Teenage boy tells parents that they adopted him for clout. Mom & dad deny it. AITA?
When this man feels like his parents are taking advantage of him, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for Telling my Parents That They Just Adopted Me for Clout?'
I (17M) have lived with my adoptive parents, Randy (54M) and Claire (50F) ever since having been adopted when I was 3. I'm the youngest in my family with 3 older siblings: Mindy (26F), Nelly (22F), and Darren (19M).
My parents love telling anyone who listens the story of my adoption, according to them 'they were my miracle'. Their story always goes something like this:
'after our 3rd child was born God told us to adopt! We decided to adopt from the country Randy's brother (my uncle) is a missionary in. Since that country is so poor it was no trouble finding children who needed to be adopted, but as we looked over our options we noticed a little Asian boy with a physical disability (that's me...).
The orphanage told us that nobody was going to adopt the boy because of his birth defects, so out of the the kindness of our hearts we decided to adopt him!' They'll then take their time listing my achievements (which aren't numerous) and talk about how without my adoption I would probably be this poor street kid in my birth country (that is, if I survived according to them).
I've heard the story so many times while growing up, and for the longest time I struggled to figure out why I hated it so much. I hated that I was just another 'option' for them when choosing who to adopt, I hated that I was their charity case, I hated that I was 'lucky' a 'kind-hearted' family decided to adopt me, I hated that I was from a country that I was raised to despise.
I never told them this because they had never displayed a care for me before, often ignoring any signs that I needed help. The last straw came when I transferred schools earlier this year. I had transferred out of the small, conservative private school into a large public school.
I was just getting to know people and had made a quick stopped home with a friend to grab some cash so I could go out that night. It was only my parents at home and they insisted on talking to my friend so I went and got the money from my room in the basement and as I was coming back upstairs from my room I heard my adoptive mom telling my friend the story.
I was upset, but pretended to not hear a thing as I came back up and quickly left with the friend. When I got home I got home I got in an argument with my parents which ended with me yelling that they just adopted me for attention and to feel good about themselves, not because they wanted to provide a stable home for a child who needed it.
I ended up making my mom cry and my dad sent me to my room and told me we'll discuss my punishment later. Since then I've had other family members reach out to tell me that I was TA and was ungrateful for my parents kindness and now I don't know if I'm right. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
curlyton writes:
What they are doing is outright abusive. In more ways than I can reasonably list here. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and I really encourage you to find a support group for tran$-racial and/or international adoptees.
There are many that are online and free, and there are actually whole online communities full of people experiencing this exact thing. You are, of course, NTA.
slothboy9 writes:
I guess NAH. That or ESH. Your parents telling the story of your adoption isn't really the problem. Them giving themselves so much credit and giving off savior vibes is an issue and odd.
However no where did I read that you made any attempt to discuss this with them or how they tell the story makes you feel. You just snapped and lashed out. That's never going to be the right way to handle it.
A good place to start is to apologize to your parents. Talk to them about how you've been feeling. Maybe some form of counseling would be good for all of you as a family and individually.
happybanana writes:
NTA. 'I hated that I was just another 'option' for them when choosing who to adopt, I hated that I was their charity case, I hated that I was 'lucky' a 'kind-hearted' family decided to adopt me, I hated that I was from a country that I was raised to despise.'
I think this is 100% valid. Their words are making you feel this way; that's their responsibility, not yours. I hate this 'be grateful' crap. They CHOSE to adopt you. They are the adults here. Instead of talking about what you brought to their lives...it's all about them and how wonderful they think they are.
You know what? If they punish you for stating how you feel as a result of their behaviour, fine. But I don't believe you should apologise to them.