'AITA for threatening to not attend my sister's wedding? She's marrying her cheating ex.'
"AITA for threatening to not attend my sister's wedding?"
Street_Reward_6712
I (29F) have a sister called Ella (27F). Growing up I was put in the position of being a parent to Ella despite how close we are in age. Our dad died while we were young which to be honest wasn't much of an impact because he wasn't a present or involved dad and I don't think he really wanted us.
Then when Ella was 6 and I was 8 she was diagnosed with diabetes and ended up in the hospital after falling extremely sick, which is how they diagnosed her. Mom fell apart and basically checked out after the diagnosis.
She went to the hospital every day and was there but she never took anything in, made no effort to make sure she was able to help Ella deal with her diagnosis, wasn't there for me.
Once Ella came home I had to take over and make sure we had something to eat and I had to push mom to bring money into the house someway because she lost her job after Ella's diagnosis when she basically ghosted her boss and refused to speak to them.
It was a tough life and Ella really clung to me. Lines were blurred because I wanted to be her sister but she needed and wanted a parent and after a while I was more of a mom in her eyes than a sister. Our relationship never returned to one of sisters. For Ella she couldn't see me as anything other than her parent.
Ella is now engaged to Jackson (30M). Jackson is my ex. We were together from the ages of 19 to 23. Jackson cheated on me and stole from me. He slept with a girl who was awful to me at work and tried to excuse it as they got drunk (though I found out it happened at least 5 times).
He also bought her stuff with my money. Literally took it from my house to buy this chick stuff. I was furious. I even called the police on him when I learned what he had done.
Ella started dating him 18 months ago. I wasn't happy when she told me. No part of me thought it was a good idea. She told me she knew he was an awful jerk when I knew him but he had changed and blah blah blah.
I told her it was her life but she had to understand if they ended up being a serious thing it wouldn't mean I would be close to him. She told me that we (my husband and I, husband was Jackson's best friend when I was dating him and it's how we met) should at least be civil and give things a chance.
The problem now is she told me to buy Jackson a gift as a symbol of me accepting him into our little family. She has been at this for 3 months now and won't let up. She accused me initially of being bitter because I wouldn't.
But then she called me selfish last week when I said I wouldn't buy him shit. She told me I have always been selfish and it set me off because after everything I did for her, she called me selfish and I threatened to skip her wedding.
She got so upset and ran to extended family (family who did nothing for us when we were kids) who all told me I was awful for making that threat. Ella even said I was cruel to even consider not showing. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Trick_Brain
I would never ever go to that wedding - wtf. I mean, this wasn’t some normal breakup older teenage stuff, betraying multiple times AND stealing? NTA.
SteveImNot
Cut them off. You’re sister will come crawling back in 6 months when they divorce.
Ritocas3
How about he gives you a gift - the money he stole from you!!! NTA (hard pill to swallow).
Bitter_Animator2514
Wish her the the best life she deserves and keep moving forward with your husband having the life she clearly envy’s. NTA.
Puddin370
NTA. Ella and everyone that sides with her are the AHs. Dating your sister's ex is bad enough. Dating and marrying your sister's ex that cheated and stole from her is worse. Back away from that disaster.
Scary-Cycle1508
NTA. You could have told her that he already got a gift, when he stole form you.
And tell those relatives to pound sand, they're welcome to step up for once, and buy him gifts if that makes them feel better, but their opinion matters nothing to you so you can not be shamed into buying him any gifts.
Froggie949
NTA, but Ella and Jackson are HUGE ones. Ella is delusional. Why should you buy Jackson a gift to “show you accept him”? How about Jackson gives you an actually sincere apology for everything he put you through.
AND return all the money he stole from you? And they BOTH should buy you a nice gift to show how sorry they are for how they have taken you and your kindness for granted.
shgrdrbr
I'm so sorry your sister betrayed and continues betraying you to such a degree after everything you have sacrificed for her. She was a child once but hasnt been one for a long time and YOU WERE TOO.
Youve given her more care and grace at 26 than you were given from the age of 8, maybe even earlier. She cant now tantrum and throw selfish in your face. NTA. I'm really sorry, hopefully in time and with experience she'll learn what she needs to, you have given her more than her share of your life, let her process the value of that.
Mysterious-Role-6732
Nta. Honestly I would take a big step back from the relationship with your sister. She seems to take for granted that you sacrificed your childhood for her and continues to expect you to play martyr for her wishes.
The fact that she started seeing a man that both cheated and stole from you tells me that she has absolutely no respect or true love for you. If one of my siblings did that I wouldn't even speak to them again, much less go to their wedding.
And ignore the rest of your family. It's funny how they turn up now to brow beat you into doing whatever your spoiled sister wants but they were nowhere to be seen when you had to raise her as a child yourself. You deserve far better than of these people you call 'family'.