'My brother in law is the reason why my husband left me. I don’t know what to do now.' PART 1
"My brother in law is the reason why my husband left me. I don’t know what to do now."
Expensive_Opinion952
I f38 met my brother in law m38 at uni. He asked me out in our first year and I refused. He called me the c word and that I am shallow. My best friend told me that it was harmless comments from a drunken guy who got rejected. I never thought myself shallow, it was his demeanor and awkwardness that was off putting to me.
Anyway he proved my friend right and other than these comments I have never felt uncomfortable during my uni years because he never bothered me again. Not even looked my way.
Next time I met him was when my baby sister f28 introduced him as her bf. I didn’t even recognize him at first because it was like 9-10 years since that day he talked to me. He was visibly annoyed that I didn’t recognize him and called me a liar.
The family was skeptical at first about him but he seemed to treat my sister right and she seemed happy (he is very rich), taking her all over the world and he seemed kind with us too.
They got married after a year of dating. They have 3 children. I met my now ex m40 five years ago and the only odd comment from my brother in law was that I was still as shallow and superficial as I was in uni.
At the time, I took it as a joke but in hindsight, when I found out the truth and started thinking back looking for red flags, this was probably a big one. He never showed any signs that he disliked my husband and he was alway decent enough and his indifference to have a close friendship with my husband and I didn’t seem odd because he was always a recluse.
A year ago, my husband came home and accused me of cheating and he had evidence. The guy contacted him and he had racy photos etc of me on his phone. The guy told my husband that he didn’t know at first that I was married but as soon as he found out he contacted my now ex.
He even apologized to my husband. I have never met this guy in my life. Nothing I said or did made my husband believe me. He left me and our divorce is pending. Then yesterday that guy contacted me. He apologized for what he did and told me that he is friends with my brother in law. He sent me conversations, endless conversations my brother in law had about me for years.
He has never forgotten that I, in his words, “didn’t even give him a chance and only judged him by his looks”. He called me c in that chat. Both groups chats with his friends but mostly with this guy. They planned this attack and my brother in law somehow got access to my photos.
The reason this guy contacted me now is that he felt guilty because, even now when my marriage is over, my brother in law was still angry and hateful, especially when he heard that I was on a date last weekend. So the friend felt that he didn’t help his friend but ruined innocent people’s lives.
Not sure what to do. My brother in law has actually been happier and more sociable than usual since my divorce and now I know why. Although first I thought he felt sorry and wanted to support me. His jokes about me ending up an old maid with cats as companions don’t sound like jokes anymore. He meant them.
I don’t want to ruin my sister‘s life. She’s very happy with her husband. I’m not sure either if I can be civil with her husband. I’m not sure if I should tell my ex or not. I am very heartbroken that he didn’t believe me. Love him very much.
He is the love of my life, but I’m not sure if I can forgive him for not believing me. But he is a victim in this too, so maybe he needs to know for closure. I am so terribly sad and hurt. I’m sorry this post got very long.
The OP then provided a series of updates in the comments.
Expensive_Opinion952
Oh god I just remembered something. My sister has my passcodes. He is an IT guy but maybe it wasn’t that he hacked my accounts or something complicated.
My soon to be ex husband knows everything now, apparently the guy who contacted me contacted my husband at the same time and confessed to him. My soon to be ex is coming to town this weekend and he wants to talk.
Afterwards I will probably need to look into taking legal actions if that’s possible and tell my family. I think now that exposing him is the best and more safe approach should anything more serious happen.
At least people would be aware of who to blame. I want to at least make sure that my sister and her children are in safety before I tell them everything, like meeting them at my parents house after I tell my parents.
The pictures were real and were probably stolen from my phone or my husband’s because he is the only one that I took the pictures for. I don’t know if I can get any justice since the pictures were not of my face (at least I was smart enough not to have my face shown in the pictures). I don’t know what will happen.
I have tried so much to forget about him and I thought I have managed well, but hearing his voice today after over a year just brought back all good memories. I haven’t stopped crying today missing him.
On the BIL:
Expensive_Opinion952
He’s been following me throughout my uni years and even afterwards. He found my sister and managed to charm her. When they got married I was single and apparently he was telling his friends how he was glad I was old and single and miserable (not my experience of my single life.) Then when I met my husband he was angry because he didn’t think I would find someone at my age (33).
Now when we are getting a divorce he was very pleased again saying I would definitely never find someone at 38. That I would regret turning him down. But I was on a date last weekend so he spiraled down again and was angry and wrote horrible things about me so his friend chose to come forward because he thought that my “divorce wasn’t enough for this guy”, his words.
I do still love him very much but I don’t know if he still does. He doesn’t live here anymore and I am not sure if I can trust him again, or he me for that matter. The break up was a mess and he was in real shock because he couldn’t believe this of me.
He called me all kind of stuff; psychopath, fake, low life, disgusting and he couldn’t believe I could trick him like this and act like I had morals. Nothing I said made him believe me, it made him even madder because I was still “so convincing”. So I don’t know. There is a lot of hurt there.
Yes, I met with my husband and it didn’t go well at all. We talked and he apologized and asked me to forgive him. He said that he never truly believed that I would cheat but the evidence was overwhelming and he just thought that he believed me because he was blinded by his love for me.
He then wanted to head over to my sister and her husband to confront him but I asked him not to, until I am comfortable that my sister is at least at my parents. I wanted my parents to ask her to go visit them and we tell her then. That way she is not with her husband when she finds out and he finds out that he is exposed.
This morning I got many calls and texts from everyone because my husband went and did it anyway and he had a huge fight with my brother in law. He denied everything of course so my husband blasted him on social media and made an apology for believing rumors about me.
My sister was angry with my and my parents were confused and shocked. I have talked to my parents and told them everything now and they believe me but they agree that I should have given the chance to talk to my sister before hell broke loose.
Now she is not speaking to me because my husband tried to beat up her husband. He made it worse yes. He has always been calm and collected and good at deescalating bad situations. Never knew he would act so rash and make things worse. My BIL has filed no contact orders against my ex husband and me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the latest update from the OP:
AHC444
Why wouldn’t you tell your sister her husband is crazy?
FireflyAdvocate
And seems weirdly obsessed with OP to the point their marriage might be a weird revenge fantasy for him.
bluediamond12345
Omg - that’s entirely possible. I wonder how much OP and her sister look alike?
one_bean_hahahaha
It's likely the sister would not have believed her even if she had gotten to her first. Also, she needs a restraining order against the BIL.
cryssylee90
A JOKE?! A joke that LED TO DIVORCE?! Her husband destroyed her sister’s marriage because she rejected him and she’s calling it a JOKE? The sister and the exBIL deserve each other. The sister was probably in on it at this point. May they both rot in their destroyed reputations.
kishbish
BIL is a psycho but if I were in OP’s shoes, I’d go ahead with the divorce. I don’t think that particular relationship can be salvaged.