded:

There are 2 methods I use:

For fish that doesn't take that long to cook (think salmon), I go with the FoodSaver (vacuum sealer), I got mine used for $20.

For fish that takes a bit longer to cook (usually sardines, love them when I can find fresh ones), I marinate them, then freeze them normally. Since they cook in liquid (pretty much), they remain the same.

smlstrsasyetuntitled says:

Lol same here - I’m an absolutely rotten housekeeper struggling to improve and would 100% pay to attend OP’s life skills workshop!

Any_Shoulder_8495 OP responded:

Look into the flylady method, just follow her app.

As for meal planning, here's my method:

• 2 dinners and 2 lunches meatless

• 2 dinners and 2 lunches with chicken

• 2 dinners and 2 lunches with fish

• 1 dinner and 1 lunch with red meat.

I tend to have a big lunch and a smaller dinner, my plate is usually 1/4 meat, 1/4 starch (buy a rice cooker, it makes everything easier), and 1/2 veggies (maybe roast bell peppers, roast cherry tomatoes, and a sweet lettuce orange salad).

The same sides all week, just varying the meat and marinades. I also make snack packs (usually nuts, a fruit, and something sweet like a cookie). Breakfasts: 4 hot (make ahead freezer burritos), and 3 cold (overnight oats or cereal).

TB_lawkid13 said:

So... seriously. Do you drink wine!? Cuz I want you to be my new best friend! 😍😍😍

Any_Shoulder_8495 OP responded:

I don't drink (for religious reasons), but I can bring my lemonade, you bring your wine, and we can have a blast.

discombobulatededed said:

I mean, I don’t have a baby but I have a dog. If OP wants to come round and play with him and do my housework and laundry while I take a nap she is more than welcome! Haha. NTA OP. I’d never have thought of freezing dishes in preparation tbh that’s a really good idea that I’m going to steal when I have surgery soon.

Any_Shoulder_8495 OP responded:

So you don't overwhelm yourself, just double batch anything you are cooking, freeze half and eat the other half.

An aside, if you have a crockpot and a rice cooker, life gets easier. Just make crockpot packs, defrost one in the fridge overnight, throw it in the crockpot in the morning, start a batch of rice in the cooker, maaaybe a fresh salad id you are feeling fancy, and voila, dinner with no effort.

im-tired_smh says:

damn OP... you have a system, and a good one. taking notes

Any_Shoulder_8495 OP responded:

Also, spices are your friends. If you cube 2lbs of chicken (breast or thigh), divide it into ziplocks, add different spices or marinades, you have different meals for the same effort.

Making a basic tomato sauce (cut in half, take out seeds, cook until skin separates, take out the skin then blend until chunky), you can make a lot of things: sauce for pasta, sauce for meatball subs, a base for shakshouka (my fav breakfast)...A lot of things are versatile like that, and good to have on hand.