Woman wants uproot bio daughter and send her to school with step siblings. AITA?
When this woman isn't sure how to handle stepparenting, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for trying to get my daughter to switch schools?'
My ex and I share custody of our 12 year old daughter, Kelly. She was 3 when we split. We have a court order that we have to share the cost of her education (through her graduating high school) and we have a 2 yes, 1 no policy. We did this as we always intended for her to attend private schools, which is quite the investment.
Plus, she’s both of our kid. Kelly’s been a private school that focuses in STEM. It’s K-12, so she’s been there since kindergarten. She loves it. The only issue has been it’s a bit of a drive (45 minutes) and they don’t have busses.
We’ve tried to find carpool situations but the only person from the school in our area moved a few years ago. No relatives nearby to help. We tried hiring someone to drive her but they weren’t reliable. Still, it’s been worth the sacrifice.
Important note, Kelly lives with me during the week and sees her dad on the weekends. I am the one who brings her to and from school.
Last year, I remarried. My husband brought 2 children into the relationship. They’re 16 & 17. Both attend a private school in town. Similar issue with no bussing, we also don’t have their own cars as we can’t afford that. My husband is a widower, so he’s their only parent.
He starts work at 6 am, so it’s up to me to get the kids to school every day. It has been a bit of a mess trying to get everyone there on time. My step-children’s private school doesn’t have before or after school programs and starts after Kelly’s. It’s a tight squeeze to get her there, then get back to their school.
After much discussion, my husband and I decided it’d be for the best for Kelly to start at her step-siblings’ school. We talked to my ex about it and he was very hesitant but said if Kelly wanted it, he’d be on board.
Kelly doesn’t want to. This school doesn’t have a STEM program. She doesn’t want to leave her friends. She asked why her step-siblings don’t have to move to her school and I said it’s because it’s more than my husband can afford. I’d chip in, but I can’t afford to pay 2.5 tuitions (the half being what I pay for hers). Plus, they aren’t into STEM or science, which is what the school heavily focuses on.
Kelly is refusing to go. I’ve tried talking to her, bribing her, etc. She isn’t budging. Therefore, neither is her dad. It’s frustrating and I’ve voiced that. I even tried the compromise that it’d just be until her step-siblings graduated (2 years!!) and she said, then I can easily put up with this for 2 years.
Now she’s been at her dad’s and says she’s not coming home until I drop the matter. I said I want to talk about it more but she refuses. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
gliterringowls writes:
YTA. You have a child who actually LIKES going to school, and you pull her out because of your stepchildren. Ask your husband to drive his own kids before work, instead of neglecting your own.
callmesillysally writes:
YTA. Kelly is in a STEM focused private school yet you made a decision with her step-father to relocate her to a different school because it’s more convenient for him and his children. Both you and him are total AH. I’m glad that her father is on her side.
Kelly is 12. She should he a priority over everyone else in that family yet you’re putting everyone else before her. Why didn’t you relocate to be closer to her school? You’ve had 7 years to figure that out.
IMO Kelly should be with her dad on weekdays and you can get her on weekends since you’re willing to jeopardize her STEM education.
hauntedstew writes:
YTA. Also this isn't what's best for her, this is what is best for you so it's not a great look like you're doing this for her. You're not, you're doing this to make things easier for yourself. At this point I'd drop it, she clearly doesn't want to switch and you're not going to get her Dad on board as a result. Take this as a loss and figure out another solution.