Sibling tells brother his clothes are the reason son is bullied, 'just dress different.' AITA?

The truth hurts, but that doesn't make it less true.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, the OP asked if they were wrong for telling their brother the reason his kid is bullied is his fault. They wrote:

"AITA for telling my brother the reason his kid is bullied and unpopular is due to him?"

My brother is the type of person who decides to be their true self without anyone’s opinions. He expresses this a ton with clothes, he will wear outrageous stuff often and his job is online so he wears his clothes often. Think Lady Gaga type of clothes. One day he is in a dress and the next he is wearing a skin suit.

This wasn’t a problem until recently, when he started to drop off his son for carpool. My daughter goes to the same school and I used to drive both of them. Ever since he started to do this he just embarrassed his kid. My daughter refuses to car-pull with him and wakes up early for the bus.

Now what I got from my daughter is he is known as the kid with the weird dad and bullied for it. She also informed me that she will not be helping him since she doesn’t want it coming onto her since it’s her uncle. I’m a little disappointed she won’t stand up to them but I also don’t blame her for not wanting to get involved.

It was bad today and my brother called me ranting that my daughter should stand up for him. I told him the reason his kid is bullied is due to him and he needs to send him on the bus or stop embarrassing him. He’s pissed I blame him and being against his artistic freedom. He thinks I am a huge jerk.

People had a lot to say about this dynamic.

llamadramalover wrote:

He wants your daughter to do for his son what he’s not willing to do himself huh?

He can f&ck allll the way off with that. NTA.

Proof_Option1386 wrote:

NTA - while he has every right to choose not to conform, he is being remarkably insensitive and narcissistic by not only expecting everyone to celebrate him for it, but demanding that you, your daughter, and his son pay a social cost for his non-conformity.

It's also pretty entitled for him to cavalierly claim that your daughter has a responsibility to intercede in the mess he is creating for his son - especially given that this would mean confronting kids two years older than she is! WTF.

Homie_Bama wrote:

YTA.

Remember reddit, bullying is okay if we all agree that the victim deserves to be bullied. Wtf are people in this thread smoking?

I’m not gonna put any blame on the little girl cuz she’s gotta look out for her but OP you’re raising up a little girl that will not stand up for what’s right because it inconveniences her. Would you advise your daughter to stand up for a family member that was wearing an anime shirt and got bullied? What if the dad works as a garbage man? The kid deserves the bullying cuz it’s not a fancy job?

Wtf is up with the people in this thread? On every post where people are getting beat up yall post “why isn’t anyone helping out and just filming” and y’all should know the answer…cuz y’all are too big of frightened little sad excuses for humans to stand up for what right, to stand up for your cousin that did nothing wrong.

daisy-mae3 wrote:

Seemingly unpopular opinion: OP’s brother shouldn’t have to apologize for how he dresses or change his attire to appease children. I think him not backing down or conforming to the norm and staying true to his authentic self could be a great lesson for his son to learn about not giving a fuck what other people think.

Phlox-fox wrote:

ESH. This is a very complicated topic. I understand where you are coming from. It sounds like the easy solution, to just put on a hoodie and not be the weird dad, and the bullying will stop, right? I'm sorry to say that it doesn't work that way. Kids are jerks, people are jerks, and if people decide to be bullies they can do for whatever reason they see fit.

The bullying might have started with your brother looking eccentric, but (and this is horrible to say) if your nephew ever felt as an "easy target" for those kids they would have just found something else. Either way, changing now most likely won't have any positive effect. As a side note, I do think it is actually important for your brother to not back down on this. This is his identity.

He shouldn't be compromising for the sake of AHs, and this could be a good lesson for your nephew, if he is properly supported at the same time. I am split on your brother thinking your daughter should stand up for his son. It is true that showing support from a student from another can sometimes help the situation, and that your daughter withdrawing most likely accentuates the isolation your nephew must feel.

However she is also right in thinking it could just come onto her and it's understandable she wants to protect herself. There are really no right answers on that. If you really want to improve the situation, stop blaming each other. This won't lead you anywhere. Your brother and yourself are the adults. You should be working together on figuring out how to help best.

Clearly, the internet is divided on this.