Woman giving birth screams at MIL in delivery room; 'YOU'RE DEAD TO ME.' AITA?
When this new mom is furious with her MIL after she gives birth, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling MIL she was dead to me after she showed up in labor and delivery without my mother?"
For the past 3 months it's been a very well known plan that when I (30f) went in to labor, my husband was going to drive me to the hospital and my MIL was going to pick up my mother, my kids and my grandmother (all from one house).
BOTH my MIL and my mom were supposed to be in the delivery room. My gram was to watch my two kids in the waiting room. Everyone was in agreement with the plan. Now, my husband and I have 2 sons already and for both births, my mother was present.
She helped me through so much of the mental anguish and panic, especially after my last- whom literally almost killed me. I was bleeding out on the table and my mom was the only one able to keep me calm. I needed her to be with me with this baby too; mentally. So we worked this plan out months in advance and everyone was on the same page.
However, I go in to labor.. we make the phone calls to MIL and my mom. Telling my mom to be ready and my MIL to go get my mother. An hour and 15 minutes later, MIL shows up at the hospital without my mom, my kids or my grandmother.
She said "well it's late so we need to just let everyone sleep" (it was 9:30pm) and then sat her a$$ down on the chair in the delivery room and jumped on her phone. I told her in a pissed off tone to go get my mom, that was the plan, I needed my mom, etc etc and she just wouldn't.
At one point saying that she didn't feel up to driving that much (my mom lives 20 minutes from her house, an hour away). So, I told her to get the F out of the room and that she was dead to me.
The amount of resentment and disgust that I felt toward her in this moment is honestly not something I feel I will overcome any time soon. She was angry, saying that my mom got to experience 2 births already and how she didn't do anything wrong and she was "just being respectful of people's sleep" and where she wasn't leaving, she was actually escorted out.
Now, my mom was able to make it to the hospital literally just as I was giving birth. My kids and my grandmother weren't able to make it, which bothers me a great deal (we promised our kids they would be the first to meet their sister, outside of us and grammie).
I cannot forgive my MIL for this at all. I honestly feel like I hate her with every fiber of my being. But I'm being told I'm taking this too far and that it wasn't that big of a deal. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
mainegg320 writes:
NTA. It’s pretty obvious she did this purposefully because she’s resentful your mother was at the first two births and she wasn’t. Her excuse is BS. It was 9:30 at night, not 3am!! I would be livid as well! Personally, I’d go LC/NC until she is able to fully understand how wrong she was for pulling that bs.
onautopilot9 writes:
NTA. Childbirth is super traumatic and beyond painful. Your mother was the ONLY ONE to calm you down the last time when you nearly died. Doctors need that. Your MIL was coached/told the plan for this labor MONTHS IN ADVANCE.
It was 9:30pm and everyone would be fine being woken up (if they were even sleeping) to come meet a new member of the family. Especially if it meant that much to your first two children.
This was manipulative, a severe power play, and she even sat down/ignored you in the delivery room to be on her phone. She made it about herself and didn't even focus on being there for you - She just wanted to say she was the first and only one there. She revealed her toxicity when she said your mom got to be there for 2 births already. Like what's the point?
The point is you made plans in advance, you wanted and needed your mother/children/grandmother there. That was the plan. Nothing derailed this plan. Your MIL decided to derail it and act like their "sleep" was more important to hide her ulterior motives.
Whoever is telling you that you're making it a big deal out of nothing, tell them IT IS a big deal, because what if a similar traumatic birth happened and you couldn't be calmed down? Your heart rate couldn't be stabilized?
Because you were stuck in a room with a person who disregarded you, your wishes, you couldn't trust in such a vulnerable time, and honestly DGAF about your health because they wanted to be on their phone.
Congrats on your baby, wish you a speedy recovery, and hope you go NC/LC with this atrocious MIL. Like the sheer audacity, oof.
blucola333 writes:
What gets me is how she apparently she doesn’t gaf that a woman in labor might need her own mother for support.
That she parked herself in a chair and got on her phone‽!! What kind of support is that? You’re not a Super Bowl halftime show for crying out loud. I’d be petty and never let this go. NTA.