Woman asks if she's wrong to not help BF buy gift for party she's not invited to. AITA?
"AITA for being upset about my BF asking me to help with a gift for a reception I am not invited to?"
I (F27) live with my boyfriend in an apartment. Last week he told me excitedly that he was invited to our neighbours (M80) birthday reception. I understood I was not invited. This was confirmed as he forwarded me the invitation that he had received from our neighbour. I don’t know why he sent me this.
I thought it was weird but I didn’t express it. Then my boyfriend asked me to think about what he should gift him. This question annoyed me. Since I am not invited to the reception, I don’t want the mental duty of thinking of a proper gift. I ignored the question.
My boyfriend has lived in the apartment for 2 years and I moved in this february. He is way more extroverted than I am and chats with the neighbours a few times a week. I speak to them sometimes, but not a lot.
Last night he asked me again to think about what he should gift them. I told him I didn’t want to help him with a gift for a reception that he, our neighbours and several other people in the building will be attending, while I am left alone at home. I was annoyed and upset.
My boyfriend argued that it makes sense since I don’t seek a relation with them. He pointed out that the neighbours have invited us over for a glass of wine several times (by mail to my bf), which I have never attended.
Although I admit I have never been eager to join them, I have never delined these invitations. My boyfriend has declined on my behalf, without asking me if I’d like to come first. He has gone without me a few times before I moved in and one time while I have been living here, while I was out with friends.
My boyfriend does not understand where I am coming from. He does not understand that I think it’s weird that our neighbours only invited him, since I don’t talk much to them and his request with the gift was just if I had something at the top of mind, which makes it a fair request, according to him. He thinks I am being overly sensitive.
So, AITA for being upset about not being invited to the reception and my boyfriends request for help with the gift? I am genuinely curious to know if it is just me who find this situation odd. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
owls&cardinals writes:
NTA but I don't think your neighbors are either. It seems like your BF is the problem. He has actively prevented you from being included in prior social interactions, which effectively set a precedent that your neighbors probably could not decode, so their recent invite to only him is fairly reasonable in my eyes.
WHY is your BF declining invitations on your behalf without asking you? And why would he later use that as reasoning against you? Does he want to somehow keep these neighborhood friendships as his alone?
Or do you think this is well-intended on his behalf, where he is making an assumption you don't have interest in participating? If the latter, that still is pretty presumptuous and controlling on his part.
northcantaloupe writes:
ESH. Your boyfriend turned down opportunities to meet your neighbours onj your behalf without talking to you. Your Boyfriend has painted the image of you that you do not want to socialise with them or get to know them so they did not invite you. Hence bf is TA.
You openly admit you are not eagre to get to know the neighbours or socialise with them then you get upset they do not invite you to socialise, hence your TA.
The only non AH here is potentialy the neighbour who was clearly making an effort to socialise with you and get to know you multiple times in the past which you have rejected.
Its not odd your bf asked your opinion on something its actually probably good he did. Though he should accept you saying "nope no idea" and should realise that your not friendly with the neighbour like he is in part because you do not socialise with the neighbour because bf rejects for you, and your not eagre to socialise with the neighbour.
If your not eagre to socialise with your neighbours and seldom do but your bf does do not be suprised they invite him and not you though.
randonmame320 writes:
NTA. It's understandable you are upset of not being invited. I might have misunderstood but it sounds like low-key your bf is trying to not involve you by declining the invitation on your behalf.
Maybe the neighbors now didn't invite you because they came to understand (mistakenly) you don't want to attend these events. I agree with you that it's a mental burden/task to think about a gift. Asking once is okay. But he asked twice. Sounds low-key like he is outsourcing emotional labor.