Parents kick out 19yo son; sell house so they can retire early; their kids are furious.
"AITA for kicking out our youngest child at 19 so we can sell the house and downsize for our early retirement?"
My wife and I have three children (25F, 22M, 19M) we're 45. We've both always had the plan to work hard while we're younger and retire early. Thankfully we've gotten lucky in life, and we're now in a position to do that with our savings. The oldest two kids have moved out now, and it's just the youngest who still lives at home.
We have a four bedroom that's in a more rural area, which is a big empty house for just us and our son. The plan is to downsize, sell the house and move to some small place in the city. We hope to travel a lot, so we don't need a huge place. We've decided to sell the house in a few months.
Our son isn't happy about that, even less so when he couldn't convince us to take him with us. He says it's unfair that his siblings got to live at home until after college, and he has to leave now. We offered to pay first last and security on any place he finds, but he thinks a few months notice wasn't enough to give him time to move and look for a job.
I reminded him that he was lucky to have a good childhood with plenty of luxury, and that even paying to get him settled is a kindness. He accused us of prioritizing our retirement over his wellbeing, and said that we're lucky to be able to retire at all. He took it even further, and got his siblings involved.
They supported him to my surprise. They think we should either be fair and wait another couple years, or take him with us. When we didn't back down, our daughter said he could fly over to her house to stay there, despite sharing a one bedroom with her partner and our granddaughter.
I think it's insane that they expect us to put our lives on hold for years just to allow him to live with us. But none of the kids have been talking to us much, so I guess they're united against us. Our older son even said that when he gets a place of his own (he lives with roommates right now) that we won't be welcome to stay there when we visit.
Q&A with OP:
redditavenger2019 asks:
Info. So when you move to the city, your new place will have only 1 bedroom?
Dry-Pen-8084 OP responded:
That's the plan, yes. We like to be out and about a lot, so we'll only really need a place to sleep.
wolfpupower says:
YTA- he’s 19 but your kid is always your kid and he is saying he can’t afford to live on his own. You say you are financially capable of downsizing and retiring but won’t wait for your son to move out. It’s s**ty economic times for everyone but you’re okay with kicking your kid out and possibly going homeless? Like you can’t even wait another year or two possibly?
Dry-Pen-8084 OP responded:
We could, I just see no reason to delay our retirement.
RumSoakedChap asks:
Info. How old were his siblings when they moved out? How many months will he have to find a new place?
Dry-Pen-8084 OP responded:
They both moved out at 22, he has three months.
NeeliSilverleaf asks:
INFO do you expect to stay in your children's lives at all?
Dry-Pen-8084 OP responded:
Yes?
Neetabug asks:
Is your 19y/o in college? Is he working or making some kind of meaningful effort to better himself?
Dry-Pen-8084 OP responded:
He's taking online courses and working part time, yes.
Here's how people judged OP:
Curious_Attempt4080 writes:
Listen: if you are looking for validation, there will certainly be people on this sub who tell you that you are in the right, that a 19 year old is an adult and that you have no obligation to him once he is past the age of 18.
I’m here to tell you that they are absolutely wrong and you are most certainly raging a**#oles.
Nothing in your post indicates any kind of urgency. A 19 year old may legally be an adult and you may legally be in the clear with respect to any obligation to house him, but a 19 year old is still very young. He also had a reasonable expectation that you would house him as you did his siblings and give him the same opportunity to get himself settled and established as an adult that your older children had.
Instead, you’re throwing him to the wolves of inflation, an unforgiving housing market, and a difficult employment market for young people, and expecting him to be grateful for that.
I am heartened to see your older kids, at least, are standing by their younger brother. Somehow you’ve raised them with values better than your own. Of that, at least, you should be proud. YTA.
mikeinanaheim2 writes:
YTAs. Why did you have kids? Your older kids are wise and understand life. You don't. How in hell can you think it'd be 'putting your life on hold' to be parents for 3 more years to a child you brought into the world?
An apartment is $2000 monthly, so he'd have to work immediately: meaning you don't care if he gets an education first. No education = low paying job probably. For life.
Also 45 is too early and you will be at loose ends at 60 with grandkids who don't care about you or want to see you. Enjoy your solitary retirement with your s**t priorities.
Kenichi_Smith writes:
Lmao, I f***ing cackled when op was like 'they expect us to put our lives on hold for him?' Like hello? What do you think having kids is?
BasketCase092 writes:
YTA. For sure. Don't have children it you're going to dump them as soon as you want to make a lifestyle change. Even if you change your mind and let him stay, I'd leave on principle.
jaquantie writes:
YTA you just seem mean. Let him sleep on the couch