Guy tells GF to stop saying she's always tired and 'suck it up' over Christmas.
'AITA for telling my gf I don't want the Christmas holiday to be all about her?'
I (31M) have been together with my gf (25F) for 2 years now. We both live in London UK together but I am originally from Czech Republic.
I will visit my family in my home country next Christmas. My gf also wants to come. Last night we were looking for train tickets for her (I already booked my flight tickets separately, she is afraid of flying).
While looking for dates she told me she would like to arrive a few days before the actual Christmas, so she can relax and sleep a lot after the long train ride to prepare for the busy Christmas days.
This really annoyed me. I told her I don't want this holiday to be all about her. I just want to have a good time with my family. She doesn't need to tell me how many days she needs to prepare and sleep and that she will only have energy for 3 out of 7 days. I wish she would keep me out of that.
This has been a theme for every holiday. She is often tired after a social activity and needs to have a day rest in between. I feel super limited by that. I just want to have a good time, not a gf who is always tired.
My family also thinks its weird that she sleeps long and sometimes skips an activity when we visit, to do something on her own.
But now she is upset with me. She told me she is reconsidering coming at all for Christmas. She says I make her feel like she is not allowed to take up space. That it will only be a fun and conflict free holiday if she pretends she has more energy than she has.
And yeah it's true that I sometimes want her to just suck it up. I am also tired sometimes and I don't let that limit my life. Is it so weird that I just want a peaceful holiday and her to leave me out of comments that she is tired and wants to rest?
EDIT: Some of the comments are suggesting my gf has a medical condition like chronic fatigue syndrome that I forgot to mention. This is not the case! My gf is just an introvert who gets overstimulated quickly in unfamiliar surroundings.
With resting I also don't mean sleeping for 3 days straight. Just some hours for herself, a walk, spending time with just me, etc. But often she will be in bed until like 11.
Here's what people had to say:
SurpriseIbroughtPies says:
YTA. I just looked it up. It's a 20 HOUR Train ride and you think she doesn't need to rest after that? Do you know how uncomfortable and exhausting a 20hour travel day is? Do you even like your gf?
yzork_zlav OP responded:
I mean, it's not my fault she is afraid of flying. If she just gets over this fear we could fly and then it wouldn't be so exhausting for her.
Ohcrumbcakes says:
Or, alternately, if you weren’t an asshole…You could take the extra time off work and ride the train with her.
She’s taking time off work and paying to travel to see your family, and you feel like you have a right to complain about her fear of flying? And that you’re soooooo stubborn that you can’t even bother to take a train with her?
yzork_zlav OP responded:
Why would I need to take the train with her? She doesn't take the plane with me either, and thats more convenient and much cheaper. She doesn't mind going alone anyways. She says she likes that she can just read her book and watch movies.
Sw33tD333 says:
How does her resting effect you? Does she make you stay home with her instead of doing activities? You don’t want a tired girlfriend, so go find one with energy if that’s a deal breaker for you.
yzork_zlav OP responded:
No she always lets me do my own thing and even encourages that. I just wish I could do them with her.
Susccmmp says:
So basically you just want her to be different?
yzork_zlav OP responded:
No I just want her to learn that she is also fine if she steps out of her comfort zone more often.