Woman refuses to take cystic fibrosis test for BF. AITA?
When this woman is annoyed that she has to take a DNA test, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not wanting to get a DNA test?"
My bf and I are both from the same mountain town. It’s now a popular ski town but there are about 4000 or so permanent locals. We met and live in a college town a few hours away.
My bf knows he has cystic fibrosis in the family. He doesn’t know if he is a carrier but said he wants to get verified once he can pay for testing. His mom is a carrier and that was verified by genetic testing.
I did not think my family had any cystic fibrosis but recently my cousin’s son got diagnosed and it’s been a huge shock to the family. My cousin and his fiancé got tested and they are both carriers. No one in my family has shown symptoms before so no one thought we could have the genes for it. My aunt and uncle are going to get tested.
I told my bf and he wants me to get testing for both being a carrier but also do a DNA test with him.
He thinks there is a chance that we are related because we both come from the same town and also that both our families have cystic fibrosis in it. I’m willing to get the genetic test to see if I’m a carrier cystic fibrosis but if I’m not I don’t want to do the DNA test to see if we are related.
He says his great uncle cheated on his great aunt multiple times so he thinks if it happened it might have been from back then. Partly I just feel like the chances are too low and partly I’m really scared we might be because I’m sure he will break up with me if it’s positive. I don’t blame him if he did but we are very serious and discussing marriage.
I’m scared we could be related and it would end the relationship. I realize it’s irrational because if we were related I’d want to know before we married and had a child but I don’t want to confirm it.
My bf is angry because to him we can’t keep having a relationship until the question has been answered. He’s moved into the living room to sleep and I feel pressured to do it but I really don’t want to. AITA>
Let's see what readers thought.
fearbased0 writes:
NTA. Get the CF test done. I mean, I had the CF test done to see if I was a carrier back when I was pregnant with my kid 18 years ago--that was already then considered standard of care for pregnancy.
As for the two of you being related ... if he's saying you could be related due to his GREAT UNCLE cheating on his great aunt, that's such a distant relationship to begin with. Like not all all in the realm of "close relatives who shouldn't get married." Demanding you get tested for being related as a result of that is just silly.
Demanding you be tested for degree of relationship due to the CF in both your families is also just silly.
Being a carrier for CF is actually pretty common in white Europeans of several different ancestries and it's highly likely that the group that originally settled your town were all of a particular European ancestry. (Just out of curiosity, are you all of Irish ancestry?)
drinking7 writes:
YTA if you want kids at all. If it turns out you are related, then your relationship more likely will transform rather than end. If you aren't, then you can keep going forward as you are. If you don't take the test, it's completely over.
coastlakid6 writes:
NAH. I think you're both right for wanting but not wanting to know. Where I think you two need to align is on if this will fundamentally change your future together or if it is something that would be a non-issue. But I would start with whether or not you're both carriers for CF.