Woman with known butterfly phobia pranked by BF who says she's 'lying' and 'being dramatic.' CONCLUDED
"AITA for storming out of a party because of butterflies"
Firm-Dragonfly876
I (25f) am extremely scared of butterflies to the point that I have panic attacks. I have lepidopterophobia aka fear of butterflies and moths. It is so severe that even real pictures and videos of butterflies scare me. I don't know why I have this irrational fear but I do have it. My boyfriend, Elliot (26m) knows about this.
That is why we avoid places like gardens, butterfly farm, flower gardens and the like. Even when he buys me flowers I always make sure to keep the doors locked so that butterflies do not come near me. He also knows I got made fun of by my siblings because of my phobia. No one understands the fear I have of butterflies and moths.
Anyway, a week ago, I was invited to a party with my boyfriend. It was held in his friend's house. I don't really know his friends that well but we are really friendly. So, one of the guys from his group called me over and handed a box to me. I was confused because it is not my birthday or any anniversary.
He gave me the box and told me this is a small gift on behalf of him and his friend for officially being a part of their group. I should have known something was up because everyone was smirking. I opened it and it was a bunch of butterflies flying straight towards me.
I swear, I was screaming and panicking because those b*tches with wings were flying around me. I remember one of them got inside my mouth as I was screaming and panicking.
I was in a fetal position because of how scared and panicked I was, some of his friends helped grab the butterflies and took the box away from me. Everyone was laughing, especially the guy who gave me the present. I felt like such a fool.
My boyfriend told me cheer up, it was just a joke. I said nothing, I took my keys and drove back home. I took a shower and god knows how many times I used mouth wash. My boyfriend has been telling me I am being dramatic, nothing happened and I should just suck it up about this stupid fear of butterflies.
He thinks that I am lying because I never panic whenever I see something shaped like a butterfly. I am tired of explaining it to him that I am scared of real, live butterflies, not things shaped like a butterfly. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
zeppelic
NTA. They're all bullies, including your bf. If I were you I'd end the relationship and have nothing more to do with any of them.
MaleficTekX
NTA. They know you’re scared of them and used that to humiliate you. They did it with a full box of butterflies, not even just one butterfly. They wanted it to be as scary as possible. Let’s Do the same to them with (non-venomous) spiders. See how they like it.
The OP responded here:
Firm-Dragonfly876
I had conversations about this with my boyfriend. He was very callous. He told me spiders look scary but butterflies don't. So obviously it is impossible. Butterflies are not poisonous like spiders and some species of spiders are poisonous.
Aylauria
Your boyfriend stood around while his friends abused and tortured you. Time for a new boyfriend. NTA.
Pineapple_Wagon
NTA. You need to dump your boyfriend. He knew about this prank and knows about your fear of butterflies. He clearly co-signed this prank, but didn’t want to fully look like the bad guy so he had hai friend do it instead of himself. All the fact that he witnessed it and seeing you on the floor in the fetal position, he still didn’t say at any point we went to far and I’m sorry. Dump him OP. You deserve better.
Ten days later the OP returned with an update.
"Update-AITA for storming out of a party because of butterflies"
Firm-Dragonfly876
Ok, I am in the mood for an update because things have shifted. I know some of you suggested breakup. But my dumb brain thought why breakup because of a prank. So, I sat down to talk to him about it. I told him I am willing to let this go if his friend apologizes. He flipped out and said his friend doesn't need to apologize at all.
Besides, he thinks my phobia is just a lie. He pointed out that I wear a butterfly pendant and I am not afraid of it. He doesn't understand, that's not how my phobia works. I am afraid of real, live butterflies, not fake ones made from gold or silver. My pendant is butterfly shaped but it is far from what a butterfly is. It was all useless.
In the end we broke up. It just wasn't worth it if he doesn't understand my fears. Fine, I get it, I might be difficult to deal with because of my phobia. Thank god we didn't live together. But we had each other's keys. I gave his back and asked for mine. He gave it back. Or so I thought.
Two days after our break up, I came home from work and opened a cabinet. And motherf*cking hell there were butterflies. The one I am most afraid of are the dark ones. There were moths too. It was really scary for me.
I had to call an exterminator and practically begging them to remove the butterfly infestation because they don't deal with it everyday so some of them refused. In the end, I was able to remove most of them.
Some got out 2-3 days later. I am afraid some laid eggs and will form into a butterfly. I can't press charges because it is not considered harmful. And since I have given up my access to my housekey, I cannot press charges for breaking and entering. Nothing was stolen but this was a sick prank. I did change my locks. But, I am looking for other places.
Also people who suggested therapy, I have been in and out of therapy for 10 years. My phobia was so severe that I avoided watching the movie Mariposa when I was a kid because the wings of the character looked like butterflies. It is slightly better now. I am sure by the age of 45 I will be able to touch a butterfly without having panic attacks.
Also thank god I am not the only person who has this unusual phobia. I half expected people to mock me but you guys have been so supportive. Love you. <3
Here were the top rated updated from readers after this latest update:
blindfoldedtweezers
Your ex is demonic. For getting rid of the butterflies, I tried to google it but didn't find much, but I did find a few things about getting rid of moths. The most straightforward tip I found was using vinegar anywhere you think there might be eggs.
There's also the lamp-and-dish-soap method, where you put a bowl of dish soap and water under a single light in a dark room, which can attract moths and kill them. You can also use certain scents like cedar or herbs to repel them, although I don't think it kills them.
I also recall my exterminator using "insect growth regulators" when I had a roach problem, and they will disrupt the life cycle of the roach so that eggs can't hatch and grow, but I don't know if they work on butterflies.
Old_Prior_5081
This is when OOP should get a note from her therapist like "this set OP back 5 years on her therapy plans", and sue the boyfriend for the cost of years of therapy.
nustedbut
What an awful phobia to have. Nearly as awful as having that POS for a boyfriend.
TheKittenPatrol
I’m just imagining someone doing this to me with cicadas, and gah. Every part of this is terrible, especially being belittled by someone she thought she could trust and who understood. Breakup was absolutely the correct call.
elizabethjanet
Omg…your ex is ..is…psychotic. Glad you changed your locks but make sure any neighbours know he doesn’t live there anymore and is not to have access to your building. He’s crazy and if he does another “prank” like this, call the cops because that’s probably harassment.