Woman wants paternity test from her own father; suspicious that he's lying. AITA?
When this daughter is suspicious of her father's paternity, she asks Reddit:
"WIBTA for doing a paternity test behind my family's back?"
Throwaway account because I don't want anyone to see this on my main. I (26F) have reason to suspect that my dad(48M) isn't my biological father. I look nothing like my 3 siblings and during an argument with my mom a few years ago, I overheard him mention that he didnt believe I was his.
Later on during an argument between the two of us he also said that he didn't even think I was his kid. He immediately back peddled and said he was just angry and didn't mean it, but it haunts me.
It's been 2 years and it just lingers in the back of my mind. I mentioned doing a paternity test but he said no he wouldn't agree to it because I was his and he didn't want to. He refused to talk about it after that.
I mentioned taking a paternity to my sister(24F) and she was adamant that it was a bad idea. She said it would only start arguments and that our mother would have never cheated on him. She is the spitting image of my dad, as is our younger brother and the youngest sibling we have looks like a combination of my mom and dad.
I told her I wouldn't do it, however I still planned to. I was trying to figure out how I was going to get a sample from either a sibling or my dad, but my fiance (26M) told me that I would be a huge asshole for saying I wouldn't and then doing it anyways. I argued that none of them understood what it felt like and neither did he.
It blew up and he insists that all I'm doing is being dramatic and trying to hurt everyone. We went to bed angry last night, and now I'm worried that I am going to cause unnecessary drama, especially if it comes back he is my bio dad and they find out I did the test.
So would I be the asshole for not telling any of them? I know they're never going to agree to it, so I feel like it's my only option.
I realized I never mentioned how I planned to get a sample. My youngest brother is very very close to me, and I haven't asked but I believe if I do he'd be willing to give me a sample to see if we are full siblings. I was discussing that with my fiance when he said I'd be a huge asshole for going behind everyone else's back. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
bonusmom0 writes:
NTA. The arsehole here is a Dad that keeps claiming you are not his, so he must have reasons for saying it. He planted the seed multiple times that you have heard. How many times has he questioned it, that you didn't hear?
You can start by simply doing a DNA test on yourself, and see what the results are. The ethnicity ancestry may not align with what you have been told of your family's heritage.
See who it connects you to - others who have done it that results may show familial connection. You may find "relatives" you already know or people you've never met and no idea how you are linked.
Basically, getting at it thru the "back-door" without asking your sibs or parents to do the test too. After you see and understand the results of your test, choose where to go from there.
thatwhichlurks writes:
NTA if you get it done for your own peace of mind, but don't lie about it. Be honest that even though it has been a while it is still really really bothering you and you need to know.
I did a 23&me test last year to figure out if the man who raised me is really my dad. No one with his last name or his mother's maiden name came up in the list of possible relatives.
It was a little disappointing, but at least I know for sure. It doesn't make him not my dad. He is still the man who was there for me my whole life and who showed up every time I needed him. I still love him with my whole heart. For medical reasons, though, I HAD to know for sure.
commercial7738 writes:
NTA. But instead of paternity, why not do one of the ancestry tests? You keep your word that you won’t do a paternity test. You can even mention it to your sibling to see if he wants to do with you. they even have ones that can show you medical information so you can say you want it for that.
It’s not as accurate as a paternity test but it might show you enough to have an answer. And it has the option that you can add it to the database and they’ll contact you with any familial matches.