Working woman 'humiliates' housewife on double date with husband. AITA? MAJOR UPDATE.
When this woman is annoyed with a passive aggressive housewife on a double date, she asks Reddit:
"AITAH for saying that if I (23F) was a housewife, I wouldn’t have anything to do?"
This happened last night, and I’ve been feeling a little bad about it ever since. Background: My husband (23M) and I (23F) have been together for about 4 years, married for about 6 months now.
We both work full-time, and aren’t planning on having kids until we’re 30 or so (kids are expensive)! We live in a small, one-bedroom apartment.
We met another couple, “James” (26M) and “Leah” (28F) a few months ago at a church event. James and Leah are both quite conservative, while my husband and I are not (this is relevant).
James and Leah recently told us that they wanted to get to know us better, and invited us over for dinner last night. They live in a small, one-bedroom apartment similar to ours. They also don’t have any children.
When my husband and I went over last night, we started talking about James’s busy work schedule, and his recent switch from hybrid to fully remote working.
I asked Leah if she also worked remotely, and she then told me that she was a homemaker - she didn’t have a job, but was in charge of keeping their apartment clean, and keeping herself and James fed.
I told Leah that that was great, and then started to move on - but she stopped me, and asked me how I was able to keep our apartment clean while still working full time.
I told her that since our apartment was small, there wasn’t too much to clean in the first place - so it wasn’t really a problem. Leah laughed, and said “Yeah, I used to think that too. But now that I ACTUALLY clean my apartment, I realize just how filthy it used to be!”
I chuckled with her, and again tried to change the subject - but Leah then said “So, you probably don’t actually keep it clean! Your husband probably isn’t eating well enough either, since you don’t have time to prepare all his meals. Now that I don’t live that way, I couldn’t imagine going back - it’s just so depressing!”
I was a little irritated that she was harping on this, and said “Well, my husband actually does a lot of our cooking himself. I can usually deep-clean our whole apartment in about 2 hours - there’s just not that much space. So, if I didn’t work, I have no idea what I’d do all day!”
This was apparently the wrong thing to say, as Leah got noticeably huffy and told me that actually, cleaning and making meals kept her very busy every day, and that it was a full-time job.
We left shortly afterwards, and it was an awkward goodbye. My husband doesn’t think I did anything wrong, but I also know that we’re biased. So AITAH for diminishing Leah’s role?
Before we give you OP's final update, let's take a look at the top responses:
imposisbletity writes:
You both could be right. She might be the type of person who deep cleans everyday and cooks 3 elaborate meals everyday.
Like cooking dinner for 4 hours and they don't eat left overs or meal prep. You and your partner share household duties so less time is needed.
She should be concerned because if how she does her home keeping is keeping her so busy then she will not have time for childcare and the extra chores that come with having kids in case they plan to have any.
prizebumblebee writes:
NTA. She was rude and you actually weren’t at all. She made it into a competition and was just salty that she lost.
fuzzyscene writes:
NTA - I never understood the obsession in America for women to be housewives. I am a female, have a husband and a son and been working for 30 yrs. My family is well fed and my house is clean.
I raised my son, and didnt miss any of the things parents do, including sport practices and tournaments. Working for me means getting in touch with the rest of the world. Setting a good role model for my son.
And makes me an equal partner with my husband. And is good for my sanity!! so, being a housewife is just a personal decision. Whatever works for each one.
extensioncamel writes:
NTA. You weren't diminishing her or her role at all, she was diminishing YOU. I understand where you are coming from, as someone who did stay home with 3 little ones until they were school age.
There is only so much laundry, cleaning and playing with the kids one can do before you want to scratch your eyeballs out. What did I do? I began a dog rescue and ended up with 10 foster dogs on top of my 3 kids LMAO.
greenyscenery writes:
NTA you tried to move on from that subject, she kept going back to it and seemed like she was purposely trying to make you feel bad for not wanting to stay at home.
I’ve been a stay at home wife and a stay at home mother. and I can tell you that when I didn’t have kids, I had much more time to myself even after cleaning our apartment and cooking and doing anything else that needed to be done.
as a mom of two kids that free time has gotten much much smaller and I would say yes it is a full-time job. But I would still never try to shame anyone into being a stay at home parent.
Then, OP provides this update about what the housewife MADE for dinner:
Yeah, I’m not sure. Her husband said he wasn’t totally on board with it because they wouldn’t be able to afford it, but then he was able to get a promotion at his job so that they could make it work. So I don’t think they’re broke, but probably not rolling in it either.
Right? I’m also not trying to be judgmental either, but she made us rice with cut up hot dogs and veggies in it for dinner, on paper plates. Nice of her to cook for us, and it tasted great, but there’s no way that took more than an hour to make, if that.
Lol. Her implying that I couldn’t possibly keep my place clean was wild haha. Like really you don't work just so you can cut up a hot dog? PATHETIC.
ive6 writes:
NTA she was pushing it, mind your own business lady. You tried to laugh it off and move along.
My wife is stay at home and she does WAY more work than if she just got a job and I tell her that all the time. She says she likes it though and being home for the kids. If we didn't have kids no way she would be staying home but it all started when we had our first one.
She does 75% of the cooking usually I do the rest and she does all the grocery shopping, meal planning, cleaning, laundry (except for mine, I do my own). Shes also doing all the kids stuff. She works non stop and the house is never fully cleaned with kids around.
My point is it's a very demanding job that never ends (no clocking out at 5) but a small apt with no kids sounds insane and I agree with you.