'AITA for my reaction when my husband threatened to get rid of the family pet?'
"AITA for my reaction when my husband threatened to get rid of the family pet?"
My son and I were interested in getting a cat a year after our elderly cat passed away. My son has been battling depression and the hope was that a cat would be a comfort for him.
My husband hates taking care of pets and we had a written agreement that I would not ask him to do any chores related to the cat. We have had the new cat now for 3 months - he is a real joy - and my son and I make sure to do all the feeding, litter cleaning, nail clipping, etc.
I am not to even ask my husband to turn on a light switch if the cat is on my lap and I can't get up to do so myself.
While I was at the office earlier this week, the cat knocked over a plant in the kitchen. My husband works from home and it was 9:45 am. He texted me a photo of the plant with dirt spilling over the counter and all over the kitchen floor.
He did not text me any details about what he did next. I was in back to back meetings so other than reacting to the text so he knew I saw it, I moved on.
Fast forward to 8 pm. Husband picks me up from subway station after a work dinner I attended. We come home and the plant mess is still all over the kitchen. I am tired and frankly frustrated that he didn't even at least let me know that he left it there and stepped over the dirt multiple times all day while making his lunch and dinner.
So in the moment of frustration and fatigue, being unpleasantly surprised, I called him an a*$&ole. And then I got the broom to clean up.
At this point my husband told me that he was going to return our cat to the adoption agency because I called him an asshole. He went so far as to look up where the cat shelter is located.
I told him my reaction was half because I couldn't believe he left the mess, but half because he could have at least said to me via text: "Hey, I'm leaving this for you to clean up when you get home".
I feel like his lack of communication was a big part of why I was so upset when I got home. While we have the agreement, he also hates a dirty kitchen and so logically might have considered that I would not expect it to still be sitting there 10 odd hours later and at least give me a heads up that I might want to grab the broom when I get home.
The "contract" we have does not say that he can return the cat at his leisure. I feel like his immediate leap to threatening to get rid of our family pet was out of line for the situation - he was looking up the cat shelter location as I was literally sweeping up the mess. He never had to lift a finger to clean it up.
He was just hurt that I called him an asshole, but removing the cat because I called him a name in a moment of frustration seems like a drastic escalation. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
dbhatcoch writes:
YTA. You and your son are responsible for the cat, not your husband. You even put that in writing. A cat does not belong in the kitchen. They are filthy, disgusting animals.
Most people don’t like cat hair in their food. If you are allowed to keep the cat, you need to have defined areas for the cat. The kitchen and dining areas are off-limits to the cat.
kandossi writes:
NTA. Something your husband doesn't seem to get. Sometimes, we do things like get pets we don't really want because it means the world to our kids. Amd even if those pets are 100% the kids responsibility, or in this case yours and the kid's, Sometimes we have to pick up a little slack.
My son has a flock of chickens. I hate the fucking things, but you het your ass I take care of them when he can't. which has been very rare in the past 8 years.
mec writes:
NTA, what the hell is wrong with your "husband" it's a pet he can take some responsibility as well, I don't even know why he thinks he has the right to return the cat.
Maybe ask him how he feels about a divorce, alimony and child support. Tell him some battles must be fought and some let go. It's pretty petty that he even mentioned it to you in the first place.
Sure he doesn't want to do the chores associated with a pet, fine but he prefers to make more mess for you than actually cleaning it up for 5 minutes. How old is this manchild?