24 yo man accused of 'hiding' 160K in savings from fiancé. AITA?
When this man feels like his fiance invaded his privacy, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for “hiding” my saving from my fiancé?"
I recently got engaged to my fiancé after 2 years of dating, and told her we should probably start looking at houses. She told me that we didn’t have the money for a deposit on a mortgage, but I personally have a lot of money in savings. It’s a little bit more than $160,000.
My girlfriend was initially just shocked because it is a lot of money for a 24 year old to have saved (I’ve been extremely lucky in life). After a couple of days she began to be annoyed at me. She felt like I was hiding this from her.
I told her that I didn’t hide it from her, I was just raised to not talk about personal finances with anyone other than someone you’re married to, and I figured engaged is close enough that I’m happy to talk about it.
I also said that I had actually used these saving to help her before (I’ve paid her rent a few times when she couldn’t and paid a couple thousand dollars for her dog to get surgery). She was still quite angry and has been giving me the silent treatment for the past day.
My parents don’t see the problem (duh), her parents understand my perspective but think I should have told her when we moved in together last year. None of our friends know because I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with them.
I’ve already asked her if we can talk about it when she’s ready and she just said she’d let me know when she was. I don’t think this is relationship ending, but I know she probably wants me to admit I was wrong. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. So I’m asking you guys more so out of curiosity for what others think. AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
supporthink writes:
Nta...and for the love of god, do not marry her without a prenuptial agreement. Don't say you haven't been warned.
pineboxwait writes:
NTA Why, exactly, is she upset? You need to ask her this and listen closely to her response. She may think that because you have a comfortable savings, you should have been paying more of the rent or bills. This isn’t true. You pay your way with your earnings, not your savings.
Knowing about your savings should not change any part of her life at all. So, why is she mad? What difference does it make? If anything, this is a happy surprise. Had you been drowning in secret debt, she would have reason to be annoyed. As it is, though? What’s her problem?
propersense1488 writes:
If i had to make a guess, she is stressing out about finances (# he had to pay rent/surgery) i give her the benefit of the doubt that she is just mad about all the stress about her future she has been under that was kinda unneeded. things like: how are we gonna move together, will we be able to stem the mortgage, will we be a float when we get kids. thats why i am going with NAH.