New mother judged by sister-in-law for adding 'fatty' food to her meal. AITA?
Let her eat cake.
One woman was grateful for the help from friends and loved ones, bringing over essentials like food and supplies after she gave birth. But, she received some serious sass when she was caught adding more substantial food to a meal that her sister-in-law brought over.
"AITA for not eating what was made for me as it was served?"
I gave birth two months ago, and everyone says I should be eating less because I'm not eating for two anymore, but I'm actually hungrier now than I was before.
My SiL said she was also really hungry after giving birth, but says it's your body tricking you and you have to ignore it. She said to be careful, because I'm much shorter than she is and will gain weight faster. She offered to bring me some food to help out.
Yesterday she brought over lunch for everyone, and it was a salad. I was pretty hungry, because I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I added boiled eggs from the fridge and some cheese.
My SiL said I turned her low-fat meal into a fatty one and defeated the point of her bringing food over for me. She pointed out that my husband, who is taller and more muscular than me, didn't add anything to his lunch. I said I was hungry, so I had to add things. She was upset and left.
My husband thinks I should have just eaten the salad as it was and eaten a snack afterwards so as not to hurt her feelings. Maybe he's right, and I was ungrateful. But when I'm hungry I want to eat what I want.
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NTA. If you’re breastfeeding, that takes a tremendous amount of calories. That is why you’re hungry. I’m bordering on need more info, but if it’s just like she’s casually bringing you food to help you out, then NTA.
Edit: yikes, I didn’t think this would be that hot of a take. Just an explanation as this has been catapulted to the top:
-I mainly wanted to say this as I don’t think people who haven’t had any children realize how much energy it takes to breastfeed, especially after the mother’s body essentially goes through a completely life altering change. If OP wasn’t sure why she was more hungry and if that is normal, that is why, and it’s normal.
-I only was thinking about asking for info if, I don’t know, maybe OP asked for a very specific meal or something, and then she altered it for in front of her. Still wouldn’t be the AH as no one should dictate what anyone else eats, so really I should’ve just left that out. Thanks all.
Well, breastfeeding is about 350-400 (or 450-500, depending on source) extra cals a day. Not tremendous. But it sounds like the extra calories that OP is adding to the salad are healthy (eggs and cheese). SIL sounds overly involved and I probably wouldn't accept any more food from her if she can't keep her mouth shut about what I wanted to eat.
Depends on how much the baby is eating. Breastfeeding hunger is insane and restricting calories can cause a person to stop producing milk. People who are breastfeeding are not candidates for calorie restriction. I was told this by a dietitian.
Please get some space from her - she came over for breakfast and lunch??? Why does this woman think its okay to berate a new mother? You are so NTA, but I am getting increasingly annoyed with your husband for not protecting you from her.
The OP responded:
She comes over a lot to help us with cleaning and laundry, because it's hard to keep up with everything with the baby. So I'm really grateful to her. It's part of why I feel bad for not doing the one thing she's asking me to do.
NTA, but your SIL is ignorant of post partum nutritional needs. You need more calories if you are breast feeding than you need during pregnancy. This is intuitively obvious because you’re still providing 100% of the infant’s calories and the infant is now bigger than she was during pregnancy.
The mechanism of feeding is different, but the need for calories is the same. You can google the increased calories needed, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Sounds like SIL just has an unfortunate combination of confident ignorance and a possible eating disorder.
Edit: even if you’re not breast feeding (which is fine!), you’re still NTA. She needs to mind her own business.