House-party guest kicked out after host hears he 'bullied' a friend in high school. AITA?
No one likes being the 'bad guy' but sometimes tough decisions must be made and someone has to get their hands dirty. But how do we know if a situation calls for that kind of response?
A house-warming party got a little uncomfortable when the host decided to kick out one of their guests when they found out the guest used to bully another guest when they were in high school. Now, their partner is calling them an a-hole. So they took to Reddit to ask:
'AITA (am I the a-hole) for firmly telling a party guest to leave my home?'
u/IDidItAndIdDoItAgain writes:
My partner and I had home warming party recently and invited some friends over. We're pretty open to anyone when it comes to friends and we would expect the ones we know to bring people of good character, etc.
Anyway, one of our friends, who I have to say I'm a little disappointed in, brought a guy we'd never met. He seemed pretty nice and was polite enough. I was kinda busy being a good host, which I pride myself on (which is why I didn't even like doing what I had to do), when a close trusted friend came up and told me that he knew that person and they had ruthlessly bullied them in high school.
Now we're all nearly 40 in age as a friend group, so it was many years ago, but it was clear that my friend was very uncomfortable and wasn't able to enjoy himself. And he didn't ask me to ask that person to leave. I chose to and also, didn't ask my partner, which might be where I was the most AH (a-hole).
But I did go up to him and asked if I could talk to him and the person who brought them privately, they agreed. I pretty much said that one of my guests was uncomfortable with your presence and I want them to be here, and I don't know you, so I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Obviously they were unhappy, especially the person we knew, but I had to stand firm and I was apologetic, but made it clear this wasn't really a request. They did leave, and my partner was pretty upset since the person was more their friend.
And I'm being told I'm an a-hole, but I'm also not gonna reveal why as I don't wanna put my friend who was bullied on blast, so I'm just asking people to trust me that it was for the best. Yes, I told my partner after everyone left.
That could've ended badly but at least they were discreet. Were they within their rights to kick this person out of their homedd?
Reddit users shared their thoughts:
Special-Blueberry699 writes:
NTA (not the a-hole). I think that if what happened 40 years ago was bad enough for your friend to still be uncomfortable around them, then you made the right decision. You also handled it very politely and didn’t cause a huge scene in front of other people.
But Tacos-and-zonkeys says:
YTA (you're the a-hole), and this doesn't even seem close to being real. You are supposedly in your forties and have an active social life. Folks in this age range can navigate their own lives, even when someone, who was an asshole 25 or thirty years before, attends the same party.
I know for many people mentioning the word bully, in any context, elicits an automatic nta and cries of trauma... but come on, man... high school was decades ago. People need to learn to cope with the real world, even when it is unpleasant.
And jrm1102 says:
NTA (not the a-hole) - mostly because you handled this discreetly. Personally, I would have maybe found out a little more etc. as its possible asking them to leave would possible have made it more uncomfortable for your friend who was bullied by calling attention to it. But I don’t think it makes you an a-hole.
Sounds like everyone needs more information than OP was willing to share. But with the little they had to go on, Reddit was split.
Not sure OP got what they were looking for. Maybe on the next party they can make it a closed guest list.