Bridesmaids REFUSES to meet bride's 'hairstyle' DEMANDS. AITA?
When this woman feels like she doesn't know what to do
"AITA For Refusing To Bleach My Hair For A Wedding?"
So I have a weird problem and after I told my boyfriend he told me this sub would be the perfect place to get help on.
So I (25 F) am meant to be in the bridal party of my friend Zoe’s (26 F) wedding in December 2024. A couple days ago, she met with me and the rest of the bridal party to discuss what the plan was for hair, makeup, dresses, etc. At first it seemed reasonable.
She’s going for a winter wonderland type of theme, so blue dresses (all in different shades, lined up as a gradient) with silvery accents, snowflake jewelry and soft makeup, even blue contacts for those of us without blue eyes. Last one’s a bit weird, but it’s no big deal to me, I’ve worn color contacts for Halloween.
The bit that ended up being an issue for me is that Zoe requested we all get our hair dyed. A couple members of the bridal group are natural blondes (with dyed ends), and so is Zoe (but she wants to go platinum for the wedding), but the rest of us are two brunettes, a strawberry blonde (she wasn’t “blond enough”?), and a redhead.
I’m one of the brunettes and I’m the only one in the group who has never dyed or bleached their hair. I’ve considered it, but I can never stay settled on what I want to do, and I’d hate to spend money on something that I end up hating.
On top of that, my mom spent from ages 5-13 flat ironing my hair almost every single day. It really damaged my hair. I’m almost certain it’s resulted in my hair being thinner than it used to be. I know bleaching can also damage your hair, and I don’t feel comfortable taking that risk yet.
I told Zoe I wouldn’t be able to dye my hair. She insisted it would be fine, as my hair seemed quite healthy and she would be paying for the bleaching treatments for all of us.
I again said no, thanks so much, but I can’t. I asked if I could just wear a wig and she said no, that wigs are cheap and unnatural, and she wants us to have our real hair bleached instead of some cheap imitation for the day.
After more back and forth, she told me I should go home and think about the fact that I’m ruining her vision and that I’d be ruining the photos and wedding video that she and her fiancé (30 M) will be putting together for his grandparents (84 M & 82 F) to view, since they won’t be able to fly in from Argentina. I apologized, paid for my meal, and left.
I really don’t want to dye my hair, but I also don’t want to ruin Zoe’s picture perfect day. I don’t think I’m being difficult or wrong here, but am I?
For a little clarification on how things stand and what’s expected, I’m a 6-7 on the hair color scale. The other brunette is a 5. Zoe wants the six of us to be at 9-10. She only wants herself to be platinum. She currently sits at a 10 on the scale. Also, I do not have dark eyes. My eyes are green. Two of the other girls do have light brown eyes though. AITA?
Let's see what internet users thought.
heirofravenclaw writes:
NTA. I would’ve backed out on the demand to wear contacts. Trying to force others to bleach hair for a wedding? Absurd. Just back out now, it’s not worth being part of this crazy Elsa themed wedding. She’s only going to get worse. Run.
bananapuddin8 writes:
NTA. I would not participate in this Stepford Wives production. The bride expects women who don‘t have blue eyes to wear contacts, those who don’t have blond hair to dye their hair. What if you are too dark. Will she expect to bleach your skin?
Her vision is giving off some seriously racist/Aryan nation vibes. There is no way I would agree to even wearing contacts let alone dying my hair. At this point I could never maintain a friendship with someone like this. The entitlement and lack of self awareness is just too much.
whyisitspicy9 writes:
NTA I do not understand brides who want to change their friends entire look for a wedding. I think all my friends are beautiful in their own way, and would never tell someone to change their hair color or eye color.
Like wtf half of y'all might not even be recognizable in the pictures with different eye colors and hair colors. I'd want to be able to remember my friends as they were, not all looking like Elsa from frozen.
Also as someone who is recovering from years of fashion colors and bleach since Covid, (what can I say I got bored) bleaching is always going to be damaging to your hair no matter what.
Doing it at home is a huge risk and it might not come out right. Going to the salon could run upwards of 1000s of dollars depending on where your hair is starting at. I know being in a wedding already isn't cheap in general, but asking everyone to spend a ton of money changing their hair on top of that is wild.
kronklesword writes:
NTA! That's not a reasonable ask. Not at all. "She told me I should go home and think about the fact that I’m ruining her vision" At this point, I'd just bow out of the wedding. This is only going to get worse.