Woman refuses to let sister's 'bigoted' FIL to attend family Christmas. AITA?
When this woman doesn't want her sister's FIL to attend her family Christmas, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for asking my sister's bigoted father in law to not come to our family xmas dinner?"
My sister's (30F) father in law ( 50M) is a sad homophobic man. I found out through my brother in law (30M), that FIL is not comfortable with having my wife ( 25F) and I (24F) over for new years dinner ( because gay). My parents support this, saying his house his rules. Which I get....
But, now he wants to come to our close family xmas dinner and frankly I just don't feel comfortable being around him. I also don't trust that he will behave himself because I feel like he's gotten worse over the years, saying things like " the gays are ruining america".
I confronted my parents with how I felt and they said he's not homophobic. Which is just not true, everyone in the family knows and has acknowledged that before. I asked my mom if he could not come to our dinner and she said no.
I don't want to tell my parents what to do, it is their house. I don't really know what my options are ....except I guess sadly not coming home for Xmas anymore. And now I feel like the asshole for asking. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
kyjellydougnot writes:
NTA. Although your family does have the final say who is allowed to come over. If the rest of your family knows he's homophobic I'd devise a plan with them to show your parents he is.
Ultimately though the two options you have is to either not go and hopefully the people.there speak up for you two. Or go and the other family is on watch and will help defend you from anything he might say and have your back.
asleeptank8 writes:
You are NTA but my dear, your parents, if not homophobic, are absolutely fine with the behavior.
“My parents support this, saying his house his rules” that’s true that you can’t tell him how to behave in his house but your family didn’t have to support him by going to his house for new years, not your parents or your sibling.
Now they’re totally cool with him coming to Xmas where they’re fine with how he acts but you’re supposed to be uncomfortable.
Absolutely not, and you would be a terrible wife if you forced your wife to endure that. It’s not just you you need to stand up for, it’s her. If she’s important to you you can’t stand for your family being complacently homophobic this way.
You need to state clearly to them that them inviting him and going to his party is supporting his homophobia and if they feel that’s ok then you and your wife won’t be around anymore. If that doesn’t go well and they still have him around and go to his stuff than go NC for a while.
They aren’t there for you. You should move on.
euphorictravel writes:
NTA, OP. Unfortunately, your family has not taken a stand to exclude your sister’s FIL due to his action to exclude you and your wife. His values should not rule the day or days, especially when you all are the core family unit.
I think you have the choice of attending and trying your best enjoy being with your loved ones despite his presence, and opting out to enjoy the holiday on your own. In either case, I would calmly explain your choice to your parents and explain that you will not suppress who you are around him.
But I would also not use yourself to provoke him on purpose to demonstrate something to your parents, as some have suggested. I think that would be almost like objectifying yourself, and it would result in everyone present being upset and embarrassed. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
By being your sane and dignified self, you show them all up for their bigotry. I’m so sorry, OP; but I’m pretty sure you are going to have a good holiday on your own terms whatever you choose.