Man tells GF not to do nightly dinner 'joke' while parents visit, she gets mad, leaves.

Being in a long-term relationship means letting little annoying things slide, especially if it's a harmless behavior that makes them happy.

Sometimes, this dynamic feels worse and more tense in front of other loved ones. The small behavior that feels a teensy annoying is now extra annoying, as you witness other people react to your partner's irritating quirk.

Sadly, there's no way to communicate this feeling that isn't potentially hurtful.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for telling his girlfriend to not do her nightly 'dinner and a joke' routine when his parents visit.

He wrote:

AITA (28M) for asking my girlfriend (27M) not to do her nightly “dinner and a joke” bit when my parents visit?

So, I (28M) have been with my girlfriend (27F) for about 13 months now. We just moved into an apartment together. We live on the west coast US and my parents are on the east coast. They’re coming to stay with us for the weekend in about 3 weeks here. We are getting the place settled and tidy and prepping for them to come. This will be their first meeting.

My girlfriend does this thing every night where when she serves dinner, she tells some sort of little pun or knock knock joke, and then says “Dinner and a joke!” And then we eat. She does it for every meal she makes, even the meals I make she will say “ok, do your dinner and a joke!”

I guess it’s something her late Dad did and she really enjoys it. To be quite frank, I’m a little tired of it, but I know it makes her happy and it’s important to her so I smile and play along, and I never say anything about it getting old. I asked her the other night if we could pause “dinner and a joke” when my parents visit.

My mom isn’t particularly humorous (PhD chemist and medical doctor) and my dad also takes himself extremely seriously (surgeon), very very very serious people. Not that all medical doctors are overly serious, but my parents are. Very critical people in general. I don’t think they’re going to enjoy it, I think it will annoy them.

I asked her to stop just for the weekend and we can go back to it. She got extremely upset and said that I was being a total @$$hole and stayed with her mom for an entire two days about the whole thing. AITA here?

People weighed in the comments weighed in with their pressing thoughts.

icheah wrote:

I disagree with the consensus. NTA. I don't think you're T A for wanting your parents to like your girlfriend. I also disagree with everyone saying Y T A because you're 'asking her to change' Some people don't know what it's like to grow up with strict parents. If they don't like something, then that thing never, EVER gets to happen again.

The disapproval from serious and strict parents is crushing, and it cuts deep, even as an adult. It's a form of protection, to adapt something or someone you love to them, so they approve of the person you love and don't have to feel like you've disappointed them every time they're around.

Also, it's not an AH move to ask someone to not do something in a situation like this. However, if she says no, then you have to accept it and move on. And who knows, your parents might actually like it. My own super strict mother has surprised me with a dick joke on more than one occasion.

97yardlongbean wrote:

Gonna go with NTA here, since your request was based on your parents personalities. I think in these situations everyone wants their parents not to be 'annoyed' by their SO. I can see this coming from a place of care and wanting to spare your girlfriend the awkwardness of dealing with your parents reaction.

CivilAsAnOrang wrote:

Gentle YTA. If your parents are so uptight that a mild joke before dinner is going to “annoy” them, then the problem is your miserable, unpleasant parents, not your GF. You’d have been much better off being vulnerable.

For example, “GF. My parents are miserable and humorless people. Meeting them stresses me out so much. I’m so worried this dinner is going to be even worse if you even tell your mild joke. Can you hold off for me?”

crockofpot wrote:

Look, your parents don't sound like winners here, but I also think the request to pause the jokes for a weekend is something a reasonable partner would try to accommodate. Not everything needs to be a hill to die on. Unless you've left something out of the story, storming out of the house for 2 days is a wild overreaction. I'm going with NTA.

The_Razielim wrote:

Bro I get it. My father has mellowed over the years...combination of getting older, he got really sick the last few years, and I moved out so we're not always together or at each other's throats. He's actually fun now. But growing up he was an absolute f@%king pain in the @$$.

Dude has 2 PhDs, and has been in a management-level position for most of the last 25 years. Very standard Indian/Caribbean 'I'm the head of the household and everyone needs to do what I say because I'm the head of the household.' I've spent most of my life reminding him 'I'm not one of your employees you can order around.'

Even now, after my own PhD (just the one) and several years as a professional scientist, he still gets pretty condescending about shit and I sometimes have to remind him that I know what the f@$k I'm doing, and most of his advice is irrelevant since he hasn't stepped foot in a research lab in 40 years.

It also helps that I get to pull the UNO Reverse of 'well at least my PhD is in a bench science,' kills him (he's proud of me, but also knowing him it drives him up the damn wall). Point being: f#$k 'em. Your parents' collective sticks up their own @$$es are their own f#$%ing problem.

You've already identified that they'll never accept your partner no matter how hard you try. The question is are you going to accept your partner, or be a good little boy and do as Mommy and Daddy dictate? (Yes that's meant to be as condescending and emasculating as it sounds, because at the end of the day, that's the core question. Good luck finding your answer.)

While people can't seem to agree on the full diagnosis, it does seem clear that the real AHs here are OP's parents.