Newly divorced dad asks teacher for help with daughter's curly hair; mom isn't happy.
AITA for dropping my daughter off at daycare early so her teacher could do her hair?
I'm a newly divorced dad of a 3 year old girl. I have her every other week. My daughter has very curly hair that my ex wife used to take care of. Now that I'm alone with her half the time, I have to figure it out. I try but on my weeks her hair was mostly a frizzy, tangled mess.
A teacher at my daughter's daycare has very similar hair to my daughter's so I asked if she could help me with my daughter's hair. She said she could do my daughter's hair in the mornings if I dropped her off earlier (drop-off starts at 8, I usually drop her off at 8:45 but her teacher says if I drop her off by 8:20 she'll be able to take care of her hair).
She gave me a list of curly hair products to buy and what to bring to school. She also gave me some tips for washing and caring for it at home.
I guess my daughter told my ex that her teacher does her hair, not me, and that she goes to daycare early now because my ex called me and asked if I really drop her off a half hour early every morning just so I could 'avoid doing her hair'.
She called me a bad parent for 'relying on a teacher to do my job' and for messing up the morning routine so we could get to school early enough for the teacher to do her hair (we used to wake up, give her a bath, I'd attempt to do her hair, we'd have breakfast, then go to school but now we wake up, take a bath, and eat breakfast in the car).
I thought I was doing right by making sure her hair is cared for on my weeks but my ex feels very strongly about this so I wanted to know if I was the asshole.
Info from OP:
We do baths in the morning for a couple reasons. First, her mom used to give her baths in the morning before the divorce and she still does that at her apartment so we're trying to keep the routine somewhat similar between houses. Also, the teacher requested that she comes in with damp hair so it's easier to work with.
The teacher has been giving me tips to help with her hair and weekends are more manageable now but I still can't do her pigtails or braids or bows like the teacher.
Here's what people had to say:
NTA. If the teacher doesn't mind doing it -- which, by the way, is very generous of her and you should get her a very nice gift for her trouble -- then I don't see why it's an issue.
But it might be more sustainable for you to ask the teacher to train you to do your daughter's hair, because it is unlikely that future teachers will want to do this, and what will you do then? (You should compensate the teacher for her time if you do this.)
aitacurlydaughter OP responded:
She's been giving me tips and I'm slowly getting better at it.
haleorshine writes:
But are you sticking around and watching her do it? Just dropping your kid off and then making the teacher not only do the hair but then tell you tips separately would make you the ah
aitacurlydaughter OP responded:
I don't stick around every day but I try to once or twice a week.
quidscribis writes:
Dude, no. You should stick around every day and do it under the supervision of the teacher. The teacher can instruct and guide, but this is your kid and your responsibility. You need to step up.
littledeadfairy writes:
YTA for acting like taking care of curly hair is so difficult that it takes you weeks or months to learn it? Ask your ex for pointers if you need help and watch some YT-videos and you should be fine. You don't need to wash your daughters hair every day, but when you do, detangle first with conditioner, then wash, then condition and detangle again.
Then apply leave-in products to wet hair (get a microfibre towel to maybe squeeze some water out beforehand, no rubbing to dry) and style. Ask your wife which shampoos, leave-ins etc. work well for your daughter's hair.
Sweeper1985 writes:
Sorry, YTA. That teacher has enough to do without having to be a hairdresser as well. I think her advice on products and techniques was a gentle hint that you need to learn how to do it yourself. Step up.