'AITA for going on a trip with my GF instead of taking care of my brother's son?' UPDATED
"AITA for going on a trip with my GF instead of taking care of my brother's son?"
For context: My(24M) brother “Luke”(31M), his wife “Emma”(28F) and their son “Kyle”(4m) moved to my city last year because Emma got a new job. They would occasionally ask me to watch Kyle because I work from home with very flexible hours.
I personally do not like kids at all but I was happy to do it at the time because I wanted to help them, it was not that often(maybe once or twice every 2 weeks) and Kyle was very well behaved.
Now the issue started near the end of last year when Luke decided to change careers.(He was previously working remotely as well) His new job required him to go to work a lot more often and make substantially less money.
This left them depending on me more and more to take care of Kyle. It went from once or twice every 2 weeks to around 3 days out of the week. To make matters worse, Kyle’s behavior changed drastically. To be completely honest I can barely stand the kid anymore, constantly running around and screaming while I’m trying to work and just overall being a little s%*t.
My SIL Emma was over the other day picking up Kyle and made some comments about getting rid of some of the “dangerous” furniture in my house like tables with glass edges and stuff so that my home is safer for their son and made a joke about baby proofing my house because they're planning to have a daughter. This pissed me off but I didn’t say anything.
The situation hit a breaking point last Friday when I was talking about the 1.5 week long trip I was going on with my girlfriend on the 15th (Me and my GF like to travel somewhere nice at least once a month, we could not the past couple months because of Kyle but I promised my GF we would go somewhere exotic for valentines).
Upon hearing this they got pretty mad saying who was gonna take care of Kyle, that I need to stop these “childish trips” and that I need to take more responsibility because “I’m an uncle now”. I'm not gonna lie, after hearing this I f*cking snapped.
I said that their demon child isn’t my responsibility and I’m not just gonna give up my life because they f*^&#d without a condom. It got pretty obscene from there and some horrible things were said. They left and we are no longer on speaking terms.
My parents and Emma’s parents are on their side and EXTREMELY angry at me for “refusing to pull my weight”. My parents said that this is my duty and I should be sacrificing everything to help them.
It’s honestly got me really down and I've cried my eyes out pretty much every day since seeing those messages from my family. I’m starting to wonder if I really should be taking more responsibility. AITA for choosing my trips over my brother and nephew?
Readers had a lot to say about this one.
I'm still going with NTA for obvious reasons but almost E S H for continuously being a doormat and then snapping. You should have laughed at the audacity when they asked you to childproof your home and clearly stated that you would not provide free babysitting services anymore.
I went the opposite way, lol. He really should have raised some objections and enforced boundaries before going absolutely nuclear.
People shouldn’t bend over backwards for others and then complain behind their backs. If you always say yes, don’t be surprised when people take advantage of you. Only do favors if you won’t resent the people you’re helping.
The OP updated his post to share more:
Thank you everyone for the comments, after reading through for about an hour it kinda helped me realize how toxic my relationship is with my family.
As many of you mentioned, yes my brother is the 'golden child' of the family and thinking about it now that favoritism is the main reason i wanted to move away from them so badly in the first place.
I had a talk with my brother and my SIL where I apologized for calling their child a demon and for the condom remark. They accepted my apology but they did not apologize to me. Apparently ours and my SIL's parents were not just suggesting to them but encouraging them to use me for help the whole time.
I told them how exhausted and frustrated I was and how much this whole sh*t show has hurt me and that I would not be watching Kyle anymore period and that they need to figure something else out.
They did not take it well and my SIL started yelling again and after some arguing my SIL said that if I would not watch Kyle, the least I could do is pay for his daycare and help with some of their other expenses since I have the money to zip off to a different country every month.
I was honestly appalled. I would not have minded to help them out financially but the tone of her voice as she said it was just infuriating. The only thing they heard was that I would not continue helping them. They didn't give a sh*t about anything else I said.
I just got up and left their house without saying a word. I wanted to leave before I completely exploded again. 10 minutes after I left, my phone started buzzing with them and my parents and I just put it on Do Not Disturb.
I read a lot of comments saying I should go No Contact and I really did not want to have to do that but they are very clearly not interested in respecting me as a human being so that's it. I will not be speaking to my family until they want to genuinely apologize to me. Thanks guys :)
Reddit had this to say in response to the OP's updated story:
Sounds like the grandparents of the little 'demon' don't want to have him around and that's why they suggested you babysit him instead.
I say this as a parent, anything you do for others in terms of their children is a gift not an obligation. Don't feel bad about anything, they used you.
Holy f**^%#g sh*t. The entitlement that is REEKING off your SIL and family is absolutely mind blowing. 'The least you could do is pay for his daycare and help with other expenses' ????? It's not your child!
Honestly sounds like they're salty they can't like a similar child free life as you. The fact that the parents and in laws were also ganging up on you to 'take responsibility' is freaking nuts as well. No contact is unfortunate but your best option imo. Unless they end up giving a sincere apology, with no strings attached (i.e. future child care), I'd say good riddance!
In response to a comment OP added this:
Hey! Not much else happened really, my trip with my gf went great and I had blocked everyone so it was undisturbed. Only thing really is that my neighborhood's security told me someone was trying to get through the gate saying that they were my family. So I have a suspicion my brother and sil were trying to come to my house while i was away lol