Woman refuses to go to Xmas after husband's family 'excludes' her daughters. AITA?
When this woman is furious with her husband's family, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for refusing to go to Christmas because my husband’s family excluded our daughters from a family trip for the other kids?"
My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have a toddler son together and I have 2 teen daughters from a previous relationship. He loves them and treats them like his own. The problem is that his family never accepted my daughters as family but it’s always been low key until this thanksgiving.
My husband’s brother was transferred to England for work and recently completed the renovation of his house in Mayfair. He was telling us about his life there and the conversation went to a mall called Harold’s. He went on and on about how great it is decorated for Christmas and unlike anything he’s ever seen.
All of the nieces and nephews got excited and eventually they wanted to go. He said they’re welcome to stay at his new house and throughout thanksgiving, the kids were begging their parents to go. Eventually about a dozen kids got permission to go to England for a week during their break to stay with my BIL.
He offered to pay for the kids whose parents couldn’t afford to send them and offered to cover the cost of their stay. My daughters were not invited which made me mad.
I pulled my husband aside to remind him that we’re married and part of this family too. He asked his brother if our girls can go and his brother flat out told him that he’s not going to take responsibility for 2 teen girls.
I called out his BS and pointed to the fact that several of the kids who are going are teen girls. We argued until my husband begged me to drop it.
Last night he brought up looking for flights back to his parents for Christmas which is when I told him we’re not going because the way they treated us during thanksgiving. We discussed it until I told him I’ll reconsider if his brother apologize but I know his brother won’t. He’s one of those guys who thinks he’s the boss of everyone and is never wrong.
I know I’m right to defend my daughters but it’s making my husband sad to not see his family for Christmas. Should I give in and allow us to go? AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
3xiduck writes:
YTA. You married your husband, that's who has to accept your girls. No-one isn't accepting your girls. This man doesn't want two unrelated teenagers to come visit him alone, everyone else is blood relative who's he's known forever since their birth I assume.
"my daughters weren't invited" -- sounds like the kids who asked to go, were allowed to? Did your daughter ask him? Did you? Or did you expect him to go out of his way to invite them on his own?
Also... If you think it's "Harold's" and not the correct name, it sounds like you are putting zero effort into learning where these kids are going or to prep them in anyway.
You can't demand that extended family accept your kids. You chose to get married DESPITE knowing how they feel about your kids. You made the choice to get married into this family. Your husband can see his family. Sounds like you're not that much different from your BIL.
capfan1066 writes:
NTA. Do not give in. If your husband wants to see HIS family during Christmas then he can go by himself. His family showed you what they think of your daughters and by extension you, which isn't part of their clan.
Have your own special Christmas with your daughters and your husband needs to take actions that backs up his belief that he treats your daughters as if they are his own.
My parents treat my stepchild the same as my bio child. There is an age gap so the things they do are different but they are age appropriate and the effort is the same for both. It's not about the money, it's the effort. Giving effort is such a low bar to meet.
loww writes:
YTA. You're punishing your husband for something his brother has done. Also, it's great that your husband considers your daughters his, but the rest of the family didn't sign up to that.
Your daughters weren't babies or toddlers when you got married, it is always going to be different. It would have been lovely if your BIL had invited them too, but presumably he's known the other kids since they were born - that isn't the same as hosting two teenage girls he barely knows, and I'm not at all surprised he doesn't want to be responsible for them.