Young man feels like he's the reason his father and wife can't adopt or foster. AITA?
When this young man feels responsible for his dad's disappointment, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for potentially being the reason my father and his wife can't adopt or foster?"
So my father and his wife are unable to have children together. He has me (16m) from his marriage to my mom which ended because he cheated on her with his now wife.
The affair was found out when I was 7 and my mom left him straight after. I split time with both of them unfortunately, which meant I was around my father and his wife a lot and she tried to be a second mom to me which I think was bad after she knowingly slept with a married man (she was dating his best friend at the time too).
My mom died when I was 12. Then I had to live with my father and his wife and had no escape from them. They tried to make me forgive them/let go of what happened and they did a bunch of therapy with me. But I always told him I would stop speaking to him as soon as I turn 18.
They found out 3 years ago that they could not have kids together and almost 2 years ago started the process to adopt a baby from foster care. During the process I was interviewed.
This was in February of this year. I was asked questions about my relationship with "my parents" which I corrected and told them she was not my parent and he was only because of blood.
Then asked how I would feel about a sibling and I told them I would have nothing to do with one and was planning to move and never speak to my father again once I turn 18. The social worker looked kinda alarmed by that. She asked me about my father's family and I said they disowned him after he cheated and so did all of his friends.
Soon after the interviews were done they were rejected and told they could not provide a suitable environment for a child. My father's wife fell apart. I heard her say mom must have been cursing her from beyond the grave.
She's really religious and does believe people can send good or bad luck from beyond the grave. She's still not over the news and a few weeks ago my father was telling me I should take pity on her and at least be friendly to her. I asked why I'd do that and he said her dream of motherhood is over.
I told him I didn't care. He asked me if I had something to do with that. I shrugged. He then went off on me saying it was cruel to punish them this long. He said they could have provided a child with so much love and it was wrong to say things that got in the way of that. She sobbed for a week when he told her. AITA?
Let' see what readers thought.
judgingaoles writes:
NTA - You were asked questions and you answered them honestly. As long as there were no lies then you did nothing wrong. It amazes me the amount of people that breakup a home, move in / marry an affair partner, and then are all *shocked pikachu face* that their kids aren't happy about it and resent the parent for it. Also sorry about your mother.
sebamake writes:
NTA you were honest. You did the right thing because there is a lot of people that should not be foster parents. The goal of fostering is reunification not finding a shiny new “toy” to adopt like they seem to think. These are children that have gone through something horrible and need support.
thisisburner writes:
NTA. I don’t care if there’s a cultural difference or not, you don’t just give away something that belongs to someone else, with or without asking. That’s just a respect thing. Do you know how quickly my wife would have my head if I did that?