Teenage girl tells uncle, 'your wife's allergies are fake, my mom's are real.' AITA?
When this teenager is annoyed with her uncle and his high maintenance wife, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my uncle my true thoughts about his wife's allergies vs. my mom's ?"
I (17f) was at family dinner and my uncle (28m) and his wife (24f) were there. For context my aunt is slightly crazy, she claims to be allergic to everything, and normally I would be okay with the allergies until she told me if she didn't like something she would just say she is allergic to it.
When she was asked for a full list of what she was allergic to she said her mom had the list and she didn't know. I immediately stopped caring as much about her allergies.
My mom(40) on the other hand is severely gluten intolerant, like if she gets into it she can't move for days. No one on that side of the family will make any food she can eat. They won't even leave croutons on the side of salads for her.
I had helped to make my favorite food for dinner, bacon wrapped water chestnuts, and my uncle lost it because his wife is supposedly allergic them. I argued back that water chestnuts are a kind of raddish, not nut and he stopped yelling but they wouldn't touch them. Fine by me, I got more.
Later on I was eating a chocolate with Nutella in the middle and I gave my siblings (5 and 6) a piece. My uncle lost it at me saying that my siblings were going to be around his wife and make her sick and put her in the hospital. He was yelling but I didn't care.
I said something along the lines of why should we tiptoe around your wife's diet, when she doesn't even know what she's allergic to, but you don't even care if my mom is able to eat. Your wife's allergies are basically fake and my mom's are real.
My aunt ran out of the room crying and my uncle started yelling at me. My mom got in the way and came to my defense but the a lot of the family is saying I was in the wrong and should just have stopped eating.
My mom told me I did nothing wrong and other family said they hadn't realized my mom couldn't eat the food and that they would do better. The family seems torn but I want an outsiders opinion. AITA? BTW this is my dad's side of the family and he was away for business.
Let's see what readers thought.
longprinciple7 writes:
Nta. You should be treated the way you treat others so good on you for defending your mother. Your aunt may have actual allergies, I wouldn't discount that, but tbh if it was severe she'd know the list.
Specially if it can be triggered by friction or by being inhaled while cooking. Your dad sides of family are visibly favoring one person over the other please ask your dad talk to them if this is not an isolated incident. Ps your uncle has no right to yell at you since your an underage and not his kid.
robbeswatch writes:
When people say they have an extensive list of allergies, they owe it to those providing the food to let them know what is on that list.
"she told me if she didn't like something she would just say she is allergic to it. When she was asked for a full list of what she was allergic to she said her mom had the list and she didn't know."
What a bunch of BS. I'm allergic to a couple of foods. (And some I don't eat for other reasons.) If you ask me what things I cannot eat--or in some cases, will not eat--I can tell you straight out. No list required. You don't have to ask my mom.
As your aunt-by-marriage said, she uses "allergies" as an excuse to avoid having to eat things she doesn't like. Not a great look for a 24-year-old.
BTW: I don't have a problem with someone not wanting to eat something, for whatever reason. But if they're going to use "allergic" as an excuse, you should always ask "what happens when you eat that?"
Like, seriously, I'd have asked the aunt what exactly happens to her when she eats bacon-wrapped water chestnuts. (So I could be prepared for anaphylactic shock or whatever.) Or does she have to consult her mother first in order to answer that question?
stich426 writes:
NTA. That side of the family sounds like a dumpster fire.
If this persists, tell your aunt that for you to take any of her allergies seriously, she’ll need to provide some proof with actual allergy tests being completed.
Everyone will then be on the same page about wheat, barley, and rye being off the table (for your mother’s sake) along with whatever your aunt is allergic to - no more, no less. Everyone’s medical conditions gets consideration, especially after all these years of your mother’s condition was swept under the rug.
Your mom can prove she has a medical condition with either a gene test, blood sample lab from diagnosis, or from her biopsy used to diagnose. Now her medical condition isn’t in question, thankfully.
But if the aunt starts looking at this angle- your mom has to look at labels meticulously and limit her exposure to cross contamination outside the home. She obviously has not been eating their food for a reason. She’s consistent, for a reason, because Celiac Disease doesn’t take a holiday.
realfelicityfox writes:
NTA. Damn good for you, you are demonstrating more maturity than an entire room of adults. A few observations: Your uncle can't seem to get his point across without yelling, huh? Emotionally immature.
Your aunt can't assertively communicate her needs related to her allergens, and straight up told you one time that she's making it all up? Emotionally immature.
Your mom and dad also struggle to assertively advocate for your mom's needs related to her gluten allergy or set boundaries about how/where your family spends their time if her allergies aren't accommodated (ie "if you don't start accommodating my wife's gluten allergy we won't be attending your party"). Emotionally immature.
You did great, kid. Be sure to read the room carefully to know when to stop or tone down the sarcasm, but it sounds like you did an okay job. Well done.
nickcicada writes:
NTA, you can't even take your aunt seriously if she says she is allergic to food because she doesn't like it and she doesn't even know what she is allergic to. My daughter knew her allergies by ages 3. SMH.
nothanks890 writes:
It's sad that a teenager has more sense than the "adults" do in that family. Seriously she's 24 and she doesn't know what she's actually allergic to and her mom has the list. You're a great kid for sticking up for your mom! NTA.