Man upset that GF packs her lunch before they've eaten his freshly cooked dinner. AITA?

The smallest things can turn into pet peeves when you're with someone a long time. Which is why getting outside perspectives can be massively helpful when you're maintaining a relationship.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for getting upset when his partner packs her lunch before they've eaten dinner. He wrote:

"AITA for getting upset when my partner packs her lunch for the next day before we’ve even had a chance to eat our dinner?"

Normally, I’m the one who cooks because I enjoy it and I’m the better cook. When my partner gets home from work, the meal is usually ready or close to ready. She sets the table (it’s just us, no kids) and usually, she will wash her lunch box and immediately pack her lunch for tomorrow straight from the stove. This is done before we’ve even had a chance to sit down and eat the meal I’ve cooked.

I don’t know why exactly but this behavior really annoys me. She says it’s because she’s tired after eating and doesn’t want to do it then, but I’ve pointed out that she can pack her lunch after she has washed the dinner plates and while I am putting the leftovers into Tupperware containers. This has also happened once or twice when we’ve had guests for dinner.

To me, making her lunch plate before anyone else has a chance to eat the food feels like self-serving behavior. She’s literally serving herself first. Maybe it’s petty, but it bothers me and when I mentioned it to her, she got defensive and said that I was creating a fake problem.

While it’s not a big issue, it is an action that makes me feel not good and she has the ability to change her behavior but refuses to. AITA and this is not a thing, or should she wait until after we eat to pack her lunch?

The internet didn't hold back.

Frustrated_Froggie wrote:

YTA - Because you get upset without a reason.

Your wife likes your lunch enough to be sure she'll like them without even tasting them first. That's a compliment of awesome proportions.

To make sure that everyone can eat their heart out, her lunch portion is already put aside so there's no fuss about that either. She could pack a lunch at a million different times, but she chooses this one. And you can't even say what's bothering you about it. BUT There's something a bit alarming and I hope I'm wrong:

"To me, making her lunch plate before anyone else has a chance to eat the food feels like self-serving behavior. She’s literally serving herself first."

Combined with:

"It's just us, no kids."

Are you that insulted that she serves herself before you? (you're the only other).

suffragette_citizen wrote:

YTA -- from your other comments, there is enough food to go around. You say that she's "serving herself" but it's usually just the two of you. Is there a concrete reason this upsets you, aside from her not following your preferences? If the meal was prepped with the intention of saving some for leftovers, packaging it before serving is the much better way of doing it.

It's easier to cut/portion neatly, you don't take too much OR not leave enough because you know exactly how much food there is, and it starts cooling much more quickly for safe refrigeration. You need to examine why you're assigning so much intent to a seemingly innocuous disagreement; if it's just an "agree to disagree" petty annoyance you need to drop it.

pacazpac wrote:

She’s serving herself and packaging her “leftovers” for lunch before either of you have actually eaten the meal you worked to prepare. It’s even tackier if she does it when you have guests overlimiting the quantity that is actually served to your guests.

But also - I wonder if there’s also a connection component to your conflict here. She’s viewing it as being practical. I get that. I wonder if this also feels hurtful for you because maybe you feel like she’s prioritizing getting her next day’s lunch ready over sitting down and connecting with you over the dinner you made for her first. I know for me personally, this would make me feel upset and like a personal chef.

Even if y'all disagree here, you told her it was hurtful and she’s being dismissive of your feelings. That’s AH behavior in and of itself. NTA.

Mindless-Locksmith76 wrote:

Ok, so food insecurity isn't the issue, and it's only the two of you. She comes home, still in work mode, wants the work of the day done so she can relax. And this bothers you. The only thing I see you taking umbrage to is her serving herself...when there's only two of you...so she can mark her work day over.

And you are choosing to go down this path? You honestly have chosen this to be upset over? Really? Think about this one, long and hard, and if you are still annoyed, you didn't think enough. YTA.

browneyedredhead1968 wrote:

NTA. I'm going to go against the grain here. I would be miffed too. After all that hard work of cooking and she doesn't even dish it up for dinner but instead starts packing it away for lunch? Nah, I'd be like, hey let's eat before we pack anything. I'm with you op.

Clearly, the internet is divided - but most of them are leaning toward OP being TA.