Pregnant woman disinvited from BF's 'men's only' baby shower; 'I feel like a surrogate.'
When this woman is upset with her bf and bf's friends and family, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for questioning why I wasn’t invited to a baby shower for a child that I’m carrying?'
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We lived separately. He was 30 and lived with his parents. I was 31 and lived with my 6 year old. We had our baby on September 14th.
The baby shower was sometime in August. His aunt decided to throw a baby shower for him. She said it would be a male’s version of a baby shower. Men only, but that was a lie.
She invited his mother, her daughter (his cousin) and herself of course. She said I wasn’t allowed to come. If it were “men only” baby shower, then why were those women there?
Also, that would only make sense if it were a bachelor party. I was carrying the baby and I wasn’t allowed to be there. All my boyfriend said to me that “It was out of his control” I feel like he should’ve stood up for me and said that it didn’t sound fair, that it should be a baby shower for the both of us.
Every baby shower I had been to always had both parents. Also, I didn’t feel like he deserved a party looking like he’s father of the year, because he didn’t even show up to many of my baby appointments except for two of them.
One being when we found out the gender. It was on my birthday, but he had to leave shortly after the appointment, because he was spending the day with his mom. ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Also, they lived together! Another appointment he came to was a three hour glucose test, but he spent half that appointment on the phone with his mother. Also, he wasn’t there much for me during the pregnancy when I was throwing up or needed help lifting something.
I had to do it mostly by myself. Again, we are together. Maybe this would make sense if we weren’t together. He tells me that the baby shower wasn’t out of spite. That it was supposed to be guys only, with the exception of his mother, aunt and the cousin. Yet, I’m the mother.
No, this isn’t the first time I’ve been treated bad by them. This time just happened to really bother me, because it did make me feel like they were doing this to take my baby away from me. Also, anything involving my kids would make me want to be defensive. I also questioned why my 6 year old boy wasn’t invited, since he is in fact a boy.
I did say it made me feel like I was a surrogate, yet surrogates still get treated better than that. I do feel like the baby shower was for him and his mom. I do feel like I’m the baby mama that they all hate.
I do agree that he didn’t stand up for me when they asked him if they could plan that event. He could’ve said that it’s not right to exclude me, but he didn’t. He went along with it. They all claim it wasn’t to exclude me, but who excludes the mother from an event for her baby?
I made sure not have them at the hospital, because I didn’t want a group of people who didn’t like me to be around when I’m trying to recover from my c section and have the privilege to meet the baby after being excluded from an event for my own son. AITA?
Let's see what Reddit had to say.
ultrarelative writes:
NTA, and big yikes. I wish you weren’t linked to this man for the rest of your life, because he’s married to his mom, and you’re the other woman.
valkyriesword writes:
And he and his mother are treating OP like a surrogate for the baby. OP, they don't see you as a person worth their time, merely a vessel. Be prepared for more of the same.
gummick writes:
When I first read the title I thought she must be a surrogate. When I started reading the post I realised I was wrong, she wasn't a surrogate. This is terrible.