Woman takes back stepdaughter's birthday gift after she treats daughter badly.

AITA for returning my stepdaughter's birthday gift because she didn't save a cupcake for my daughter?

I'm, f33 engaged to my fiance, m36. I have a 4yo daughter and he has a 16 yo daughter.

He comes from a conservative family so we won't move in together til after marriage. So far we're on good terms as a blended family. But I noticed that my stepdaughter acts kind of distant towards my daughter.

Every time I try to talk to my fiance about it he'd tell me to give the kids a chance to bond and warm up to each other.

My stepdaughter's 16th birthday took place on Sunday. Since she's into baking. She decided to bake cupcakes instead of having an actual birthday cake. My daughter and I went over to my fiance's house to attend the party and I brought my stepdaughter a gift which was an iPhone.

We sat down as she started serving everyone cupcakes. Then when it was my daughter's turn, she bluntly said she was sorry but she didn't save any for my daughter. I felt confused, I asked if she made enough cupcakes and wether there were guests that came uninvited.

She said no and that she just didn't make one for my daughter. I asked why, she refused to say. I was so mad and felt hurt on my daughter's behalf. I got up and told my fiance that I wanted to leave. My fiance tried to stop me and offered his cupcake to my daughter but I refused to take it.

On the way out, I grabbed the gift I brought for my stepdaughter and she stood there and watched. I could hear her yell 'dad she took the iPhone' while I was walking out with my daughter. My fiance tried to get me to go back inside but I refused.

Later, He came over and we had an argument. He said that I overreacted, and that I know how some teenagers can be moody and do random stuff without an explanation so I shouldn't have taken it personally.

I said she excluded my daughter and didn't save her a cupcake but he said it was just a cupcake and then reminded me that he offered his cupcake and said I should've accepted it and called it a day.

He said taking the iPhone which was supposed to be a gift back was poor taste and it might hurt my relationship with his daughter. I refused to give it to him so he could give it to her since she was crying about it. He left and was mad at me.

We haven't talked since then except via texts.

Edits:

She's been wanting the iPhone for a while and since her dad couldn't buy it I decided it'd be nice if I gifted it to her.

For those who are asking how a teenager could own an iPhone. ???? I'm sorry if it's uncommon where you live but where I live, IPhones are the most common phones.

Also, I saw that she served her girlfriend a whole plate of cupcakes so it's not like she baked a specific number.

From the comments:

cschmidtusa says:

NTA. And don't marry this man. He will clearly expect you to cater to his child, at the expense of your own. This is who he is, believe him and react accordingly.

AndSoItGoes24 says:

You paid for an iPhone? Yeah. This really isn't about you being an asshole, IMO. Its not an overreaction when you don't feel like being disrespected and unappreciated. She left a four-year-old out on purpose? Play stupid games kiddo, win stupid prizes. NTA.

veni_vidi_dixi says:

NTA but wake up. Why are you the one paying for the expensive gift??? The iPhone should be a parent or grandparent gift, not from you.

Leaving was your only option at that point. It takes a special kind of ugly to want to exclude a 4-year old little kid from a birthday celebration. If stepdaughter can verbalize that she intentionally did not make a cupcake for your daughter, she’s old enough to understand why you left.