Pregnant woman forces husband to move with her to his parent's house, 'I need support.'

Pregnancy is a vulnerable time, and even the most loving partners can't fully understand what it feels like to have a baby develop inside your body.

This is why in many families and cultures at large it's customary for a pregnant woman to live with her mother, or older women who've given birth and can provide another level of knowledgeable support. However, the emotional logistics around this can get complicated, even when it's for the best.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a pregnant woman asked if she's wrong for 'forcing' her husband to move in with his parents during her final trimester.

She wrote:

AITA for forcing my husband to move in with his parents?

We recently moved in with my in-laws because I’m 31 weeks pregnant with our first child and I feel like I need my mother-in-law for support since I’ve been pretty terrified the entire third trimester and my parents don’t live nearby. My husband didn’t want to move in with them and the only reason he did is because I told him I'd go without him and he could stay in our home alone until after the baby is born.

His parents are great and they’re very close so that’s not why he didn’t want to temporarily move in with them. We’ve fought about it a lot before we moved and we’re still arguing about it now because he thinks it wasn’t necessary and I’m stressing over nothing which maybe I am but that doesn’t magically make the stress disappear.

He’s said multiple times that I forced him to move here but he could’ve stayed at our house like I said. I can’t expect my mother-in-law to visit every day and I feel better being in a house with other people around. My husband does sometimes WFH but he’s usually holed up in his office so it’s like he’s not here anyway so this is better for me.

My in-laws are more than happy to have us here but my husband is still sulking and gives me an annoyed look whenever his parents say something about his habits that he doesn’t like. AITA?

People jumped on with their two cents.

swishystrawberry wrote:

I'm going to go light YTA, for a few reasons:

It's very valid that you would want family support in a time like this, but I wouldn't be surprised if this move has hurt your husband in the sense that he's been made to feel like he's not good enough support for you. Like, the vibe is 'your mother is the one who makes me feel secure in my pregnancy, not you and our shared home.'

When moving through these kinds of big life milestones, people usually like to feel as though they're moving forward, not backward, and for most adult folks, moving back in with their parents (who usually have a set of house rules and continue to infantilize their children even when they're grown) make them feel like they're moving backward.

Your husband might feel like he's being treated like a kid, even though he's about to become a father.

This might be the biggest one....unless a relationship is over or abusive, both sides of a couple need to agree unanimously about these kinds of things. You essentially didn't give him a choice in this, and told him 'I'm removing myself and your unborn child from our current state of life, you can either buck up and join us or be sh*t out of luck'. That's not particularly kind or fair as a partner.

All this to say, I know that pregnancy is a tough time that's strife with worries and emotions. But that said, your partner is still entitled to fairness and empathy. It's his life too.

Lyssariea wrote:

YTA…did you take into consideration there may be a reason your husband doesn’t want to live with HIS mother?

Also, it’s unhealthy to drop “do this or I’m leaving” in a marriage.

CrystalQueen3000 wrote:

I know this sub is normally pretty gentle on pregnant folk (and I get it) but yeah, YTA.

You basically gave him an ultimatum and if he didn’t do what you wanted you were going anyway. That’s not a healthy approach to a marriage.

LikeSnowOnTheBeach wrote:

YTA. Why are you having kiddos with someone when you’re not emotionally prepared to have said kiddos with that said someone? I’d talk to a therapist about anxiety, as it can (and might) only get worse from here! Your doc needs to be informed that you literally moved into your in-law’s house because you’re too scared to be alone for labor or when baby comes. Good luck!

CranberryFun3264 wrote:

YTA. I am not sure how old you are but if you are so immature that you cannot handle having a baby with your husband and need to live with your in-laws did you are not ready to have a child. What are you so terrified about? And why do you not think your husband can give you the support you need.

What happens when the baby comes? Are you going to be too terrified to raise it, and will continue to live with your in-laws?

Grow up and go back home, your husband is right. You need to learn how to handle your pregnancy like an adult and if you need help you can reach how to his parents BUT you don’t need to live there. This pregnancy is not ALL about you and the disrespect you are showing your husband is amazing.

Innerouterself2 wrote:

Okay- I have kids and am not a woman so...take this with a grain of salt then I guess. YTA - like a really big one.

Right before one of the BIGGEST moments in your relationship, you decided to go and live with in-laws. Meaning he now has to go and live with his parents. RIGHT before having a new baby. This is your time to settle into parenthood together. To prep the baby stuff, talk about the baby, get some rest, and have some 1:1 time. I get it that you feel alone at home.

And I think you are feeling some fear (it appears from your short post to be more irrational extra fear than normal pregnant lady fear). With one of our kids- my wife had some complications. Doc pretty much told us the kiddo could die at any time so don't travel, don't go further than 20 minutes from a hospital, and come in every week. That was very very stressful.

So we dealt with it by getting more rest, spending time together, getting the house ready, staying in. Not going to live with other people! Yeah, you are pregnant and can pretty much dictate what you want. That is totally understandable. BUT you are not considering your husband in this who is going to be the coparent, father, etc. Are you planning to live at your in-laws after the baby?

I would be livid if it was my wife. As we are supposed to be in this together. Good luck. I hope the baby is super healthy and the birth is quite easy. I know it's stressful and there are a million things that can happen.

Many women alienate their husbands around the birth of a child (and many husbands/dads just stink too). Remember this is about creating a family which means dealing with stuff together. including your fears.

While needing and wanting a little extra support during pregnancy is usually valid, this seems to be an extreme case, and OP is TA for not listening to her husband's needs.