Woman asks for advice after 6-year-old stepson accuses her of being a gold digger.
"Dad, did you know that OP is only married to you to take all of your money?"
....said my 6 year old stepson, completely out of the blue as soon as he got into his father's car. Right in front of me at that. When my husband asked him what he meant, stepson explained it the best he could- considering that is not even an issue in our marriage. "Well, she says 'I'm gonna go shopping, and she spends all of your money, and that's why you don't have any."
I am not even one to shop. I grocery shop biweekly, and thrift shop once every couple of months. I also make more money than my husband. But I kept my mouth shut because none of that is my stepsons business, and nobody should be putting it into his head that his stepmother is only married to his father for money to begin with.
Over the course of 2 days, he also told me that I "didn't born him" (at least 5 times) in a manner that implied I mattered less, he got in his father's face with "you and my mom have been around my whole life...she hasn't" again in a manner that implied I mattered less.
He made a snobby remark about his father and I marrying "after like a month", and he said several things about how he feels I treat him differently than my own children (for example, I told him "too bad" when he didn't want to carry his water bottle like my kids were, and was demanding that an adult carry it for him- his response was "I bet you wouldn't say that to your own kids")
After his father did some probing, we learned that everything he said came from his mother- the remark about me marrying for money, that I didn't give birth to him, that his father and I married too quickly, and she also told him that she doesn't like me.
When my husband confronted her about this, she apologized and even offered to ask her mom to stop talking s^*% about me too (she lives with her mom). She also said she was trying to make him feel better because he was upset that I disciplined him.
The only reason I disciplined him is because he sm%$ked my 3 year old son so hard that the sound of stepsons hand h^%$ing my son's back could be heard from downstairs (husband and I were watching TV downstairs, kids were playing upstairs) and my son was left with a hand print shaped welt on his back. So...way to condone bad behavior.
But my stepson used to like me. My husband said I'm the only partner of his he has liked, and stepson even told my husband he should get married to me. He was really happy when we did get married. Now he is bratty, disrespectful, and I constantly find him glaring at me like he hates me, and this is undoubtedly because of what his mother has said.
As a parent, why the hell would you condition your 6 year old child to hate an individual that he sees every single week at his father's?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
sounds to me that a trip to family counseling is needed ASAP. this could escalate over time.
classyoboe OP responded:
Stepson is already in counseling, as his mother says he has "too many life changes right now" (referring to her divorce from her current husband & my husband's marriage to me). I have no desire to attend family counseling with them, it seems to me that his mother needs to get over herself
The fact that you refuse to attend counseling to help your stepson and address issues in your family dynamic (regardless of the cause), says a lot about you.
Completely agreed. This is a child you are a grown women. Please get over yourself and understand this is a SIX YEAR OLD
Your post history speaks volumes. You dirty delete but not all of it. You say it’s hard to love him. This kid doesn’t like you because of you.
And she is 6 years old and you are the only partner he ever liked? How many partners did her dad have before you and how fast did you get married? Maybe, just maybe her mom is talking s%$^ for a good reason.
Your comment history says a different story about your relationship with stepson. You definitely need counseling too. Please stay away from him. It’s bad enough his mom is in his ear. He doesn’t need another adult enemy.
A direct quote from you on another post recently: “I too, would sl@p a stepchild for disrespecting me (depending on the extent, but I don’t put up with disrespect from children.), and if stepchild's mother felt the need to drive to my house to slap me for disciplining a child under my own roof, better believe that child’s mother would be sl%$ped right back. “ It seems like the problem is…you.
Here's the full conversation from the other post:
classyoboe OP:
6 yo SK came back one time disrespecting me (and has come back disrespecting me since this.). He told his father that I am just with him to "take all of his money" (this was said right in front of me).
He also told me several times that I "didn't born him", he said that his mom and dad have been in his life his whole life "but she hasnt" in a manner that implied I mattered less. He also said something snotty about my husband and I marrying "after like a month", among several other things.
Found out within 2 days of initially being disrespected that all of this came from his mother! She also told her son that she doesn't like me.
When confronted about having talked s^%& about me to a 6 year old, she said she had to in order to make her son feel better about being disciplined by me.
I disciplined him because he sm^%$ed my 3 year old son so hard that the sound of 6 yo's hand hit^%ng 3 yo's back could be heard from downstairs (husband and I were downstairs with TV on, kids were playing upstairs), and 3 yo was left with a red hand-print shaped welt on his back. I only took his phone and sat him in his room, when I should've sm%$ked him back.
The rage that i would’ve have felt. I would have said ok you take your shirt off let me h%$ you like he h$# my kid then we will see stu%$d b%$%h
classyoboe OP:
I mean, I was pissed when it happened, but kids will be kids I was absolutely livid when I learned that she was condoning that behavior by taking s&^ about me for disciplining him.
That’s what would have had me filled with rage because I bet she’d burn the world down if someone h%$ her precious baby
Without a doubt. I move mountains for those I love, and it is admittedly hard for me to love a child who disrespects me. She is not doing her child any favors by filling his head with BS about me.
No she is not she’s doing nothing but hurting him