Woman tells DAD to cover 'DEPRAVED' tattoo at child's party; Dad fights back. AITA?
When this woman feels upset with her father's gross tattoo, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my father to cover up his weird tattoo at my step-son's birthday party?"
He's not technically my step-son because his dad and I aren't married, but my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and his bio mom isn't in his life. To make a long story short, my father freaked out and completely cut me off when I started transitioning in my teens.
I was very upset at him for a long time, but I've always wanted a relationship with him. When he reached out to me, I was especially happy to hear him apologize about specific things he said to me, so I want to clarify, I really want to make this work. It's part of why I invited him to his birthday.
My father has a tattoo on his arm of a bo@nd and gag&ed woman. I'm not a prude, but he wore a muscle shirt to the birthday party and it was fully visible.
I've never seen him wear a muscle shirt since we reconnected, I didn't think that he'd show it at all. My boyfriend and I had the same reaction to it. We both agreed it was totally inappropriate for a party for a seven-year-old!
He brought a jean jacket, so I asked him if he could just keep it on. He said it was too hot for him to wear it inside, and he told me it's just artistic nu&ity.
To me, it's not just a naked figure, which is fine, but it's se&ual because she's bound and ga&ged. He said there's no se& act taking place and no visible private parts (just bare b&^$ts), and basically said "he'll live."
Then he made this joke saying maybe I would've turned out differently if he had this tattoo when I was growing up. It was definitely a joke, and I actually don't mind jokes about how non-masculine I am or how I'm not attracted to women because they're both true and I can take a good joke at my expense.
What annoyed me is that I was trying to express how I felt and he went into comedian mode. I realized I wasn't getting anywhere with him, so I told my boyfriend that, and my boyfriend approached him.
This really bothered my father, and he said that if I wouldn't stick up for him, he'd leave. I told him that all he has to do is put on a jacket and it doesn't have to be a big deal. He left.
My father hasn't responded to any of my attempts to talk with him since. I've been really second-guessing how I approached this. I really don't have a problem with artistic nu$ity. If it was the Birth of Venus tattooed to him, I wouldn't care, it's the se&al part.
My mom agreed that it was completely inappropriate, but I asked one of my friends who's into BD-S_M, and she said that the tattoo isn't necessarily se&ul and my "over-the-top" response is prejudice against people who practice BDS_M.
She said that my boyfriend and I were definitely influenced by subconscious bias as a pretty vanilla couple, and she said she agreed with what my dad said the tattoo being basically not offensive.
What makes me feel the most like an AH is that I want him in my life. I've been telling him that. And now he's pulled away even more, and my actions are what led to that. It's really been weighing on me, and I'd appreciate any responses. Thank you. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
snippetswisdom writes:
NTA. Being a stepparent means you are responsible, or at least partially responsible for the upbringing of the child. You tried to protect them from something you thought was inappropriate and you can't be judged an asshole for that.
That said, the smart thing to do in that situation would be just to let it go. Pointing it out and making a big deal over it is more likely to draw attention to it, rather than conceal it.
If you had have just let it go, there wouldn't have been a "mini drama" at the party, your Dad could have stayed and had a good time, you wouldn't be stressing and worrying if you're an asshole and the kids would have had a fun time at their party and probably not even have noticed the tatoo at all.
Sometimes doing the right thing can cause more problems than doing nothing at all.
fitpermit writes:
NTA. Even if some people argue that the tattoo is 'not se%ual', the way your father disrespected you is enough reason to not stick up for him. I really get wanting a relationship with a difficult parent.
And Im not saying you shouldn't, but for your own protection and that of your family, please think about what it would be like to have these situations more often. Because I think we both know this was not a one time thing.
bettyhascommunity writes:
NTA. Good grief, I'm in the kin& community. While she's not wrong that you probably have some subconscious bias about kink meaning only se& - your friends ARE wrong in saying it would be appropriate for a child.
In the community, a lot of thought goes into not scaring the normies. We want people to view kink/leather how we see it, not through the lens of deviance.
That being said, we usually are a bunch of deviants. But for me, a kids bday party isn't where I'd pick that battle.