New mom debates, 'Am I postpartum or is my husband having an emotional affair?' AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with her husband over the course of her pregnancy, she asks Reddit:
"My husband border line cheated on me while heavily pregnant and newly postpartum and I’m struggling lately?"
This needs back story. My husband and I have been together for three years, married for one. We now have a five month old baby.
Two years ago I saw someone had texted someone and this person was in his phone as “C”. Just “C”. Immediately was like “why don’t you have this persons full name in your phone….?”
He had told me that it was an old fling from work, she had always been in his phone as C, she was married and had a baby on the way at that time and they were just talking friendly. And I was like “okie fine.”
Fast forward. Our relationship progresses. We buy a house. Get engaged, married as of last year and welcomed our first baby in august. In JULY, I got a book from this “C” girl.. who I now know is Christina….in the mail. It’s a pregnancy book about how to give birth naturally.
Weird, since I’ve never met this girl, but whatever. She was also asking my husband if she could take maternity photos of us, but my husband was up front with me and said that it was the girl who he used to hook up with and I said I wasn’t comfortable with it, and moved on.
I give birth… she “loves” our FB announcement and congratulated us. So this woman knows we are married and have a baby and has known.
About a month ago we went to go get our Christmas tree and my husband took all the pictures on his phone. I asked for his phone so I could send myself the pictures and he gave it to me but stood right over me and rushed me.
Which was weird for him. You know on iPhone when you click a picture and go to send it, a list of people’s names appear who you text the most? Well, I noticed in third place on Instagram was my buddy CHRISTINAS, account.
So I wait for my opportunity. Three nights later my husband leaves his phone in the bathroom and I go onto Instagram and scroll through there messages, all the “bad” ones starting in august when I was 9 months pregnant.
Tons of pictures of her in lingerie and naked, him replying with the drooling emoji, her asking him is he is ready for his “bathroom breaks” phone calls between the two of them through Instagram… the whole nine hards.
They didn’t physically hook up, which I believe becuase he wouldn’t have had time and I have his location.
Anyways, I freak out on him, he beggggggs me to stay, cries non stop for weeks with me, gets up with me in the middle of the night with the baby so I’m not alone, wrote Christina a message in front of me saying their relationship was inappropriate and that he loves me and his family, goes to therapy…anything he can do to make it up to me.
He also deleted Instagram. I have access to his phone whenever. Im just still really struggling emotionally. Help.
Let's see what some of the top responses were:
mountainmort writes:
That’s not borderline cheating. It’s still cheating. From here on out keep checking behind him. He didn’t stop it. You did it. So now you’ll need to see if he’ll try to reach out through other channels.
You shouldn’t trust to have another child with him either. Have a plan in place for when he does this again. She’s been stored in his phone as C for less than three years.
He was hiding this woman and had her on the back burner the whole time. That fling is obviously still not in the past and they already had something going on throughout your relationship. But you did the right thing shutting that down and dealing with both of them.
sadbase09 writes:
All your feelings are completely valid. Even though your husband is now trying to repair the relationship the best he could, he broke your trust in the worst time he could.
9. MONTHS.PREGNANT. At a time of extreme vulnerability for you, during which you needed your partner wholly. And he emotionally cheated.
I recommend you to do some therapy, to talk to a specialist. Postpartum is a fragile phase of hormonal changes and extreme fatigue. You don’t need this added stress on top of it.
Try to focus on what really matters: your wellbeing and your baby.
temporary844 writes:
So you are NTA but this isn’t borderline cheating it IS cheating. Sorry but bathroom break phone calls most likely = phone sex .. so it wasn’t just her sending him dirty pics and him not being able to tell her no . It went further.
Both cheat AHole Husband and trashy AHole AP are so gross to do this! This time should have been filled with bonding time for your family and now it’s tainted by his actions.
I doubt I could forgive him personally but if you can .. you’re a better woman than me.
tasiasi writes:
He CHEATED while you were pregnant with his child. That’s the lowest of the low. Send him packing.
Also tell everyone. Don’t just vent to strangers on the internet. You are still very much postpartum you will need help. Tell your family, tell your friends, tell his family and most importantly tell your doctor and baby's pediatrician.
Even if he says it wasn't physical guess what lairs lie so get tested anyways. honestly if you are breastfeeding your baby will need be tested as well. Be sure to tell family and friends why your 5 month old needs to be tested for chlamydia.
effectivesans8 writes:
"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is what my grandma used to say.
I was cheated on. I gave him a second chance with therapy and counselling and went through YEARS of always watching him and trying my best to be what he needed. Only for him to cheat again.
He learned the first time what not to do to get caught. So the first time those tears of remorse were tears of regret for getting caught. The tears he showed the second time was when I took half of everything and his reputation.
Get out. He knew exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it. If you took her phone number and typed it into his phone today, it will probably pop up under a different name. Good luck and best wishes on your kiddo.
exist0 writes:
My ex did something very similar when I was 8 months pregnant. I chose to forgive him and work on the relationship.
He didn’t go to therapy on his own or work through any of his underlying issues (insecurity, needing validation, thrill seeking, etc) that caused him to cheat in the first place. And… you guessed it, it happened again.
While I have worked on my own issues and we have since split up, I will say that cheating is not an “us” problem in a relationship, in my opinion. It is something one person chooses on their own, and it is rooted in their own issues.
And if they don’t actually do any work on themselves to address those root issues, they can cry and apologize until the end of time but their underlying drive to cheat is still going to be there. You can force them into certain boundaries, but eventually it’s coming back around.
I didn’t want to see that at the time, but I wish I could go back and do it differently. I wasted a lot of time.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is the worst timing to deal with something like this. I hope you are taking as good care of yourself as possible, and that you have friends and family to lean on for support.