'AITA for flaunting my money in front of my ex-wife?'
"AITA for flaunting my money in front of my ex-wife?"
I had two weekends a month custody of my kids. Not that I didn't fight for equal custody but I lost. I made a decision to give up custody of my kids because I was bleeding money.
I was paying a lot of money on rent and coupled with child support it was not sustainable for me in the long run. I gave up the rest of physical custody. It did increase my CS by 10 percent but that was way below what I was paying for rent.
I moved to my parent's basement to save up some money. That's when the tide started turning in my favor. One of my coworkers, lets call him Richard, wanted a cheap place to rent and I convinced my parents to let him rent their basement and let me stay in my childhood bedroom aka their new gym room.
It wasn't easy and a lot to ask but I was able to show a somewhat concrete financial plan. For two years Richard, now my best friend, rented my parent's basement and I lived with my parents in my old room. To let me stay for two years was a lot of sacrifice my parents did for me.
I was able to save a lot of money by basically not spending on anything other than food. I didn't buy any clothes(not even underwear),never went on a vacation, never went anywhere that would require any kind of money.
I was not able to qualify for a mortgage because of the child support obligation, so I took my savings and my parents combined it with rent money from my coworker to put a down payment on a house.
I have lived in that house for 6 years now. I "rent" it from my parents in the sense that they take normal rent from me, and pay the mortgage and the rest goes into a fund for me. I got a roommate too, so technically I live for free.
This has helped me save a lot of money. My parents are still renting their basement as they felt lonely after Richard and I left. Richard also bought a house in my neighborhood. All in all, life was difficult but now its good. I have saved a lot of money and I am planning a comfortable retirement.
After 6 years, I finally have discretionary money to spend. So, last year, I took a week from work and traveled with my girlfriend. And I flaunted it on social media. My ex-wife suddenly started texting me that I am a deadbeat(I never missed a child support payment), and selfish as I should have taken the kids on vacation.
When I gave up the custody, I would have to beg her to let me talk to my kids. I remember the day when she asked for more money and refused to let me talk to my kids if I don't give her. That was the last day I ever contacted her or my kids. So I really didn't think she would have let me take kids on vacation.
I wrote about my journey to show that it was not easy to reach the place I am now. But I made it, through sacrifice on my part and my parent's part. I have a house and money that I earned for myself. I should be able to flaunt it and enjoy as I please. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
AffectionateTruth147
Now that you have money, are you fighting for your kids? Have you been writing letters or doing anything to show them you’ve never stopped loving them?
MikesHairyMug99
Hell no he’s not doing anything more for his kids. That’s obvious.
Mace_1981
Have you saved any money towards your kids futures? Or is that based on your ex letting you see them? And while congrats on rebuilding your life, you are suspiciously vague as to why you split with your ex? And it is Frank's money and your parents generosity that rebuilt you, not your hard work.
lumb24
NTA for going on holiday and posting on social media (as that was the question) You are, however, a MASSIVE A#OLE for abandoning your kids. You had 2 weekends per month custody, which you gave up. You also moved into your parents and barely spent any money in order to save. Why couldn’t you continue to see your kids whilst living at your parents???
Your EX is right, you are a deadbeat father. Even tho you pay your CS every month, YOU CHOSE NOT TO CONTACT YOUR KIDS FOR 6 YEARS. I really hope your ex has remarried and they call her husband ‘DAD’
YearOneTeach
NTA for taking a vacation, YTA for how you're treating your kids.
"I had two weekends a month custody of my kids. Not that I didnt fight for equal custody but I lost. I made a decision to give up custody of my kids because I was bleeding money."
This doesn't even make sense. What was the point of fighting for custody if you were just going to throw away your time anyways? If you were given every other weekend, you had secured access to your kids. It makes no sense for you to have thrown that away.
"When I gave up the custody I would have to beg her to let me talk to my kids. I remember the day when she asked for more money and refused to let me talk to my kids if I don't give her."
You're goofy for this, because you GAVE UP custody. "She won't let me talk to my kids" is like the deadbeat dad motto. If you kept custody like a decent person, she legally could not keep you from them. But you gave up custody and blamed her for your predicament.
Zealousideal-Law-513
I mean, how do we break two things apart. Are you an AH for flaunting your money on social media? No. But YTA for abandoning your kids, so….. take from that what you want.