'WIBTA for kicking my son out after he refused to help with chores or pay rent?'
"WIBTAH for kicking my son out after he refuses to do anything or help pay rent?"
Advanced_Narwhal_712
I (39f) live with my husband (39m) and three children (19m), (13f) and (5m) only the youngest is shared with my husband and the other two are from previous relationship, my husband is the only parent working. My (19m) son moved out over a year ago but was back within 6 months and living in our lounge room on a mattress as we didn’t have the spare bedroom.
We had to move soon anyway as our lease was ending, so we discussed it with my son on what his plans were, as the current rental situation is hard to get into he decided to stick it out at home (he was working full time bringing in about 1 grand per week).
We moved into a new bigger house giving everyone their own space. We discussed with him to pay his way, 180 for rent 40 for all bills and 100 towards food this he agreed too.
Shortly after moving into the new house my son was made redundant and received a payout (which he spent most of it on Uber eats) since then he hasn’t paid for anything, is currently about 13 weeks behind on rent, he refuses to look for work, refuses to help out around the house, doesn’t clean up after himself and sleeps all day and up all night playing on his Xbox.
Recently the company my husband worked for was liquidated and we were left with nothing to pay the bills or get food. The last few weeks have been really hard trying to feed everyone and keep the bills paid we still haven’t gotten a full payment and are now behind on everything.
Since this has happened we have had to limit food to make it last which my son has been eating nonstop at night (enough for 2-3 people per meal) and just doesn’t seem to care when I bring it up with him. It has gotten to the point where I don’t eat so that the kids can.
He just got his taxes done and, straight away, he has ordered Uber eats again while the rest of us struggle. He just doesn’t care and expects us to pay and cover him financially which we can’t afford to do. WIBTAH for kicking him out?
To answer a few questions, my 13yo and 5yo are both autistic the 5yo has been non-verbal up until last year, they both have therapy sessions weekly, which take up most of my time during the day. My 5yo will be starting school next year so I am studying at night to increase my chances at a better job to contribute more.
We were able to run the household on my husbands wage before the liquidation happened but since then he has had to take what he could and his hours have been cut due to this. We did have savings but it was used up during the move it cost us 8 grand to move and we hadn’t had the chance to replenish it yet.
Where I live, I only get child support up to 18 years from his father and what I did get was not enough as he didn’t work. We both sat my son down and spoke to him about everything as he is an adult we started with him sorting out his own food, he has his own pantry, fridge and even part of the freezer to store food, but he would just order food instead, causing weight gain.
So we discussed him paying to help with the food bill since it worked out to be a lot cheaper on him. Since losing his job, we haven’t charged him for food/rent just asked that he be more considerate of everyone else I have also asked that he helps out more around the house instead of paying his share but he refuses to help out.
We have also discussed his mental health issues, and I have helped as much as I can, by helping to clean his room and wash all his clothes (took 3 days there was so much) I even started waking him up in the mornings as he was struggling to get up.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Internal-Ride7361
Everyone in this situation sounds like an a**^ole. Yes, your son is a problem, but he doesn't seem like your biggest problem, more like the family scapegoat. Are you looking for work? Why are you writing long posts on reddit and not in your car on door dash or Uber eats doing deliveries right now.
Your family is in a very scary situation, and you're months from being out on the streets with an eviction on your record. This is serious, and your son did not create this situation, nor is he responsible. I would look into unemployment, food assistance, and possibly WIC ASAP. Good luck to your family, I hope this situation resolves quickly.
BlueKeys13
19 is REALLY young to be out in your own with no skills. Parenting doesn’t end at 18.
starchy2ber
Seems like OP is your scapegoat. Someone isn't a bad person because they are poor and have children...
Op has a 5yo at home - unlikely she will make enough to cover childcare costs. Ride share and delivery pays peanuts after expenses like gas. Is the 5yo supposed to sit in the car all day?? Do these people even have a car?? Like you have clearly always been middle class and coddled.
If you think she should be taking absolutely any job, doesn't that same logic apply to her 19yo son?? There is 0 justification for him not contributing anything when they are in this terrible situation.
I would never kick my kids out but there will always be a requirement to do something productive. Either school, trade or work - McDonalds is better than nothing. If they refuse, the console is the first thing to go. If son is going to act like a kid with no responsibilities then he gets treated like a kid who's screen time is controlled by mommy.
noblestromana
Seriously. That commenter couldn’t have read the whole post. Yes the son isn’t the only issue here. But calling him an innocent scapegoat. He’s a grown adult refusing to work or pay wasting money on food delivery while his own mother skips meals to feed everyone in the family, including his grown a**.
kaleidofusion
They may not have been expecting the company husband works for you go under, though, and if they're not high earners, they may not have backup funds. If so, not really poor planning.
Icy_Sky_7521
You can plan all you want when you're poor but it doesn't make money appear from the other.
Swordofthemorning91
You’re an a**@ole. Down vote me I don’t give a f*ck. You have 3 children, your current husband loses his job a month ago… and now there isn’t enough money for food? That’s you and your husband’s fault for poor budgeting. Not your teenage son’s.
You and your second husband need to work harder to provide for your family and set a good example. If your son has no example to work off of- how the fuck do you expect him to step up now or ever?
I’ve seen this story too many times. They get knocked up at 20 or early teens by husband #1, never mature on their own (it’s evident in the way you write), their kid has a tumultuous life, and then once he or she is “legal” you couldn’t be any more happy to cut them loose because the child is from a previous marriage you’ve moved on from.
Do you know what many other 19-year-old-kids are doing right now? They’re going to college because of the sacrifices their parents made.
bizianka
ESH. Like everyone except two youngest kids. You have 3 adults in the family, and nobody works and nobody seems wanting to find solution or communicate.