BF refuses to drive perpetually late GF to work after her speeding gets her license revoked.
"AITA for not 'saving' my gf's drivers license and refusing to drive her to and from work?"
GFLicenseThrowaway
My (28m) GF (26f) is always late. Always. No matter if it's 5 mins up the road or catching a plane. Before we get into it, no she isn't on the autism spectrum, she doesn't have ADHD or time blindness. She just DAWDLES. ALL. THE TIME. She snoozes her alarm at least three times every morning, then lays there going through her social media.
Eventually, she gets up and takes a long a** shower, dresses (Which takes her forever, and she usually sits wrapped in a towel on her phone), then lingers over her coffee. 9 times out of 10 she's running late for work, and ends up speeding to make it on time.
Naturally, she's gotten a number of speeding tickets. I've tried to help her - putting her phone where she can't reach it from bed so she has to get up to snooze it and stuff like that. But she literally just grabs it and goes back to bed.
You try to get her to move her a** and she just digs in her heels and takes even longer. Her response to people calling out her lateness is "better late than dead on time."
Anyway, again, she was running even later than normal for work and really had to speed to make it. A week goes by and sure enough, she got a massive speeding fine in the mail. She now has to hand in her driver's license because she's got so many demerit points. She'll be without one for 6 months.
Instead of just dealing with it, she TELLS me "I'll need you to cop this one and say you were driving so I don't lose my license" and of course, I refused, telling her she needs to live with the consequences of her actions and maybe she should stop speeding, and wake up earlier.
This argument went on for a few days until she finally conceded, then proceeds to tell me, "well, you'll have to drive me to and from work until I get my license back." I told her I won't be doing that. Her work is literally in another direction from out home than my work and doing so would add another two hours of driving to my commute per day.
She says it shouldn't matter as my work has flexible hours, but I stood my ground and refused. I told her she can take public transport - there's literally a bus stop a 2 minute walk from our house and the bus stops maybe a 5 minute walk from her work, and it's quite regular.
She says she hates public transportation and refuses to ride it. So, I said it will have to be Uber for her, or she could organise a car pool. But bottom line is, it's not my responsibility. She called me an AH and is giving me the silent treatment.
She said a decent boyfriend would go to those lengths for her and that it will only be for 6 months. So, am I AH for not "saving her license" and refusing to drive her to and from work for 6 months?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
YourLaundryBasket
NTA, but why are you even with this girl? Not only is she refusing to improve herself, but she has also attempted to drag you onto her mess (that has legal consequences). She's even blaming you for refusing to take responsability of her OWN problem that she seems actively avoiding to work on.
tallestgoat
Drop her. She actively refuses to be time, but demands you take her to work, and probably everywhere else, making you late for everything you do. She won't change and will resent you for apparently being the only person who told her no or held her accountable.
She expects you take the blame for her mistake, but consequences for her will get bigger and harder and she will try to get somebody else to cover them forever.
plastic_venus
NTA. She doesn’t give a sh*t about other peoples time, she doesn’t give a sh*t about the safety of others on the road, she doesn’t give a sh*t about your driving record if you cop the points. I could go on. She clearly doesn’t care about anyone but herself so why are you with her?
bythebrook88
"Her response to people calling out her lateness is 'better late than dead on time.'"
...and then
"really had to speed to (work)"
Tell her to take her own advice. Bonus for all the other people on the road who aren't in danger from her awful driving while her licence is suspended.
The OP provided a small update in the comments the next day.
GFLicenseThrowaway
Wow! I wasn't expecting such a response and I definitely wasn't expecting everyone to be on my side. She told me all her friends think I'm TA, which is a big part of why I came here in the first place. After seeing the responses here, I messaged a few of them... and the ones she actually DID contact said NTA.
As for why I'm still with her... I'm starting to question that myself... I've not been really happy with her the last few months and this is starting to make me question the entire relationship.
Here were the top rated comments after this update:
FaithlessnessFlat514
Very much NTA but from how you described her, I'm not surprised your gf didn't take it well. This is the sort of thing that can be bridge burning. I think it says a lot about the state of the relationship that it seems like it was an easy decision for you. Maybe your subconscious was just a few steps ahead.
janlep
Why would you be happy with someone who’s lazy, entitled, and selfish? Do yourself a favor and dump her.
SpookyReadingGirl
You deserve an actual partner in life. It doesn’t sound like she is capable of being that.
SportsFanVic
She was always the AH from the start about this, but to double down and lie about what her friends actually said shows how little she respects you, and how incapable she apparently is in taking any responsibility for her actions. That can't possibly be what you would want in a partner, right?
Two days later, the OP again responded in the comments.
GFLicenseThrowaway
So today I asked her she looked at the train / bus timetables and she hit me with (paraphrasing) "OMG you seriously aren't going to help me, you really expect me to catch public transport blah blah blah". Reflecting on this and past behaviour, and her attitude towards the whole thing, I'm going to break up with her. Thank you everyone for your help.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after all of the info was shared:
YourLaundryBasket
NTA, but why are you even with this girl? Not only is she refusing to improve herself, but she has also attempted to drag you onto her mess (that has legal consequences). She's even blaming you for refusing to take responsability of her OWN problem that she seems actively avoiding to work on.
ferozliciosa
How is she even making any money at all with all those speeding tickets adding up? Do they not have fines attached in Aus or are the fines just not that bad?? Yeesh.
FadedQuill
Nothing says “I don’t value your time” more than turning up late to everything. I don’t believe an early person and a habitually late person can thrive as a couple; it causes too much stress and dissension in a relationship.
jchieng
Living with each other is job interview for marriage. Imagine being married to someone so self-centered. OP is dodging a bullet.