Postpartum woman throws 12 yo stepdaughter's food in the garbage; 'I just SNAPPED.' AITA?
When this mom is FED up with her husband and stepdaughter, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for throwing my food in the garbage instead of giving it to my daughter?"
What I did was wrong. I feel stupid. I kind of snapped, I guess. My husband and I have 2 daughters. 12yo Hailie my step daughter and 2 month old Hannah.
Since I gave birth and up until about 2 weeks ago, I couldn't keep down any food outside of crackers. It would just make me sick, which the doctors said was because of me adjusting to breastfeeding and that it was normal.
So up until 2 weeks ago, every single hot meal I made was eaten 100% by Hailie and my husband, though I still made myself a portion just in case. Hailie always ate my portion before leaving the table.
She would see it set out on a plate for me, that I would try picking at, but as soon as she touched it I would stop picking at it and she would just take over.
I spoke to her about it a few times because I won't eat anything that another person has touched. It grosses me out. So, she knew. She just didn't care to stop because "it's not like you're going to eat it anyways".
My husband has spoken up to her several times and ultimately told me that I just wasn't making enough food because Hailie was still "starving" after eating her plate and second helpings.
When I was finally able to keep food down again, I started making more dinner to combat the issue. Like I made a big sheet pan of lasagna. Definitely should have been left overs.
But my husband had 2 helpings and the rest went to Hailie because right after I made dinner, the baby was fussy and tired and ultimately needed to be fed so I excused myself to the other room and when I came back a half hour later, Hailie was forking the last portion out of the pan- using her fingers.
So, she touched it- I wouldn't eat it. Or last night, I made 5 medium sized chicken breasts. My husband had 2, Hailie had 2 and I had 1 on my plate. I was eating it slowly, so I wouldn't get sick. Hailie ate her entire plate and then said "you gonna eat that?" And put her finger directly on my chicken.
My husband sent her to her room but ultimately, I didn't eat it. She knew what she was doing. Then tonight.. I made 5 cheese burgers for them (I cant eat hamburger) and 2 hot dogs for myself. Again, I ended up having to feed the baby directly after finishing dinner.
They had eaten by the time I was finished feeding the baby. I make myself up my 2 hotdogs and Hailie reaches over and picks up the hotdog, bun and all, and flips it over, puts it back down and says "was just checking if the bread was moldy" and then looks up and sees me glaring at her and says "oops, sorry, forgot. Guess you're not gonna eat that now so I can have it if you want".
I took my entire dinner, plate and all, and chucked it in the trash can and walked off. She starts crying to my husband about not meaning to upset me and that she was just hungry.
My husband yelled at me for being childish and wasting food and left with his daughter. He said "yeah I get that it's Fing annoying and I reprimand her every single Fing time but you didn't have to stoop to her Fing level. You're more childish than she is."
It's not just with dinner that this happens. Even when I was eating nothing but crackers, she would still ask me for my food. She eats multiple snacks during the day, as well as big breakfasts and lunches.
I'm not even sure what happened. Prior to me having the baby my entire household dynamic was different, or at least seemed to be. There was respect, at least.
I've spoken to a few friends about it and they are saying it's "postpartum clarity" and that it was probably bad before the baby but now that I have the baby, I'm on over drive and hyper alert and just noticing everything far more. I have no idea though. I'm a new mom so I have nothing to base these feelings on.
She's been to a nutritionist and she's healthy. She has a high metabolism and just constantly wants food- as well as bored eats. Never gains a pound though. She's 5'2, 86lbs. (I messed up and wrote 72lbs in the comments because I was reading the wrong pediatrician visit). She's not overweight. She barely gains anything. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
fancybag1345 writes:
NTA but your husband and stepdaughter are. She sounds troubled in some way. At 12 she should understand what she is doing and able to control it so to my mind she is touching your food to provoke you.
I believe you were right to throw your food away, I wouldn’t have touched it with after she stuck her grubby hand in it. Your husband needs to deal with this little minx. Is she jealous of the new baby?
littlesoft1317 writes:
NTA. She’s old enough to know better, and if being told CONSTANTLY (from the sounds of it) isn’t working, then more nuclear options need to be explored. You’re trying to feed a baby, and get yourself back to normal so you can be healthy, and she is clearly deliberately doing it.
F that kid. She needs to be grounded and have things taken away from her until she learns some damn manners and courtesy, let’s throw in going to bed without supper, too. Your husband also needs to grow a backbone and not fall for her crocodile tears act. I’m very angry on your behalf bc I can’t imagine how exhausted you must be.
parsley6 writes:
NTA. In the postpartum clarity, I saw major issues in my marriage that I didn’t see before, things my friends bit their tongue about. From a couple of your replies, I think you’re feeling that way too. I asked my spouse to step up and make those changes because it was no longer acceptable.
It took him hitting rock bottom a couple months ago, but those changes have been made. If he’s not supporting you in ways he promised, don’t be afraid to reevaluate the marriage. Change can happen and it’s slow, but don’t get complacent with waiting.
Do you want your child in a marriage like the one you’re in someday? If the answer is no, ensure change is made with his support or by divorce papers.
Maybe I’m the asshole for this statement: but having a newborn gives you some permission to be a tiny bit selfish. You’re sustaining life with your body. It takes a toll in ways you never expected (like holy cow I have way more cavities now bc of pregnancy lol).
But these weren’t selfish actions. It sounds like you’ve given Hailie a lot. I think standing your ground on the nutrition you need to keep two people living is no where near asshole status.