'AITA for hiding my boyfriend's dog to prove a point?' UPDATED

"AITA for hiding my boyfriend's dog to prove a point?"

My (23f) bf “Hank” (26m) has a dog “ladybird” and we have a son together “Bobby” (3m). He has had ladybird since before we got together (about 5-years-ago).

I’m actually allergic to dogs but I make do because I know Ladybird means a lot to him and I’ve grown to love her as if I had her my whole life. We both have full time jobs and split the housework just fine, but when it comes to Bobby, I feel like Hank treats Ladybird better sometimes?

Hank will come home and go straight to Ladybird to play and cuddle and talk to her. But he never stops off to see how Bobby is doing. If he’s eaten or if he had a bad day in daycare or anything.

I assume he’s thinking “he’s with mama so everything’s good” but I feel it’s not too much to ask for an acknowledgment when he first gets home.

Last month on Hanks day off I had Bobby out of daycare since he was sniffly and I didn’t want to risk it so Hank watched him. When I came home from work Hank was watching TV and I couldn’t find Bobby.

Hank was being blasé about it all saying “he’s around somewhere playing”. I was about to call the police because I saw the back door open with one of those bulk snack boxes by it when a neighbor that lives 3 houses down came by to drop Bobby off.

She told me he came through their doggy door and was trying to get into their daughter's room (they have a 5F daughter that Bobby plays with a few times a week).

Obviously I was freaked out but thankful he went to a “safe place.” I yelled at Hank for not watching him and he told me to calm down because it all worked out fine.

So I waited for things to calm down then a few days ago I snuck home early on Hank's day off and grabbed ladybird and gave her to the same neighbor to watch. I made a big show of coming in noisily after and purposely left the back door open.

Things were cool for a bit until he tried calling for ladybird. I just kept playing along until he noticed the door.

He freaked out saying I wasn’t careful and that Ladybird could be killed out there. He literally ran in just his shorts (no shirt/shoes) outside screaming her name and freaking out.

During that time I texted my neighbor to start walking the dog down. He saw her as he was about to get in his car and grabbed her and went inside. He yelled at me calling me irresponsible saying she could have been stolen or killed. I asked how he thought I felt when I couldn’t find our literal child.

He said it didn’t compare and Bobby was just at the neighbors and we live in a “safe” neighborhood so nothing would have happened. I honestly didn’t have anything to say to that.

I packed a bag for Bobby and I and we stayed at a hotel for a bit. I’m checking out tomorrow but I’m still angry. Hanks been texting me saying I’m childish but I think he’s not taking this serious enough. Friends are mixed (let it go or I’m right to be mad) AITA??

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Miyuki_m wrote:

NTA. I'm typically not a fan of testing partners like this but the result is pretty stark. He clearly doesn't give a damn about your son and your son is not safe alone with him.

Born_Tomatillo_6407 wrote:

I don’t typically like testing partners either, but since he didn’t seem to understand at all when she talked to him about it and it’s such a serious issue, I think it was reasonable to try to make him understand. Except he didn’t get it at all, just further proved that he does not care about his kid.

Dwotw wrote:

NTA. There is no such thing as a 'safe' neighborhood. Does he know every neighbor and can vouch for every neighbor? No he can't. What about strangers walking through or driving through? Car accidents?

His attitude is highly irresponsible and frankly a danger to your son.

LostDogBoulderUtah wrote:

Holy. Sh*t. He's a terrible parent. NTA

AlannaAdvice wrote:

Totally agree but OP will also be a $hitty parent if she stays with her bf. He cares more about his dog than his child. And by leaving her son with him, now knowing how little he cares and how irresponsible he is, OP is literally putting her son at risk.

Maybe next time (and there will be a next time considering your bf’s response), your son will not be so lucky. What will OP tell herself when her son gets out unsupervised next time and God forbid, something happens to him?!

I’m sorry for OP but she’d have to be a special kind of fool to remain with this poor excuse of a father. Seriously OP, do better by your son.

Snarkingintheusa wrote:

Don’t go back! But do keep in touch with this neighbor, you may very well need her to testify to support why Hank should not be allowed unsupervised visitation with Bobby.

Snailranchero wrote:

He is a direct threat to your toddler. Game over. Get out immediately. Who tf tells you to calm down when your toddler walked down the street to a neighbors house??? That's neglect. Document this. You could bring this into family court and leave with full custody in 20 minutes max.

In the end, OP actually did take the advice she found in the comments section:

UPDATE: I didn’t realize I was still getting comments and such on this post. I commented before below that I went to talk to him before I checked out and asked him to leave.

He’s been gone since and we are no longer romantically together. I’ve been more content with this than I thought I would be. I’ve reached out to my neighbor to be a witness for custody hearings and thankfully she agreed.

Thank you to the ones that actually took me seriously gave advice and sent messages to check on me.