Woman refuses to get adult baptism to accommodate family. AITA?
When this person is annoyed with their family, they ask Reddit:
"AITA for refusing to get "adult baptism"?"
My brother and SIL are having a baby. Everyone is rather happy and are talking about it etc. So the other day I was talking with my aunt about it and she mentioned christening and then asked me when I would do confirmation.
For those who don't know - confirmation is like adult baptism, where for christians is the affirmation of your belief in God. In my country almost everyone has it, because it is a part of religion class in secondary school. But I did not attend the class so I do not have confirmation.
I never believed in God, even when I was a child and I was very vocal about it to my father. He stopped trying to force the belief on me after the first communion and it wasn't even a fight to get him to sign me an excuse from the religion class for the rest of my education.
Both grandmothers and grandfathers did not know about it. I never mentioned it and whenever the topic came I just didn't participate even when I knew they were trying to bait me. I also figured that I don't have to go to church by the age of 11, because they let me go alone. So every Sunday I was going on a walk.
I think my atheism came out at the time everyone my age was supposed to get confirmation. Nobody commented on it, but I think that they noticed that I didn't invite anyone to the ceremony. And suddenly after that everyone stopped trying to talk about God around me.
But some days ago my aunt asked me when I was going to confirm, because this is my first nephew/niece and I have to be a godmother. I thought that she was joking, but she told me that I can pay a priest to get it in a week.
I told her that I am not going to do that as this is against not only my views but also I think that this is disrespectful to people who actually believe in God. She told me that it's unfair to my brother and I always have to be vocal about my atheism etc., but I successfully changed the topic.
The thing is - I never said anything. I always avoid the topic while I feel that my family tries to bait and force me on their beliefs. Also I think that they are hypocrites, because only my maternal grandparents are regularly going to church.
I don't understand why they whould bully me into faith when they should be happy for my brother and SIL baby. And I say they, because I have a feeling that this topic won't end with my aunt. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
yanasia writes:
You don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do. That’s one of the really cool things about being an independent adult. If you don’t want to do the thing, you don’t have to do the thing. Nobody can make you do the thing, and anybody unhappy about that can be unhappy, as they go pound sand.
And if you not going through the christening means you don’t end up being a godparent or whatever, well, that is the decision of the parent. NTA.
timelyegg6 writes:
Point out to your aunt that you are being more respectful to her faith than
you areshe is. You are an athiest and it would be unfair to be confirmed just to tick a societal box. A confirmation is a promise to God to live by his tenets. You can't do that in good faith.
And if God is real, then you wouldn't want to lie to him to look good in the eyes of the congregation. I'm sure the Bible says something about hypocriscy.
As to being a Godparent, that could be tricky depending on how religious your brother and SiL are. Part of being a godparent is guidance in the faith until the child gets to make own decision at confirmation.
If this is expected, I'd decline that role but say you are happy to be in the child's life as an adult they can always turn to. Though it seems that your aunt is making assumptions about you being a Godparent and that may not be something your brother and SiL are asking of you or anyone else.
carelessad98 writes:
Nta, you don't need to cave here, you have the right to religious freedom, that also means not believing in one. But personally I've been thinking about this from an atheist perspective with a personal relationship to a theist.
If they're so concerned with my eternal salvation and it would put them at ease with little to no cost to me, I'd just do it. I could be wrong but they aren't pressuring you to fake belief, just take Jesus shower.