'AITA for calling my husband an idiot and leaving with the kids?' UPDATED
↵"AITA for calling my husband an idiot and leaving with the kids?"
We have two young children (under 5). He has had a significant issue with gambling and the casino in the past. He has been doing a LOT better with this since we implemented a rule (his suggestion) that if we both can’t go, neither of us will go. We’ve gone maybe 3-4 times in the past 3 years.
Last night, he was supposed to be going to the gas station and then the store so I could make his lunch for work the next day. We live about 5 minutes from these places. Should have taken him 20 minutes tops. Around 40 minutes after he left, I tried calling him and he did not answer. I looked on find my and saw him heading towards the casino.
The only money he had in cash was the money he was supposed to be transferring between banks to pay his loan payment. I immediately tried calling him again, twice. He did not answer, which is typical of him when he sneaks off to the casino. I texted him and told him we did not have the money for this, all we have is the loan money and money for the week. He didn’t answer.
I tried calling again, and he didn’t answer again. At this point I was mad. I told him “you’re a f#$%ing idiot if you spend that money, you will not make your loan payment if you do.” I texted him again and told him he’s broken my trust again and violated the rule that HE suggested. I told him if he did not turn around the kids and I will not be here when he gets home.
He never answered me. So I packed up the kids and went to my cousins. He tried calling me once at 3 am, which I assume is when he got home. He had to be at work at 2pm, he tried calling me on break at 6 and I didn’t answer just sent him a picture of the kids and said we’re fine and I don’t feel like speaking to you.
My dad and mom have both told me that I was wrong to call him names and wrong to take the kids in the middle of the night (10pm). I said I call it like I see it, only an idiot would go spend money for a bill at the casino and just blow off the face of the earth while doing so. AITA?
People got real with OP on this one.
grayfern wrote:
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
He’s so fond of gambling he bet on you not following through and he lost. Good for you for calling it like it is.
pooppaysthebills wrote:
NTA. You've got littles, and this idiot is going to mess up your entire financial future if permitted to run around free of consequence. Go back to pack up, separate your funds and stay gone until he admits that his gambling and actions are a problem, he voluntarily commits to and regularly attends therapy and turns over control of the family finances to you.
notNickCannonskid wrote:
NTA, breaking his own rules and ignoring your calls and messages and risking y'alls financial future? Definitely NTA but he is and he needs help. He has an addiction. It's not my place to tell you what to do with your marriage but your husband needs help beyond what you can give him.
Impressive-Amoeba-97 wrote:
NTA and your parents' reaction kinda tells me how you chose this dude in the first place. Your own parents didn't put you and their grandchildren first, they put a schmuck that spent money he didn't have to spend and essentially was fine with destroying his family, first.
So in the choosing, you didn't put yourself first, but somehow in this mess, you see it's wrong to NOT call it like you see it, which gives me hope for your future. It's not wise to be financially tied and liable for your husband's debts.
Update from OP:
He got off work about an hour ago. Called me and asked if I was coming home yet. I said idk, I’m not really ready to talk to you in a level headed manner and I’m still very mad. He then told me “stay gone until you figure your shit out then. If you wanna leave stay gone.”
I tried to tell him he doesn’t get to speak to me like that when he’s the one who f-----d up, but he hung up on me. He also unplugged all the security cameras in the house????
Response to OP's update:
See for me this would be a clear signal to "stay gone" as he's advised you to. You don't need him if he acts like this and puts your children and you second to gambling. Stay with someone trustworthy and think if its really better to be with him and his gambling or without him. Unless he seriously tries to quit and goes to a support group then I wouldn't bother.