Stepmom receives threats when she cuts stepdaughter's hair behind bio dad's back.
When this stepmom is fed up, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for forcing my step daughter to cut her hair?'
I (31) met my husband (34m) 8 years ago, and we have been married for 6. He has an 11 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I work from home so I mainly end up taking care of her. I have since she was young. We have a generally good relationship. She stays at her mothers most weekends.
She has incredibly long blonde wavy hair, just past her bottom. It’s a nightmare to take care of. It frequently tangles and she always needs help brushing and styling it before school. I’m not a morning person and I do not like having to wake up early to do a kids hair. It’s expensive to maintain as she requires more products, she insists on using hair oils which can cost around $11 and only last a few weeks.
She also insists she has to use curly hair shampoo instead of regular shampoo and conditioner which is often over $10 per bottle. And she goes through it at a fast rate. She won’t use a regular brush on it as she insists it breaks her hair and hurts so she uses a wide tooth comb which takes a long time to brush when she could be doing other more productive things such as homework or helping me with chores.
I decided she had become obsessed with her hair, and I do not want her to become vain, so I decided it needs to be cut. I don’t see it as a big deal as I have always had shoulder length hair as my hair does not grow very fast and I get frequent trims. It’s a lot more practical.
I took her to the hair dressers as normal. In the car on the way down she said she wants to make sure the hairdresser doesn’t cut too much. I politely explained that I would like her to cut her hair to shoulder length as it has become a burden.
At first she thought I was joking, but when she realised she started to cry. When we got to the salon, the hairdresser was reluctant to cut her hair due to her tears but I explained the trouble we have maintaining it, and assured cutting it would be best for her. In the end the stylist agreed and cut her hair.
The stylist braided her hair then cut it. She kept it. Her hair was now just past shoulder length, and looked a lot darker. The car journey home was silent, I offered her McDonald’s but she refused. She went straight to her room when we got back.
My husband went up to see her when he got home and apparently found her on her bed sobbing holding her old hair. My husband immediately called her mother to come and collect her and as soon as my stepdaughter was out the door, he started yelling. Her mother also came in and gave me a mouthful.
I explained my reasoning but my husband wouldn’t budge. He said if I had issue he would have did her hair in the mornings and that he didn’t mind paying for the products. He was so furious he said he no longer trusts me around his daughter, and doesn’t know if he can be with a woman who he doesn’t trust with her. This broke my heart.
I didn’t mean her any harm, I was just so tired and I’m trying to reduce stress. I’ve always been the one to raise her and her brother and I’m just exhausted. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
impressiverock6 writes:
YTA YTA YTA YTFA How DARE you cut her hair and take away her autonomy just because you have decided she is vain? What the absolute hell. I am seriously at a loss for words that you even have to ask whether or not this was an asshole thing to do. Shame on you, seriously.
puppyjito writes:
YTA. You did this without the child's parents' knowledge or consent. You did it without the child's consent. If the routine was causing problems for you, you should have TALKED TO YOUR HUSBAND. Not arbitrarily decided that you got to choose her hair length. Your husband is right...he can't trust you with her. Be prepared for a divorce.
throwdiscus writes:
YTA. Are you jealous of her hair? You listed off products that are over 10$… most basic decent hair products cost well over that. Just because you don’t care for your own hair properly doesn’t mean you should force your stepdaughter to use shitty product.
Add on the fact that your husband said he would have gladly taken care of her hair in the mornings since it’s such a burden for you tells me that you never even brought it up to him, you just decided one day you were going to make her suffer. YTA.