Bride cancels aunt's invitation to wedding after aunt 'travels world to attend.' AITA?
When this bride upsets her aunt, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for cancelling my aunt’s invitation to my wedding when she traveled the world to attend it?"
My husband and I (26F) got married three weeks ago. My husband is from South Africa but I am French. So our wedding in the Savanah in South Africa was a huge trip for the 13 French guests. We rented a beautiful lodge where you see lions, elephants, etc. And to thank everyone for coming all this way, we rented it for 2 days. Day 1 : Wedding. Day 2 : pool party.
We only invited 30 people, the people we love. I had a huge argument with my aunt (38F) 8 years ago and we cut ties ever since. But doing the invitations, I thought about how close we used to be. I decided to invite her.
There was no +1 for anyone and so I only invited my aunt. Not her partner or her kid since I barely knew their names.
My aunt said she was happy but insisted that we invite them. I told her no, but my mom teamed with her and pressured me A LOT during the year. I explained that the ceremony meant everything to us and that we only want people we love to be present.
But my aunt booked flights for her but also for her family. She said it was a family trip but added that she heard some of my guests cancelled and so that there is now space for her family. I told her that it would not be happening but that her family could join us for the pool party the next day.
After that, I got even more pressured by my mom into inviting them for the wedding itself because « they are coming all this way ». But I kept refusing and tried to finish my dress without my mom.
On the big day, after the ceremony, my husband and I left for an hour in the Savannah with the photographers to make a few photos. As soon as we came back to the lodge, my aunt came to me, smirking. She was holding her kid, her partner was behind her.
I’m not the scandal type, I didn’t know how to react. In my disbelief, I kissed the kid hello and shook hand with her partner. I immediately felt sad for not defending myself.
I then heard my mom and grandma telling my aunt about the extra chairs and food we had and that her family must stay for diner. My sister lied for me, saying we don’t have enough chairs because some are broken.
So my aunt announced that they were leaving. I asked why leaving with them, she was supposed to stay for the dinner and they are only 5 mn away. She replied that she never intended to stay for dinner but that she will spend time with us when they come back tomorrow for the pool party day. I was shocked.
I replied that I had a change of plans and that she and her family could not come for the next day anymore. My mom, usually lovely, lost it and told me that I had no right to cancel my aunt’s invitation to the pool party.
I reminded her that we paid for the whole wedding ourselves and that she has no say in who I host. And I walked away. But she yelled at my back in front of everyone. She was screaming that the conversation was not over and that I better come back. My sister had to physically bar my mom from running after me.
I still stood my ground and kept my aunt from coming back the next day. AITA ?
Let's see what readers thought.
quingood writes:
NTA. There was absolutely no reason that the child and partner could not have stayed at the hotel/lodge while aunt was at the wedding and dinner. Your aunt and her lovely sister (your mother - who didn't pay for anything associated with the wedding) were out of line. Kudos to your sister for having your back. Best wishes for a happy marriage. Hugs.
activeweird6 writes:
ESH, this is petty. France to South Africa is a trek your aunt perhaps didn’t want to make alone. It’s wild to me when people have really difficult wedding locations and don’t seem to appreciate the effort, time, and expense it takes for guests to attend.
Of course your aunt was impolite here. She asked, you said no, that should have been that. It’s an awkward situation. Everyone was inflexible and everyone sucks here.
fiabangwhiz writes:
ESH. It’s generally rude to invite only one person to a destination wedding and not the rest of their family. I’ve never known anyone who isn’t single to travel to a different continent on their own.
You should have invited her whole family from the beginning if you were going to invite her. And once you knew they were all traveling together anyway, you should have let them come to the wedding.
Yeah, it was rude of her to show up with them anyway and it was rude of your mom and grandma to tell them it was okay. But this all could have been avoided if you had either invited all of them from the beginning or none of them.
timesens writes:
YTA. You emphasized in your post how invites/attendance were only for people that were close and loved. But then decided to send an invite to Aunt that you had a falling out with….EIGHT years ago.
And “used to” be really close to. Weddings aren’t a time for “used to”. Better they reflect current relationships and stage of life. Of course this was all going to go poorly and you set the stage for the drama by sending the invite in the first place.