Cheating husband complains wife is using open marriage to punish him; 'I live in agony.'

"I cheated on my wife three years ago. She agreed to forgive me if we opened the marriage but now I live in agony every day."

So basically my wife (39) found out that I (41) had been hooking up with a woman I met online who lived 2 hours away. When the woman visited we checked into a hotel.

This went on for 3 months and we had met a handful of times before my wife caught us. She was waiting in the hotel lobby and saw us coming down from the room. She left me the next day.

We separated for 8 months and they were terrible on all of us — especially the children (m9, f7 and f3). We started talking about getting back together. My wife thought that since our sex life wasn't enough for me, and that she was sure I would cheat on her again, we might as well open the marriage.

I told her no, because I've learned my lesson, but she wouldn't waver. I relented. We decided (she did) not to tell each other the when, where and with whom.

Now, over two years later, we are back to normal on the outside. On the inside, I'm dying a little each day. Every time I see her happy I wonder if this is just her old bubbly self or if she was thinking of someone else.

She is a very beautiful woman and I'm sure she has no problems finding men who want her. Whenever she takes a shower after coming home, whenever she rejects my advances, I think that she has been with someone and that kills me.

I have tried to discuss closing the marriage again, but she shuts down these attempts very quickly with the divorce card. Before all this happened, we had amazing sex several times week but now, we have probably done it 4-5 times these past 3 years.

I stopped asking because the sex is painfully bad now. I haven't slept with anybody else because the look on my wife's face in that lobby still makes me sick with guilt.

I don't know how much more I can take. I love my wife and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Will she ever stop punishing me? Have you ever forgiven a cheating spouse and stopped punishing them? What's going on in her head?

You'd think the point of sharing on this community would be to get something painful out in the open in a judgment-free zone. That is not the case here.

Dark_solder18 said:

It was over the moment you cheated. And her wanting 'open marriage ' means it's 100% over she just doesn't want the divorce legal issues.

Robojobo27 said:

'I love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with her.' Story doesn’t really check out chief.

Savethedance said:

So if you had it so good, why did you cheat? Like you had to have known losing her would be the risk you were taking? Honestly there is no coming back from this, it would almost be less toxic to divorce so the kids grow up in a household that isn't waiting to explode again.

Sorry_Researcher_591 said:

If it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.

Pristine-Chemist-813 said:

Bah hahahaha I had amazing sex several times a week and cheated on her with an online chick with 3 little kids at home? She will never stop. You have hurt her so deeply. She knows the pain you are going thru a d it is pittance to what you put her thru. Where is your side piece now? Doesn’t taste as sweet when u r allowed? Just curious!

Oof.