Woman 'holds flower girl hostage' after bridezilla's demands go off the rails. AITA?
When this woman is appalled at her SIL's bridezilla behavior, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for removing my daughter as flower girl in SILs wedding?'
My (F35) SIL (husbands sister) is getting married in about 6 weeks. A year ago, she asked my husband to be a groomsman, my daughter (will be 5 by the wedding) to be the flower girl, my son to be the ring bearer (18 months by the wedding), and me to be a bridesmaid.
She did say if the expense of four of us in the wedding was too much, she could find a bridesmaid to take my place. My husband and I knew that with kids in the wedding (1 or 2) we would be actively parenting the whole time and it would not be a “fun” wedding for us but decided if it was what his sister wanted we could totally do it.
My one concern was that baby boy might not be steady enough to walk down the aisle and the attention might make his entrance unpredictable. SIL thought the 5 year old could pull him down the aisle in a wagon but he’s a chunky baby and she would struggle with the weight and attention.
I said we can try to have him walk but worst case scenario I could carry him down and have someone up front (a cousin) ready to take him. She was onboard.
Now we are 2k in on outfits, showers, gifts, etc and I did most of the coordination for the multiple pre wedding parties. Now my MIL is getting involved (she is footing the entire 50k bill). She called to confirm that the 5 year old could go without a car seat in the limo because she wants to get a smaller limo.
Hubby told her smaller limo won’t be an issue since we will follow in our car with both kids in car seats since baby boy will need a nap and maybe the z5 year old would shit her eyes for a few.
MIL lost it. Apparently, even though our invit said “x” family and we RSVPed for 4, only the 5 year old is invited. She expects up to leave the 18 month at home. We have a tux being delivered in 2 weeks, did not make plans for overnight childcare, and he was asked to be in the wedding by the bride.
MIL is insisting he go on vacation with my parents or my parents cut their vacation short to come to the wedding as babysitters (they were not invited to the wedding originally). I booked my summer nanny for the weekend (another $500) because I didn’t want to put my parents in that position but she went around me and asked my parents anyway (they are not friends).
My parents will do this but I don’t want to ask them to give up their vacation to be an unpaid babysitter when the weren’t invited to the wedding to begin with. SIL would still like both kids and really wants a flower girl but won’t go against her mom at this point and tell her that she asked baby boy to be in the wedding (and approved the tux)!
So AITA for taking away the flower girl too? I'm holding my girl hostage if that's what it takes! Honestly at this point I’m just tired (lots of other wedding drama with MIL and SIL) and an easier night and sleeping in the next morning sounds wonderful. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
spiritudig7 writes:
Nta. It’s time you and hubby sit down and have an honest conversation. This needs to stop. I think you and your babies need to go join your parents on vacation, or stay home and have a staycation.
Hubby should go be a groomsmen if he wants. It’s time that you and the kids bow out. Return the tux, return dresses and accessories. Your MIL is your husbands to deal with, but you don’t have to try and jump through hoops while dragging your kids through them as well.
anniemunuf writes:
NTA I know that you want to support your FSIL but, all 3 of you should have been planning all of this together. Especially since your (AH) MIL tried to control your wedding, did you think that she wouldn't do the same thing this time?
I'm sorry that your out of money, but you could have expected this to happen imho Also just because your MIL is paying for the wedding doesn't mean that she can make every freaking decision. You shut her down, and so should your FSIL.
lynxstorm writes:
YWNBTA - look, this whole situation sounds stressful as fuck. The fact that you've been getting mixed signals from SiL and MiL on the coordination of the wedding sucks. You're trying to do your part by your married-into family, and they're totally letting you down. I would be immensely frustrated.
You could very calmly lay out that as a parent, you're no longer comfortable with 5 y/o being the flower girl and you hope they can find another suitable flower girl. Realize though, this is the nuclear option.
It might be good to talk to SiL about what she expects to happen here. Or talk to MiL about why she's so against 18 m/o participating, esp considering the bride wanted him to be a ring bearer a YEAR ago.