Woman shocked at sister's wedding. Bride says 'take our brother's ashes off your neck.'
When this woman is shocked by her sister's 'insensitive' bridezilla move at her wedding, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for wearing my necklace at my sister's wedding after she told me not to?'
I (24F) was a bridesmaid in my sister's (28F) wedding this week, and it was not without its drama. The drama directly between the two of us started at the rehearsal when she told me her plans for my bouquet.
She wanted me to take my necklace off and pin it around the stems, then display the bouquet at her reception, out of my sight. I was visibly uncomfortable with this and started tearing up, and I could tell that she was annoyed.
My necklace is a glass bead that was blown using our brother's ashes and his cremation tag. He died unexpectedly a few years ago and afterwards my mom, sister and I each had matching necklaces made.
She rarely wears hers but mine is a fixture on my body; I haven't taken it off since we received them. My brother was the person I was closest to in the world; he was severely autistic and I was his 'person' for everything. He and my sister were never very close.
The interaction we had was at the very end of her rehearsal before all of the goodbyes, and right after my sister left I started crying and told my mom how uncomfortable I would be not wearing my necklace. She was in agreement with me and also felt uncomfortable taking hers off.
The morning of her wedding, my sister gave my mom and I each charms with my brother's initials that she wanted us to add to our bouquets. She didn't address the necklaces any further until we were literally walking out of the bridal salon to go down the aisle; she told my mom and I that we had to take off our necklaces and put them on the bouquets.
I told my sister that I didn't want to take it off, and she told me that the tag is 'ugly' and that I needed to put the necklace on the bouquet.
The wedding coordinator stepped in and told me that I needed to take my necklace off now, and I responded with 'It's my brother's ashes, I'm not taking it off.' My mom immediately jumped in on my side and said that I wouldn't be taking it off, but that I could turn it around and hide it under my hair.
We were pushed out the door so it ended at that. I left the tag and bead hidden behind my hair for the pictures as well and only flipped it back when we sat down for dinner.
My sister didn't interact with me at all for the rest of the day, and hasn't spoken with either of us since the wedding. My mom is on my side, but I'm not sure if I took a wrong step here. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought about this débâcle. They were torn!
zelousideal writes:
Ehhh. Soft YTA. I wonder if she didn't want a reminder of death in her wedding photos. She clearly made an arrangement for her brother's memory at her wedding and i think it was sweet to acknowledge him but I can understand being uncomfortable with seeing literally a cremation tag in her bridal photos.
alarmingprob7 writes:
NTA. As an event planner, I am little surprised & also sad for you & your Mom. This problem should have been resolved well before your entrance or there is no problem.
I have honestly never heard of anyone using their display wedding bouquet to hold a valuable piece of jewelry. That was not a very good plan. I think your solution was perfect.
Your sister’s reaction is very strange. Forcing anyone to do anything they are uncomfortable with during a wedding can change the entire ambiance of the event. Sorry this happened. It appears your sister owes you & your Mom an apology. She created unnecessary drama & potentially ruined her own experience.
snoohobbies writes:
NTA. I am very sorry for your loss and you were 100% about not letting your sister push you around regardingthe necklace. I would like to point out taht there is something that does not add up in your sister's point of view.
If these necklaces are so precious, why is she willing to place them somewhere they are likely to get lost or damaged? It cannot be about aesthetic and not having something taht reminds people of your brother int he photos, or else she would simply have asked you not to wear them.
Putting the necklaces around the bouquet seems like the perfect way to get them lost, just like what happened with your mother's (thank god it was found again). I would suggest that you and your mother sit with your sister and ask what was she thinking about. Don't back down, don't let her gaslight or guilt trip you, SHE was in the wrong, not you.