Uncle calls 8 yo niece ugly to 'prepare her for bullying.' AITA?
When this uncle feels like he told it like it is and caused some damage, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for calling my 8-year-old niece ugly?'
My [20m] older sister [32f] and her husband have an 8-year-old niece, who I adore. She’s smart, extremely precocious, and very funny. She’s also, simply put, very unfortunate looking.
Neither her parents are ugly, but she received the worst possible combination of their features. Maybe in time she’ll grow into it with time, but currently, she is as I said, unfortunate looking.
My sister and her husband try to circumvent this by constantly calling her pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, etc. I get that every parent is going to see their kid that way, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to constantly praise her for beauty. Why? Kids are cruel, and they’ll let her know she’s not beautiful.
So all praising her looks does is reinforce that beauty is something to be desired and praised for, all the while with her knowing she doesn’t have it. It’s much better imo to boost her self esteem off the many good traits she does have so she doesn’t have to rely on looks for her confidence.
My sister and her husband don’t seem to understand this or disagree with it, which fair enough, their call as parents. But they insist that I call her beautiful too, and I said no and explained why. I do praise her a lot for her intelligence, her sense of humor, etc.
They say that she is beautiful and I need to call her beautiful so she knows it, so I said bluntly that no, if we’re being honest, she’s ugly, and kids will let her know she’s ugly, so bringing up beauty will only make her see it as something worthy of praise she doesn’t have.
My sister started screaming at me for calling her daughter ugly. I know it can be a sensitive topic, but she’s a grown adult, and I think she should be able to handle honesty on the subject. She thinks I’m a huge AH, but I’m just trying to be realistic and do what I think is best for my niece. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
chippychips4t writes:
Yep YTA. I know lots of 'unfortunate' looking kids that grow into stunning adults. Also vice versa too. Not saying it will happen but it's a possibility. Also instead of family time being a sanctuary and a break from the cruel world her uncle wants it to be more bullying?
Why is he so insistent that she know she is ugly!? Trust me if the kids ugly then they will know about it without their aunt needing to tell them.
throwawayuglygirl writes:
NTA. Everyone who is going Y T A needs to read what I have to say. I was in the same position as your niece. Just a super unfortunate child. No deformities or the like, just a terrible combination.
So my parents, like your niece's parents, did the same thing to me. I was beautiful, I was a princess, everyone was going to think I was so cute. And for a little while, yeah, I had some confidence. I never thought twice about it- why would my parents lie to me?
So, yes. Your niece's parents are doing her a huge disservice. They shouldn't be telling her she's ugly, but they should instead be focusing on the advantages she does have instead of trying to compensate for something she'll never be able to change.
pfftnoo writes:
YTA. Everything you said about it not being good to put beauty on a pedestal and act like that's what's important is true. You're right about the overall attitude. But saying to her parents that she is ugly is completely unnecessary and incredibly rude asshole behaviour.