'AITA for breaking up with my BF bc he got me a desktop computer for xmas?' UPDATE

AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend over a Christmas gift?

I'm a 21-year-old woman studying Graphic Design. For a long time, I've dreamed of having a good laptop for university. My ex knew this, yet for Christmas, he gifted me a desktop computer instead. I don't have much money, but I had given him 150€ to help buy the laptop, expecting him to cover the rest.

When I received the computer, I broke down in tears.

I ended things with him because I feel he never takes me or my wishes seriously. Like I wanted a laptop, and he got me a desktop. Or when I wanted to try sushi for over a year, he always refused, only to find he liked it when we finally went.

The worst part is how he'd ignore me every night in bed, glued to his phone, dismissing my desire for attention or cuddling by saying he had a long day.

Our sex life also reflects this. It's always quick, without foreplay, and devoid of any intimacy or cuddling afterwards. I come to him for affection, but he doesn't reciprocate. If I don't start, he does not come to me.

I've communicated my feelings so many times, only for him to brush them off, saying, "Everything's fine. We love each other, it doesn't have to be perfect." I seriously believed that my feelings and wants are only a burden to him.

There were even once a time where I cried after sex because he immediately went back to his phone. I told him I felt unimportant, to which he casually responded that I was important and that during sex, I had all his attention.

I don't know if this is gaslighting or not, but I felt insecure about myself. Maybe I want too much, I don't know.

Back to Christmas, when I received the computer, it was the last straw. We had often discussed how I needed a laptop for university. I was even willing to buy it myself and getting a credit for it, but he insisted I wait until Christmas as he wanted to gift 'something very cool' to me.

When he gave me something entirely different, it reinforced my feeling of being undervalued. So, I cried first. Then I was silent for 5 minutes or so. He asked several times 'What is it? Is something wrong?'

I then told him to leave my apartment. He's called several times since, but I texted him that it's over between us. I don't want to explain. I can't. I feel like I would give him another chance to tell me something like 'Oh, no, you misunderstood everything, blabla'.

After the breakup, I confided in my sister about everything. Instead of support, she made me feel guilty, saying things like, "How can you break up with someone over a gift?" and "You're really ungrateful." Her words have left me doubting myself.

AITA for breaking up with him over this?

cthulularoo

Remember that time when Homer got Marge a bowling ball? And Marge didn't even bowl? I'll bet you he got you the desktop because it's better for gaming. NTA.

bethechance

Break up. Return the desktop

Get a new laptop. Get a new bf. Well, you can't get a new sister though

Shestammie

Obviously NTA but it’s a shame you didn’t make him explain how you were supposed to take a desktop computer to university.

I love when people are forced to reconcile with their own idiocy.

WalkoffTriple

JFC. Here is the list of reasons you need for breaking up with your boyfriend:

Wanting to.

THAT'S THE ENTIRE LIST. Tell your sister to shut up.

Traveling-Techie

Let me guess — it was perfect as a gaming system. NTA

The_White_Ferret

You didn’t break up with him over a gift. You broke up with him because he was dismissive of you and your needs as an equal partner in the relationship. NTA

Chaingun_samurai

It's not about the gift. It's about feelings of being dismissed and not valued. The computer is just one more symptom of the disease. Your sister is bonehead that's completely missing the point, here. Return the computer and get yourself a laptop. And move on. NTA.

LaVidaMocha_NZ

I hope you kept that PC, especially as you contributed to the cost.

Sell it and buy yourself that laptop. NTA

Not long after, OP returned with an update.

UPDATE: thank you all for your supportive DMs and comments! I am really relieved to read that I am not exaggerating or wrong for feeling that way. I will reply once I am at home. Thank you!

UPDATE 2: Wow, you all really blew my mind. I didn't tell about his gaming addiction: He plays a lot of mobile games (when he's ignoring me) and he has a lot of friends who play online games with desktop computers - but he can't because he has a really old laptop (not even desktop computer).

I think there's truth to the idea that he might have bought that computer more for himself than for me. I just looked it up: the computer he gave me is equipped with a top-tier graphics card and an unusually large amount of storage space – features that seem more aligned with his gaming needs than my graphic design requirements.

The more I think about it, the more it seems like he made a choice based on his preferences, not mine.

This realization adds another layer to my doubts. It's not just about him ignoring my specific request for a laptop; it's also about the possibility that he used this opportunity under the guise of a gift to get something he wanted.

The fact that he's an avid gamer makes this scenario all the more plausible and troubling.

Now that I've come to this realization, I'm genuinely angry. The thought that he might have manipulated the situation for his own benefit, under the pretense of giving me a gift, is infuriating.

And yes, you're right about my sister. Her reaction was really awful. I'm going to avoid her for a while. I think my somewhat trusting and naive nature has often led me to be taken advantage of, leaving me feeling uncertain and second-guessing myself.

It's a pattern I need to be more aware of and learn to break. Thank you all again for your support!