'AITA for embarrassing my sister's friend for trying to 'parent' my child?'

"AITA for embarrassing my sister's friend and making her feel unwelcome?"

My sister, cousin and a couple friends came over last night after work. My sister brought a friend of hers I'd only met a few times that I've never had an issue with. At one point I went to the bathroom, and the ladies were in the living room, calmly enjoying wine.

When I came out, my sister's friend was in the kitchen, arguing with my son. I asked her what she was doing. She said my son went into the kitchen to get food, and she told him to wait until I came out of the bathroom to ask me for permission.

I stared at her for a second and then said 'Who the f*ck are you? You don't live here. He does. Who are you to tell him he can't go in his own kitchen?'

She looked surprised and said she was trying to be helpful. I repeated my question of why she thought it was okay to tell someone they can't use their own kitchen when she's a guest in someone else's house.

She dodged the question and then brought up that she's a teacher, which isn't even relevant, and sometimes kids try to get around rules. I asked her what that has to do with anything. I then asked who even gave her permission to go in my kitchen.

She said she followed my son in. I said 'so you think my son needs permission to go in his own kitchen, but you can go wherever you like in my house without invitation? So you have more rights here than he does?'

She said she didn't feel welcome anymore and was leaving. She went back in the living room, grabbed her bag and walked out.

My sister asked what happened, and I explained that she had a disagreement with my son. My cousin and some of the other ladies said they thought it was strange she followed him into the kitchen and had been wondering why she did that, and thought her motive was weird as hell.

My sister and a couple other ladies said her behavior was perfectly normal and I was unnecessarily hostile to her. My cousin said 'but why would you confront a child you don't know instead of saying something to the aunt who's right here? That's so weird.'

Everyone but my sister acknowledged that part was weird, and we all moved on. Later, my sister confronted me privately and said she was upset I 'chased off' her friend. She said she really likes this woman, and that I was way over the top in the way I spoke to her. I can be a little extra when it comes to defending my kid, so was I an a-hole?

Here's what people had to say:

SnooOranges9679 says:

NTA. This lady WAY overstepped and you corrected her in a way that most parents would when their child is being attacked. And he was. You should sleep well knowing you did the right thing and your son will sleep better knowing his parent 100% has his back. Your sister can be upset that a confrontation happened between a friend and her sibling but her friend was way out of line.

TheLandOfConfusion shares:

She thinks since she’s a teacher she needs to always enforce a child-adult power dynamic. I’d hate to be in her class.

But DisneyAddict2021 needs more info:

info…How old is your son? If he’s a younger kid, sometimes other adults will want to make sure the kid is okay, especially a teacher. Either way, I don’t think she had any malicious intent.

She is right, sometimes kids like to sneak things. My nephew would try to sneak into the kitchen after dinner and get cookies, and he was diabetic and not supposed to. You were also unnecessarily hostile and rude.

OP replies:

Ten.

Which seals it for Dlraetz1:

Ten is old enough. If your child were 3 I’d say maybe she was concerned there’s a safety issue.

EatThisShit wonders:

I don't understand why sister was so upset. If people behave like that in the house of someone they don't know, to some kid they don't know, lecturing them about rules they have no idea actually exists, all based on 'I'm a teacher', I wonder what kind of other behaviour sister excuses. This is weird at the very least.

But Double_Top_5708 sees it differently:

I’m going to go against the grain here and say YTA (you're the a-hole). That girl don’t know how things work in your home. How was she to know what you do and do not allow? Y’all saying ask the aunt, again unless the aunt lives with them day in and day out how is anyone besides the mother going to know what is and isn’t allowed?

Was it creepy she followed your son into the kitchen? Yes. But that fact that all she said was wait for your mom to get out the bathroom to ask for permission, I don’t see the issue with that.

You ain’t have to go off on her like that at all. That was completely unnecessary. A simple “it’s fine I usually allow it” or something along those lines would have sufficed but to sit up here and attack someone for not knowing is crazy to me. I’m really not grasping how telling someone to ask their mother is policing a house.

So clarkcox3 breaks it down:

She’s assuming that there’s some rule about the kid not feeding himself, and is trying to enforce that non-existent rule. And that’s not her place. The kid knows what he is and isn’t allowed to do. They didn’t “attack” her for not knowing. They “attacked” her for overstepping her bounds. If you 'don’t know how it functions' then it’s not on you to police how it functions.

caydenslayz writes:

NTA. That friend is way out of line. She was in *your* house trying to boss around *your* son. If she was so concerned, she could have asked his aunt or, idk knocked on the bathroom door and asked you? She has no right to parent your child.

OP responds:

Yeah, I think that's what really pissed me off. If you want to parent a kid, have one. No one parents my kid but me or my husband.

Dramatic-Salad9265 comments:

Very strange situation. Your reaction is understandable and NTA, of course. But man, what was she thinking, what kind of sick behavior that was… she is a teacher at school, she may adhere to some educational standards off work, no issue but she has no permission to invade people’s lives in their own private space.

OP agrees:

Yeah, it really freaks me out that she's unsupervised with other people's kids.

So, there you have it!

It's fine to do your job when you're on the clock, but check your authority at the door when entering a complete stranger's house.