Woman's sister 'judges her parenting;' claps back, 'seriously? your daughter's the worst.' AITA?
When this woman feels judged by her sister and is confused about her own parenting, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for yelling at my sister after she judged my parenting?"
I (33F) have a two kids (11F and 8M) with my husband. Our daughter is usually a good kid, which is why we were appalled when we got a phone call from her teacher about her bullying another student.
Her teacher told me that her and a few other girls she is friends with were bullying a boy in the same grade, but in a different class at recess. A few of the boys in her class are friends with the boy, they were playing basketball at recess when he asked to speak to his friends.
He told them my daughter and her friends were bullying this boy because he is transgender. The other boys immediately went to the teacher to tell her, even though he asked them not to because he was scared of the social consequences.
When my husband and I found out about this, we were furious. It’s also personal for my husband, he’s a teacher and a baseball coach and he has a student who’s an 8th grader and is a trans boy, the boys on his team are friends with this boy and while he doesn’t play with them, he helps out with a lot of the behind the scenes stuff (like equipment, acting as a scorekeeper at games).
He knows how much both his players and the trans student admire him.
We told our daughter she was grounded until further notice, she lost all electronics, she can’t see her friends outside of school, ect. It’s school and home, that’s it.
We got the phone call about a week ago. Last night, we were at my sister’s (37F) house for dinner. My daughter was there but she could only read books, no playing video games with her cousins or brother.
My sister asked what happened and I told her, and she said I was being too harsh on my daughter and that I should lift the punishment on her.
My sister’s oldest is her daughter who is 14. Her 14 y/o is a massive trouble maker, back in 7th grade, she got suspended from school multiple times for participating in the “devious licks” trend, stealing a hand sanitizer from the school bathroom and when she got back, she tried to steal a mirror.
My niece also has got in trouble for bullying and recently attempted to shoplift but her brother/my nephew (10M) noticed what she did, told her, and she put it back before she got in trouble.
My sister and her husband never punish their daughter, they figure “the school already punished her enough” when she gets punished at school.
I told my sister I punished my daughter so she didn’t turn out like her daughter. I yelled at her for disrespecting my parenting. We got into an argument and it left in my family leaving early.
Later on last night, my sister called me to work things out, she demanded I apologize, but I refused to do so because I think she’s the one in the wrong, but she keeps telling me she won’t speak to me until I apologize. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
kitos6 writes:
ESH. Punishing your child for being a nasty little bigot by taking her video games away is not going to teach her to not be a nasty little bigot. Don't dish it out if you can't take it. You went for her parenting first and bonus points you picked on a 14 year old girl to do it.
She shouldn't be undermining your parenting, especially in front of your kids... But then you were viciously mean about her eldest in front of the kids so it seems like this whole family needs a lesson in class.
You should pologize to your sister and she should apologize to you. Then you should both figure out how to turn your children into decent people.
background7 writes:
YTA- You are visiting a family member's house, and your daughter is not allowed to participate with what her cousins are doing, and your sister says your being too tough on your daughter and that is somehow "judging your parenting"?
but then you turn around and say "I'm punishing her so she doesn't end up like your daughter" Which is 100% judging HER parenting?
She was also the adult and called you to try and work on things, and demanded an apology for the crappy thing you said about her first born and that was the line for you? You didn't say or do anything wrong? You don't think you should have both apologized?
This might be a "it was none of her business" situation, but she wasn't the AH. And it is indirectly her business when your punishment occurs at her residence. What are her kids supposed to do, make your daughter read in the corner with her hand over her ears if they want to watch tv in the same room she's in?
On a side note, your daughter "is usually a good kid" but somehow is transphobic when it clearly wasn't learned at home. Your response is grounding her from electronics and friends?
Like you don't sit down and have a discussion with her about tolerance, standing up for others? You take away TV? You don't try to find out why this is case and try to fix it, you just have an anger and punishment response without trying to fix the real issue? Maybe your sister should be judging your parenting.
shady6 writes:
NTA. I think she had massive gall to tell ya that u were being to harsh on ur daughter, when actually that was a perfect punishment, bullying is completely unacceptable and i'm glad that u were appalled to hear what had been happening. At least u give a damn unlike ur sister.
snake0 writes:
Yta. You could have said we will see and switch topics, we want to make a point and switch topics, pretty much anything but so she's not like your daughter. Agree or disagree with their parenting you attacked your sisters parenting so what did you think was going to happen?
From your description your sister just said she thought your were being strict, but that is just an opinion, you don't make sound like she was over the top criticizing you.