Woman tells husband to not bring rude daughters around her sons, he calls her 'childish.'
Blending families is hard enough when you all get along, but it's near impossible if you don't like your partner's kids and they don't like you. Sadly, this is more common than anyone would like - and navigating this dynamic can be incredibly hard on a relationship.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her husband not to bring his daughters home when she's in the house. She wrote:
"AITA for telling my husband to not bring his daughters home or I’ll leave with my kids every time they’re over?"
My husband has two (19 and 16) daughters from his previous relationship. He only sees them once or twice a week on his days off. It's because of his work schedule that he can’t see them often. When they come over they usually stay for a short time, eat dinner or lunch, and talk with their dad. Sometimes they go out for a couple of hours.
The problem is that they have no respect for me, my kids, and 16F constantly steals from our home. I don’t mind if they just didn’t want a relationship with me. But they constantly disrespect me, and insult me when I enter the room. They have insulted me for not working (I have a job but just recently had a baby), and make ‘jokes’ how I’m using their dad for money (I make more money him).
I have two sons from a previous relationship (7M, and 9M) Which they insult because they think my sons are too dumb to understand what they are saying. Yet they understand clearly and are hurt by it. I have talked to my husband about this, and he says it's all just jokes, and that he acted like that to his siblings. I have talked to them about it and they told their mom who argued with my husband about it.
16F also steals, she’ll say she’s going to the bathroom and then enter the bedroom and take some cash. I have caught her doing this multiple times. My husband will make her give it back then give her money from his own wallet. When I try to talk to her about it she tells her mom, who again argued with my husband. We have gotten locks for our rooms but she has just stolen other stuff instead.
My kids avoid going to the kitchen or living room when the girls are over, and I’m tired of being worried that something is missing. I told my husband that he could spend time with the girls outside the house, and if he brought them over I’d just take the kids and leave until they’re gone. My husband called me childish, and my mom said it's unfair to make him do that for me. AITA?
People kept it real in the comment section.
LogSlow2418 wrote:
NTA for trying to protect your house and kids. If you’re going to leave the house, I’d install cameras (I wouldn’t tell them that). But I would let them all know that you’d be filing a police report if anything else comes up missing. But you and your husband need therapy ASAP. Because this cannot continue. Why is he okay with his kid STEALING? It’s not a joke if everyone isn’t laughing.
Why is he okay with dismissing your feelings and that of innocent little kids? The age gap between those teenagers and your elementary schoolers is too big for “jokes.” And you’ve already told him both you and your kids aren’t ok with the “jokes.” It doesn’t matter what he used to do with his siblings.
Unless there’s some missing context here, like you’re the affair partner…but even so. Ultimately you have a husband problem.
Dry_Sandwich_860 wrote:
Don't ever talk directly to your stepdaughters. It's your husband's job to deal with any problems that involve his blood relatives and your job to handle problems involving yours. This is because the stepdaughters care more about maintaining a good relationship with their father than with you. Also, he knows them best.This is fundamentally a problem with your husband.
He is not willing to address it. The kids are what they are. You can't control them or change them. You can expect your husband to protect you from them. I would usually say that it's inappropriate to ever bar one spouse's kids from the house, but these kids are stealing things and openly disrespecting you. The 19-year-old is an adult so your husband is not responsible for her.
In this situation, I would talk to your husband and ask him to meet them outside the house until he can figure out how you and your belongings can be safe and treated respectfully in your own home. If he still doesn't get it, I'd show him these comments. I would not have married someone in this situation to begin with, to be frank. It rarely works out when someone's family members are disrespectful.
TopAd7154 wrote:
NTA. Keep your kids away from that toxicity. Rethink the husband...he isn't on your side here.
MamaPagan wrote:
NTA. Your husband is condoning bad behavior that will cause him and them bad things when they get even older...i.e. jail time, fights, possibly worse. He's failing at being a father and husband, it's not joking and he needs to not give her money after she tries to steal...he needs to be sat down and talked to.
Maybe have your kids write letters about how they feel and what's happening so he gets a better sense of what's happening. Either he steps up and grows a spine, or you find yourself somewhere else to stay (or if the house is in both your names, you could shoulder him and stay in a separate room.)
BluePopple wrote:
YTA- You have a marriage problem, not a stepdaughter problem. Your husband is allowing his daughters to disrespect you, your kids, and your home and laughing it off as a joke. It’s time to stand up to them and demand respect, quit being their doormat and letting them terrorize you and your kids. If insulting children and stealing is laughable to him, then he’s got serious problems.
I wouldn’t leave the house for a second. It’s your home, don’t let those delinquents drive you out. Set your boys up with fun activities and snacks in their rooms and watch those girls like a hawk. If you remove yourself, you’re sending the message that they win and you’ll retreat when they push.
It's clear that OP may need to reconsider her relationship, given the stakes of this dynamic.